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Author Topic: Describe Each Novel's Plot Badly  (Read 5830 times)

Offline WereElephant

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Describe Each Novel's Plot Badly
« on: April 16, 2018, 07:07:02 PM »
I'm sure this has been done before, but I thought it would be fun.

An underworld lord is saved after a local wizard stops an electric sex spell.
Where'd the wolves go? Dog attacks drop after a low-res video featuring local wizard Dresden apparently fighting a werewolf is released.
Lakeside mansion the Velvet Room burns down after local celebrity invites paranormal community for costume party.
Paranormal investigator gets attacked by a tree while searching for a statue of a woman and its abductor.
Coin collecting furries abscond with Catholic towel after playing with swords, but lose it due to unfashionable neckwear.
Wizard helps family adult film business by advising on safety procedures for accident-prone stars.
Disaster barely averted by local wizard and some bones after a small book lovers' convention causes Chicago blackout.
SplatterCon decides to add real gore to event this year, but is shut down after cosplayers kidnap event volunteer.
Wizard cleared of suspicion in Paranormal Murder-Suicides, Culprit was different tall, thin, and pale cloak-wearer.
Weird Goatmen seen all over Chicago disappear after some coin collectors vandalized an aquarium
Handicapped Officer gets cleared of all charges after a paper-pusher's ink was found to have clouded the issue.
Global Field Day for Life Insurance Companies
Creepy Level in Chicago on Six Month Rise
Loud rock music heard coming from Lake Michigan, Fireworks seen over distant island. Authorities suspect college students.
Possible Batman sighting after animals escape from zoo - Gorillas, Octopusses, and Lions, Patsies in a Plan?
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Offline Griffyn612

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Re: Describe Each Novel's Plot Badly
« Reply #1 on: April 16, 2018, 09:04:55 PM »
STORM FRONT, by Jim Butcher
A grieving couple's plan to bring down a murderous local
mob boss is put in jeopardy when a social outcast recruited
by the mobster begins a vindictive and obsessive campaign
against them and the entrepreneural friend helping them
seek justice.
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Offline exartiem

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Re: Describe Each Novel's Plot Badly
« Reply #2 on: April 16, 2018, 10:41:44 PM »
Quote from: WereElephant on April 16, 2018, 07:07:02 PM
I'm sure this has been done before, but I thought it would be fun.

An underworld lord is saved after a local wizard stops an electric sex spell.
Where'd the wolves go? Dog attacks drop after a low-res video featuring local wizard Dresden apparently fighting a werewolf is released.
Lakeside mansion the Velvet Room burns down after local celebrity invites paranormal community for costume party.
Paranormal investigator gets attacked by a tree while searching for a statue of a woman and its abductor.
Coin collecting furries abscond with Catholic towel after playing with swords, but lose it due to unfashionable neckwear.
Wizard helps family adult film business by advising on safety procedures for accident-prone stars.
Disaster barely averted by local wizard and some bones after a small book lovers' convention causes Chicago blackout.
SplatterCon decides to add real gore to event this year, but is shut down after cosplayers kidnap event volunteer.
Wizard cleared of suspicion in Paranormal Murder-Suicides, Culprit was different tall, thin, and pale cloak-wearer.
Weird Goatmen seen all over Chicago disappear after some coin collectors vandalized an aquarium
Handicapped Officer gets cleared of all charges after a paper-pusher's ink was found to have clouded the issue.
Global Field Day for Life Insurance Companies
Creepy Level in Chicago on Six Month Rise
Loud rock music heard coming from Lake Michigan, Fireworks seen over distant island. Authorities suspect college students.
Possible Batman sighting after animals escape from zoo - Gorillas, Octopusses, and Lions, Patsies in a Plan?

Dude, these could be bad headlines.
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Offline peregrine

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Re: Describe Each Novel's Plot Badly
« Reply #3 on: April 17, 2018, 01:33:50 AM »
Harry takes a South American trip.

Harry reconnects with an old flame

Harry has a scavenger hunt

Harry reconnects with an old flame

Harry works in porn



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Offline Wolfeyes

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Re: Describe Each Novel's Plot Badly
« Reply #4 on: April 17, 2018, 09:53:08 AM »
Harry Dresden and the Sexmancers

Harry Dresden and the Lycanthrope's Curse

Harry Dresden and the Burning of the Velvet Room

Harry Dresden and the Knight Down the Stairs

Harry Dresden and the Ancient Cloth

Harry Dresden and the Falling Frozen Turkey

Harry Dresden and the Zombie Dinosaur

Harry Dresden and the Horror Con

Harry Dresden and the Woman in the Bath

Harry Dresden and the Billy Goat Gruffs

Harry Dresden and the Sentient Island

Harry Dresden and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

Harry and the Ghost Whisperer

Harry Dresden and the Extensive Physical Therapy Session

Harry Dresden and the Strange Wet Dream
« Last Edit: April 17, 2018, 10:11:59 AM by Wolfeyes »
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Offline Kindler

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Re: Describe Each Novel's Plot Badly
« Reply #5 on: April 17, 2018, 01:05:33 PM »
1. A Chicago private detective settles a custody dispute by burning down their summer home.
2. Gang activity and federal police corruption force a wizard to lead a gang of college kids into a violent attack on a mob boss.
3. A wizard goes to a party, forgets to bring a gift, and falls in love, and dies.
4. Odd weather activity convinces a wizard to murder a monarch.
5. A wizard and his pals assault an airport and rob a train with a mob boss.
6. A wizard infiltrates the porn industry to end alimony disputes, while attacking a Red Cross clinic.

I'll do more later. This is a quality thread.
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Offline WereElephant

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Re: Describe Each Novel's Plot Badly
« Reply #6 on: April 17, 2018, 02:11:24 PM »
Quote from: exartiem on April 16, 2018, 10:41:44 PM
Dude, these could be bad headlines.

I tried to go a little bit headliney, but they needed to be longer than I'd like. Changes and Ghost Story are about right, though.
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Offline WereElephant

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Re: Describe Each Novel's Plot Badly
« Reply #7 on: April 17, 2018, 02:12:17 PM »
Quote from: Wolfeyes on April 17, 2018, 09:53:08 AM
Harry Dresden and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

I like how you condensed the entire series into a single title.
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Offline WereElephant

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Re: Describe Each Novel's Plot Badly
« Reply #8 on: April 17, 2018, 02:13:42 PM »
Quote from: peregrine on April 17, 2018, 01:33:50 AM
Harry reconnects with an old flame

So many layers...I like it.
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Offline KurtinStGeorge

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Re: Describe Each Novel's Plot Badly
« Reply #9 on: April 18, 2018, 08:59:57 AM »
Harry and his Shadow
Harry and the canines
Harry goes ghostbustin
Harry does a favor
50 shades of Harry
Harry, the stunt porn double
Jurassic Harry
Harry goes to a cold place
Harry gets knocked up
Harry with lots of goats
Harry collects coins
Harry and the buddy cop
Harry in old Mexico
Harry has a ghost of a chance
Harry’s new boss
Harry breaks the bank
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Offline WereElephant

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Re: Describe Each Novel's Plot Badly
« Reply #10 on: April 18, 2018, 01:24:23 PM »
The Dresden Files according to Demonreach:

Storm Front: Mortals are annoying.
Fool Moon: Mortals are annoying.
Grave Peril: Mortals are annoying.
Summer Knight: Mortals are annoying, Faerie queens are loud.
Death Masks: Mortals are annoying.
Blood Rites: Mortals are annoying.
Dead Beat: Mortals are annoying.
Proven Guilty: Mortals are annoying.
White Night: Mortals are annoying.
Small Favor: Annoying Demons and Mortals made a mess. One mortal less annoying than others.
Turn Coat: Mortal wants to be my friend. It also fought the ugly Skinwalker. This mortal is much less annoying.
Changes: Mortals are annoying. Not-annoying mortal decided to injure itself, risks losing not-annoying status.
Ghost Story: Stupid Faerie Queen helps me heal not-annoying mortal for six months, while a stupid angel makes me visit Chicago through a stoic statue. Stupid situation is stupid.
Cold Days: Not-annoying mortal can actually understand some things. Two annoying Faerie Queens dead.
Skin Game: What is parkour?
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Offline Rasins

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Re: Describe Each Novel's Plot Badly
« Reply #11 on: April 18, 2018, 07:18:48 PM »
Storm Front - Harry Dresden, Chicago's only practicing Wizard encounters Thunderstorms while investigating a crime
Fool Moon - Harry Dresden, Chicago's only practicing Wizard Runs afoul of the FBI while investigating a crime
Grave Peril - Harry Dresden, Chicago's only practicing Wizard attends a party while investigating a crime
Summer Knight - Harry Dresden, Chicago's only practicing Wizard Cleans up the frog population while investigating a crime
Death Masks - Harry Dresden, Chicago's only practicing Wizard Starts a coin collection while investigating a crime
Blood Rites - Harry Dresden, Chicago's only practicing Wizard launches a fung-shui career for some former actors while investigating a crime
Dead Beat - Harry Dresden, Chicago's only practicing Wizard learns some paleontology while investigating a crime
Proven Guilty - Harry Dresden, Chicago's only practicing Wizard visits a fan convention while investigating a crime
White Knight - Harry Dresden, Chicago's only practicing Wizard discovers a love for latin while investigating a crime
Small Favor - Harry Dresden, Chicago's only practicing Wizard Helps out a lost boy while investigating a crime
Turn Coat - Harry Dresden, Chicago's only practicing Wizard Learns that the pen can be mightier than the sword while investigating a crime
Changes - Harry Dresden, Chicago's only practicing Wizard Finds out more than he ever wanted to know about Mexico while investigating a crime
Ghost Story - Harry Dresden, Chicago's only practicing Wizard Helps take down a street gang while investigating a crime
Cold Days - Harry Dresden, Chicago's only practicing Wizard Gains a new ally while investigating a crime
Skin Game - Harry Dresden, Chicago's only practicing Wizard Finds out what Shakespeare means while investigating a crime
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Offline groinkick

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Re: Describe Each Novel's Plot Badly
« Reply #12 on: April 19, 2018, 05:58:05 PM »
Summer Knight - Misunderstood Lady of Summer is trying to end the conflict.  Chicago's only practicing Wizard Harry Dresden has other plans, and recruits his gang to cut her to ribbons with box cutters.
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Offline WereElephant

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Re: Describe Each Novel's Plot Badly
« Reply #13 on: April 19, 2018, 06:22:31 PM »
The Dresden Files according to Bob:

Harry, you can't even get laid with a Love Potion
You're only in trouble if it's a loup-garou. Guess what? It's a loup-garou!
How about we skip town until this one blows over, boss?
Oooo, Faeries. Don't make deals with them, but nice to look at.
These guys are seriously sca - tear that up and burn it! Are you suicidal?
I am so envious right now. Please can I ride along? Pretty please? Hmph.
My old boss taught me how to do a Smeagol impression. See? One minute, lovable if macabre information source, the next, a homicidal creep!
Aww, you got a new apprentice for me! And what a doozy, too...by the way, that should have killed you, but it didn't.
Umm, about your toy city...it appears to have, well, vaporized.

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Offline Lost Merlin

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Re: Describe Each Novel's Plot Badly
« Reply #14 on: April 19, 2018, 06:27:43 PM »
More of a new title for each book.  Some Puns, some serious, all bad. 

The Mystery of Sex Magic and Drugs.
The Mystery of the Different Dogs.
The Mystery of the Poisoned Punch.
The Mystery of the Fairy Theft.
The Mystery of Bed Sheets and Spare Change. 
The Mystery of Getting un'Lucky'
The Mystery of the Ghost Horde
The Mystery of Scary Movies and Scary Monsters. 
The Mystery of Lost Loves and Lost Lives.
The Mystery of Fish and Goats.
The Mystery of Tired Cops and Tried Clerks
The Mystery of the Mexican Melee
The Mystery of Ghost Etiquette
The Mystery of Too Many Urges
The Mystery of Evil Doughnuts



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