Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do

[Elanel]

I am not to refer to my car as the ’Bug of Love’ when in female company

Mouse is not a footrest
a)   Or a pillow
b)   Or a draught excluder

I am not to order Morgan the Funtastic Goofy-sized Happy Meal when I go to Burger King with him.

When greeting Murphy, it’s “Hey Murphy,” and not “Hey Smurfy.” My poor shins.

I am not to attend an NRA meeting and declare “Guns don’t kill people, magic missiles do!”

When in Summer’s company, I am not to refer to Titania as “The Great Tit.”
a) Likewise, Mab is not “Scabby Mabby.”

I am not to end each conversation with the Merlin with “Pip-pip, tally-ho.”

I am not to arrange a birthday party for Thomas at the local gay bar.
a) Even though I really want to… *evil*

I am not to call myself the “Supreme Fire Bender” when in the company of Avatar Fans and then demonstrate my fire skills.
a) At least everyone escaped the building this time…

I am not to call Luccio “Captain Hotstuff” in front of the trainees!

I am not to ask Kincaid if he taught Dick Cheney how to shoot a gun…

I am not to send the Evil Overlord list to the Merlin and say “Some serious shit here, boss… pip-pip, tally-ho”

I am not to raise Sue up and take her to the Jurassic Park 4 auditions.

I am not to sneak up to Bob’s skull and go “Kemmler’s here, ooga booga! ooga booga!”

[JRBobC]

I am no longer allowed to make "Pull My Finger" jokes around Toot-toot.  It was funny until he started adding in sound effects.

Pre-SmF:
I will not go to the front of the Raith mansion singing MC Hammers "Can't Touch This".
Post-SmF:
I will definitely not do it.

[nanuq]

I REALLY better not tell the other morgue staff that I'm the one who got Butters to switch from the accordion to bagpipes.
I should stop humming "Like A Virgin" whenever Ramirez is around
I should stop trying to see if LonelyPlanet makes a guide to the NeverNever

[Quantus]

I may not tell the Erlking, the Goblin King, that David Bowie's codpiece is bigger.

[Hopefire]

-No matter how much they deserve it, I am not allowed to take Murphy's bosses for a scenic trip to Arctis Tor.

-I am not allowed to tell religious children that Santa exists is a Faerie. There's no right interpretation with that crowd.

-I will not sign Mavra up for Cosmopolitan magazine. No one likes to see a Blampire cry.

[Half man-half amazing]

I really shouldn't have Murphy and Luccio in a room together along...
a) no matter how much I want to see a cat fight
b) in the end ill get my ass kicked.

No makeing Virgin jokes around Ramirez

No telling Mac that he should serve his beer cold
a)he might refuse service to me
b)i could get killed

[KalanF]

I will not use Little Chicago to decimate every parking meter in Big Chicago.
* even if I've just gotten a parking ticket
* well, maybe on April Fools' Day

I will not use powers to affect sporting events.
* Even for the Cubs

I will not ask Bob to help me with a spell to put Ammorachius in a rock until the proper wielder comes along.
* Nor will I ask Arthur Langtree if any of his predecessors left any notes about it either

I will not make any "Sith" references about myself and Molly ...
* Especially around Morgan
* Mostly because he probably wouldn't get my humor
* Especially because Molly my start with the Nimue comments again ...

I will not cackle madly and say "its time to make the donuts" in a sleepy voice whenever I see a Summer Court Fey from now on...
* Especially if Thomas is with me

I will not make any more comments about Wizards, secrets and heroin when meeting with members of the white council
* Especially after Ramirez was felony-stopped when someone overheard me the last time I said it

[JRBobC]

I will not use my Sight to sneak a pick of Murphy in the locker room. 

I will not use my Sight to get my own private Porno's at the Execute Priority.

[Quantus]

I will not go to the Execute Priority for a workout, no matter how well comped the membership.

[Jessica]

Rameriz does not need me to send him sex-ed pamphlets.

Pretending to be blinded by holy light every time I see Murphy will probably get me hit.

I am not allowed to get Bob an eyepatch and set of crossbones.
 - no matter how much he begs.

[Marquis]

I will not give Lara the Buffy the Vampire Slayer DVD box set for Christmas.

Nor will I give her any similarly titled ponorgraphic spoof movie.

Especially if she was the star.

[tabonga]

I will no longer allow Thomas to use my apartment for his "magic carpet rides"...
a) even though there is some magic going on
b) even though he had the carpet dry-cleaned the last time

[Quantus]

I will not snicker when Charity refers to Molly as an "Innocent Flower"

I will not let Bob talk me into a Monkey Island Con dressed as Guybrush Threepwood, Mighty Pirate, and The Demon Skull Murray

I will not animate a Barbie doll to give Toot Toot and the Za Guard a Damsel to rescue, no matter how much they beg.

I will not make jokes about Dating an older woman to Luccio's face.

I will not make jokes to Kincaid about eating at Subway. 

[Wolfhowls]

OMG OMG OMG...Laughing so hard....the pain OW OW OW the pain HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

[JRBobC]

When Luccio comes over for dates I will not end the evening by saying "All Aboard".

When standing next to Luccio during White Council meetings I will not start humming "Blow the Man Down".