Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread

[Ms Duck]

The scene: During the funeral for the empress LIsabet of Cetaganda, Mother of the ruler of 8 worlds, and arch enemy (of sorts) of the Barryans, Each high Lord recited an elegiac poem to her honor, each longer, more poetic, and more rarefied then the last. These men would rather die (in utter aganoy) then get one syllable wrong.

Miles adds his homolies:

A Detigar empress named Lisbet
Trapped a satrap lord neatly in his net
Enticed into treason
For all the wrong reason
He'll soon have a meeting with his kismet

A beuatifull lady Named Rian
Hypnotized a Vor scion
the little defective
thinks hes a detective
but instead will be fed to the lion...

[Piotr1600]

Dear Blaze and others et al, un-Bujolded
Lois-es works are wonders beholded
Though the Barrayar world is science fiction
The storys & characters lack nothing in depiction
The series is a first class read
most all have completely agreed
Miles is a mutant but a groovy guy
eccentric intelligence and sometimes sly
Like Duck, I would not have survived the "D"
But for me it was "Kommar" to heavily re-read
Like a singer always hitting a perfect note
As with Butcher, I read all she has wrote



(Seriously folks, Lois is a fantastic writer! If you like fantasy, I would also highly recommend the other two series, and standalone novel "The Spirit Ring")

[Ms Duck]

to arise again this unhaven thread
crawled it back from rotten dead
rhyme with me
in all symphony
follow she said, foul a duck lead

[Blaze]

I want to write something cheery
But I am quite leery
because, O! My! O! deary,
Today I am quite weary.

[KarlTenBrew]

This Monty Python moment brought to you by Karl TenBrew and Mt. Dew ((they didn't pay me a cent for the advertising, cheapskates)):

((Moosey-moose Mooseburger))
I’m made of moose,
I have a bun,
Mayonnaise and mustard too-oo,
Lettuce and tomato,
But never will I Moo-oo.

((Lusty chorus singers))
He’s made of moose,
He has a bun,
Mayonnaise and mustard too-oo,
Lettuce and tomato,
But never will we Moo-oo.

He’s a Mooseburger and he’s alright,
Being eaten is his plight!

((Encouraged Moosey-moose Mooseburger))
I tired to get
Some special sauce,
But then I was deny-ied.
I’m still just a mooseburger,
So through the night I cry-ied.

((Lusty chorus singers, a bit hesitant))
He tired to get
Some special sauce,
But then he was deny-ied.
He’s still just a mooseburger,
So through… the night we… cry-ied.

He’s a Mooseburger and he’s alright,
Being eaten is his plight!

((Emotional Moosey-moose Mooseburger))
I always was
So lonely
Before I was a gui-uy.
I wish I was a pastry,
Just like my dear Pa-py!

((Lusty chorus singers, confused and skeered))
He always was
So lonely,
Before he was…a gui-uy…
We wish that we… were….pastries?
*Chorus is unstead-dy!*

((Me))
So the chorus was afraid,
The mooseburger they left.
And as they ran, he cried and cried,
Of friends he was bereft!

[Blaze]

{{Braaaaaaapppppp}}  Good Poem.  *wopes corners of her mouth*

[Ms Duck]

a criminal there was a Moose named Bob the Bruce
the judge set a date to dance a duce with a noose
hed paid pluck a buck
to rear f*ck a  duck
why? oh why ?  "the goose caboose was just too loose"

 

[Blaze]

The Bruce should have gone
Wi' a bonnie Lass
But he din'nae wanna be
a pain in the ass!

[Piotr1600]

**claps** Well done!
Amusing poetry about inter-species anal bestiality!

I had to wipe the monitor from the tea that I sprayed on it when I started laughing...

So - Would either of you consider writing awful lyrics (about whatever subject tickles your fancy, of course!) for me to use in my various music projects?
The "awfuller the better", so to speak...  I'll even throw in a "Pretty please?"

We've previously done songs about Dr. Kevorkian, Russian prostitutes, lawyers, crazy street people, the wizard of Oz, the Pope, Zombies, Bernie Madoff, Nazi's, Aliens, "Nazi Aliens", sex change surgery, orbital death rays (controlled by Sam Walton's brain, in a jar), and oh so many more...

I would love some new collaborators... 

[Blaze]

Poems on commission?
I feel like I'm on a mission!

And if they ever make a hit,
will I get money out of it?

No, not avarice or greed.
Monetaries' pinching need,

Having hungry mouths to feed
living indoors, that's my speed.

And if it only amounts to fun?
I will say, what's done is done.

[j3nnee]

to the people who slashed my tires

I wish that I could know
Why you did this act
So that I could find you
And kick your ass

I really feel alot of ire
that I had to spend cash
to get new tires
and I still want to kick your ass

If only I could track
who you were and why
I'd kick your ass
And not even sigh

I hope you're hit
by a bus or a truck
cause if you had any wit
if I find you, you're f---ed

MOOSEBURGERS!!!

[Ms Duck]

there twas a lass with slash wheels
she hunted the stunted without appeals
she took out her axe
and with many whacks
made her keels into fine cannibal meals

 

[j3nnee]

there twas a lass with slash wheels
she hunted the stunted without appeals
she took out her axe
and with many whacks
made her keels into fine cannibal meals

 

*huggles the ducky* Such a beautiful poem.
I will treasure it always.

[Ms Duck]

theres a duck who went to labor
lost her sanity, drew her sabre
chopped up her boss
roasted him with sauce
now shes got a lecter for a neighbor

[KarlTenBrew]

To do a thing like slashing tires,
so stupid and clearly drawing ire,
such spite I find infuriating,
only the mooseburger can restrain.

For to rampage around and knock em down
is a sure enough way to gget taken downtown,
but by surrendering to the moosey bliss,
I am saved through the burgeryness.