Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do

[Shecky]

I will not send Carlos full-body condoms complete with card reading, "Love, Lara".

[Chiroptera]

"How's it goin' you old bat?" is not a good way to greet a Red Court vampiress, no matter how clever it seems at the time.

[nanuq]

"How's it goin' you old bat?" is not a good way to greet a Red Court vampiress, no matter how clever it seems at the time.

Or "Hello, Batgirl" either (even if it is kind of awesome).

[Wilgar]

Or "Hello, Batgirl" either (even if it is kind of awesome).

Having Father Forthill hold of red court vampires with a cross, while I yell "Holy Icon, Batman," is acceptable, however.

[Thrasher]

Having Father Forthill hold of red court vampires with a cross, while I yell "Holy Icon, Batman," is acceptable, however.

But having him hold them off with a cross while yelling "YOU. SHALL NOT PASS!" is not ok.
-Nor may I do it brandishing my staff and Amoracchius.
-Though if I meet and actual Balrog I'm totally allowed to!

[bookivore]

But having him hold them off with a cross while yelling "YOU. SHALL NOT PASS!" is not ok.

When Molly is studying for finals, I am totally NOT allowed to look grave, get her to ask what's wrong, and say "You.  Shall Not.  Pass."

[Darkhallow]

I am not allowed to try to bribe Mab over to the side of the Za-lord.

she likes anchovies.

[Jamamma]

I must not perform my "tea pot dance" any more, nor show off my spout.

(Following on the heels of the Batgirl example)

I must not sing the Batman themesong when fighting Red Court Vamps.
Unless they have fancy equipment.
Or Utility Belts.
Or a Boy Wonder.

But I may say "Holy Smoke, Batman" should one of them happen to burst into flames upon recieving a Holy Water Balloon to the side of the head.

I will not hang around Wolf Park, while at an Alpha meeting, singing "Who let the dogs out, woof woof."

Pants are not optional.

Telling Meave to get down with her bad self is not a smart move.
Nor is giving her anti-freeze lip gloss.

I may not mock the high sidhe with childish name-songs again, and starting up a conversation with "Lily fo-philly" will not win me points.

Introducing a girl scout selling brownies to an actual brownie is not a wise move.
Introducing a brownie to a stoner will only endanger the brownie. (Take that as you will)

I may not use Mouse in any dog shows, even if he could easily win.

(In deference to the previous remark about the Body Condom)

I will not threaten Carlos with "Castor Oil and Rubber Pants"

I will not justify my public nudity with the excuse "I had a mishap, and my clothes are invisible"

Despite labeling some of the strongest foes I have faced with the cute nickname of "Nickleheads" I will not move up the coinage denominations and continue with "Dimes" "Quarters" or "Half Dollars" the gag may run out.

Dressing for success means wearing sensible clothing, with style and aplomb. It does not mean going to a vampire fight wearing a "What Would Buffy Do" Tee.

[Priscellie]

Despite labeling some of the strongest foes I have faced with the cute nickname of "Nickleheads" I will not move up the coinage denominations and continue with "Dimes" "Quarters" or "Half Dollars" the gag may run out.

I will subsequently not refer to the Denarians' human followers/lackeys as "Penny Dreadfuls."

[Tribblechomper]

I will subsequently not refer to the Denarians' human followers/lackeys as "Penny Dreadfuls."

And, if I come across any lackadaisical or lazy Denarian converts, I will not call them "Penny Loafers"

[Shecky]

And Mama Denarian doesn't get called Penny Auntie. *rimshot*

[Priscellie]

If Harry's first girlfriend was dragooned into Denarian servitude, would she be Penny Elaine?

[Shecky]

If Harry's first girlfriend was dragooned into Denarian servitude, would she be Penny Elaine?

 

Wow. Another detail I've just plain missed; and here I've always thought Elaine was Harry's "first everything".

[Priscellie]

Wow. Another detail I've just plain missed; and here I've always thought Elaine was Harry's "first everything".

Wait, what?  Elaine was Harry's first girlfriend.  How is this a revelation?

[Shecky]

Wait, what?  Elaine was Harry's first girlfriend.  How is this a revelation?

*headdesk* It's time for me to put landmines in the apartment upstairs (they're letting their kids do kiddie construction after 11 again), because I was obviously too tired to see "Elaine" in "Penny Elaine" and instead saw "Penny" and got all stupidered.

I need a week's vacation. Scratch that - I need the upstairs neighbors to go away for a week. That'll be almost as good.