Author Topic: Looking for some constructive criticism of my new character.  (Read 2974 times)

Offline Caonsim

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Looking for some constructive criticism of my new character.
« on: November 17, 2013, 05:16:23 AM »
Hi all, this is my first post but I have been perusing the forum for a couple of weeks. I have my first DFRPG game starting soon and I couldn't help but make a character concept ahead of time.

I'm looking for constructive criticism of concept, aspects, skill, powers, stunts, w/e.

It's still a work in progress but I'm trying not to be too powergamey because that's a trap I often fall into and just try to make an interesting character to play for hopefully some time.

Power Level: Submerged.
Name: Kenny Powers.
High Concept: Hall-of-Famer Kinetomancer.
Template: Focused Practitioner.
Other Aspects:    Gradually, Cautiously, Cluing-In.
                      When the Bases are Loaded; Swing Hard.
                      Everyone Knows I’ve Got a Lot of Dough.
                      I Never Asked for Any of This.

Description:    -Heavily bearded man in his mid forties.
                                -Has been an athlete his whole life and has a strong and fit build, despite some softening in the middle.
                                -Never seen without a baseball cap covering his balding head.
                                -Easy going and quick with a joke, usually self-depreciating.
Skills:   +5   Athletics
                   +4   Conviction, Resources, Presence
                   +3   Discipline, Weapons, Endurance
                   +2   Alertness, Craftsmanship, Rapport
                   +1   Lore, Might, Survival
Skill notes: His career as an athlete makes it his pinnacle skill. His confidence in his abilities is represented by the high conviction with resources and presence being the obvious by-products of a sport star life. His skill with a bat and throwing a ball indicates a good weapons skill with endurance and discipline coming from a life of training. He has plenty to money for hobbies and time for social and charity events and this is reflected by his craftsmanship and rapport. He is still discovering the supernatural world and so has low lore.

Powers:   Channelling: Spirit -2

Stunts:      Famous -1
                      Lush Lifestyle -1
                      Weapon Focus: Baseball Bat -1
   Total: -5   Remaining: 5

Stress:   Physical    OOO
                   Mental      OOOO      
                   Social      OOOO

Notable Gear:   -Stainless Steel Baseball Bat. Kenny had this custom made for extra strength. It’s heavy, but it hits really hard. Still weapon:2. Also focus +1 offensive control.
                           -Lucky Baseball Cap. This is Kenny’s other Focus. +1 defensive Control.
                           -Always Carries a Baseball.
                           -Some kind of sweet, expensive,  black SUV

Trouble: Kenny always thought he was just naturally gifted at baseball, and the fact that he was improving with age when most players decline was a testament to his training and experience. It wasn’t until his final innings as a Pro that he realised he was abnormal. His World-Series-winning grand slam on the last ball of the ninth innings was heard well beyond the confines of the stadium. The fans phsyically felt the shockwave.  For 45 years, Kenny had lived, as most humans do, blissfully unaware of the supernatural world around him. His gradual discovery is scary and often traumatic.
   Aspect: Gradually, Cautiously, Cluing-In.
   Invoke: When discovering things supernatural, When things seem ‘off’, When ignorance is a benefit.
   Compel: When surprised by the unknown, When ignorance is a hindrance, When hesitation is unwise.

Background: Kenny will always be remembered as one of the all time greats of the sport. His on field feats as a pitcher and batter rewrote the record books and will remain unsurpassed likely for many years. Despite his ignorance, Kenny’s power has slowly developed over the course of his career. His subtle control over the element of spirit helped him to hit more balls and strike out more batters each season. The peak of his unknown power coincided with his last ball in Major League. The winning ball was never found, hit well out of the park. The aluminium bat with which he hit it, literally, shattered into thousands of tiny fragments. Sadly, the brunt of the explosive shrapnel was worn by the opposition pitcher who later died in hospital of his injuries. Kenny  retired that day, he couldn’t risk facing another ball.
   Aspect: When the Bases are Loaded; Swing Hard.
   Invoke: In high pressure situations, When maximum force is barely enough, When it’s all up to Kenny.
   Compel: When subtlety is required, In high pressure situations (haunted by incident), When it would be dangerous to go all out.

First Adventure: Finding out what was happening to him and how to control it became Kenny’s first priority. Still naive to the ways of the supernatural, He didn’t know where to start. He decided to reply to a ‘looking for work’ ad from a ‘supernatural PI.’ It didn’t take long for the PI to realise firstly, that his client had no idea what he was doing and secondly that he was a wealthy sport star. He greedily led Kenny on for weeks, with each ‘breakthrough’ and ‘lead’ just a few hundred dollars further away each time and each time proving fruitless. After some time, Kenny cottoned on to the con and terminated the PI’s employment just before blowing out every window in his office.
   Aspect: Everyone Knows I’ve Got a Lot of Dough.
   Invoke: When socially advantageous, When buying/sourcing/investigating/bribing things/people.
   Compel: When being conned, When socially disadvantageous, Trying to trust people.

Rising Conflict: Kenny seems to find more questions than answers. More people that need his help than people willing to help him. Often his abilities attract desperate people in need of desperate measures and they make him feel obligated to help by leveraging guilt against his privileged life.
   Aspect: I Never Asked for Any of This.
   Invoke: Whenever he uses his considerable reputation or supernatural talent, When being modest.
   Compel: Whenever someone wants him to do something, When being different is inconvenient.

Rote Spells:      -Bean Ball. (Opening move.)
                          4 Shift Attack, Single Target.
                          Causes 1 mental stress to me.

Other Common Spells:   -Increments on Bean Ball (with rolls for Discipline, of course.) Failed discipline usually directed to fallout.

                                        -Blow the Room! (When the bases are loaded; swing hard.)
                          10 Shift Attack. (8 to Power, 2 to Zone-Wide if multiple targets)
                          Causes 6 mental stress to me, usually 4 stress hit +1 minor mental consequence.
                          5 Controlled, 5 Fallout (or 2-3 tags required.)

Future Advancement:     -Increase Lore over time to reflect gaining knowledge of my abilities and the world around me thus allowing upgrade to number of rote spells and better foci.
                 -Increased refresh probably towards Refinements for better foci.



Sorry if the formatting is a little wonky.

NB:Edited after feedback
« Last Edit: November 18, 2013, 04:16:56 AM by Caonsim »

Offline UmbraLux

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Re: Looking for some constructive criticism of my new character.
« Reply #1 on: November 17, 2013, 12:49:40 PM »
Looks good overall - not optimized, but that helps make the character interesting. 

Some things do stand out...two offensive control foci don't help, you can only use one in most situations and only one per element in any case.  One of those should be moved to either power or defense.  When it comes to rotes, I seldom bother making rote combat spells.  Not until after I have rotes for defense and utility at least.  With offensive rotes you still need to roll targeting which makes it less valuable as a rote.  Also, your rote can't be more than Discipline plus focus in power...and identical foci don't stack so a power of 4 is your max. 

I'd also consider making some of your aspects a bit more two-edged.  Compels are good! 

It's also worth noting that Resilient Self Image isn't all that useful.  Those extra mental consequences are only for stress caused by torture or interrogation.  They won't help with spell casting or anything else.  Regarding other stunts, what is "Weapon Focus"?  As a custom stunt you'll want to work out details and acceptance with your group. 
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“As our circle of knowledge expands, so does the circumference of darkness surrounding it.”  - Albert Einstein

"Rudeness is a weak imitation of strength."  - Eric Hoffer

Offline blackstaff67

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Re: Looking for some constructive criticism of my new character.
« Reply #2 on: November 17, 2013, 04:01:04 PM »
I think his "Weapon Focus" is that "there are many bats, but this particular bat feels right for me.  It's part of me."  In other words, it's kinda like a GURPS Signature Gear item or the like.  "I'd rather have this (insert weapon here) than all those other nifty weapons you have.  And of all the similar weapons, this particular weapon suits me best."

"Gradually/cautiously cluing in" Aspect might be turned into "Once bitten, twice shy" or "Magic is a two-edged sword, grasped by the blade." 

Not too sure about all the attacks that do Mental stress.  If you mean "produces a shockwave' then that's probably a physical attack.  Consequences can range from "temporary deafness" all the up to normal bomb-like attacks as a result of concussion-type attacks.
« Last Edit: November 17, 2013, 04:06:03 PM by blackstaff67 »
My Purity score: 37.2.  Sad.

Offline Cadd

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Re: Looking for some constructive criticism of my new character.
« Reply #3 on: November 17, 2013, 04:46:02 PM »
Also, your rote can't be more than Discipline plus focus in power...and identical foci don't stack so a power of 4 is your max.

Actually the book specifically says you can have a rote spell at higher power than you can control - you're just going to cause fallout or backlash every time you use it unless you have FPs or tags to burn. Though it's kind of a moot point as "Blow the Room Out" isn't a rote.


I like the "gradually, cautiously cluing in" aspect actually. It might evolve later, but it feels clear yet evokative to me.

About the mental stress  - I'm assuming that is simply the mental stress cost for himself, rather than what it causes in the target.
So "Bean Ball" would be - Weapon:5 Attack with pure force. (That would however cost 2 mental stress, as it's one above Conviction, unless one focus is swapped to Offensive Power)

I too am curious about the "Weapon Focus" stunt!
« Last Edit: November 17, 2013, 06:22:42 PM by Cadd »

Offline Sanctaphrax

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Re: Looking for some constructive criticism of my new character.
« Reply #4 on: November 17, 2013, 08:58:17 PM »
I suspect that refers to Weapon Focus from the list on the Resources board. That is to say...

Quote
Weapon Focus: You've trained to use a specific type of weapon. Choose a type of weapon. Add one to your Weapons skill when using it to attack with that type of weapon.

So he gets +1 to attack with a baseball bat. He probably won't get too much use out of it, though, because he'll usually be better off using his magic to attack.

Offline Caonsim

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Re: Looking for some constructive criticism of my new character.
« Reply #5 on: November 17, 2013, 09:21:14 PM »
Thanks for the feedback.

I missed the stacking foci problem, so yeah, I would change one to defensive control I guess.

Yeah, the mental stress was what it causes me. The idea I had was I would do good damage but at a cost to myself (minor consequences) I also missed the bit where it was only for torture and interrogation. Maybe I have outdated rules...

I'm still playing around with the language of my aspects, especially my rising conflict one. The cluing in one I plan to evolve as I raise my lore.

Offline Taran

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Re: Looking for some constructive criticism of my new character.
« Reply #6 on: November 18, 2013, 01:48:20 AM »
It would be cool if you made the bat your focus item.  When you swing it, it does a pile of damage!

Mechanically, this is you casting the spell, but narratively you're swinging the bat.  You're adding more kinetic energy to the swing.  I could see it for even ranged attacks:  you swing the bat and a concussive force flies from the bat hitting people.

Offline Caonsim

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Re: Looking for some constructive criticism of my new character.
« Reply #7 on: November 18, 2013, 04:15:08 AM »
Good call, sir.

Offline Taran

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Re: Looking for some constructive criticism of my new character.
« Reply #8 on: November 18, 2013, 04:29:13 AM »
Actually, for ranged attacks, you should carry around a bunch of baseballs and hit them at people.  hit by a weapon 5 line-drive.   ;)

Offline Haru

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Re: Looking for some constructive criticism of my new character.
« Reply #9 on: November 18, 2013, 04:32:20 AM »
Or the spell creates a sphere of force that looks like a baseball. The actual baseballs could be enchanted items with stored maneuvers that increase the attack.

Also, on a side note:
http://what-if.xkcd.com/1/
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Offline fantazero

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Re: Looking for some constructive criticism of my new character.
« Reply #10 on: November 18, 2013, 04:49:57 AM »

Offline Taran

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Re: Looking for some constructive criticism of my new character.
« Reply #11 on: November 18, 2013, 04:57:08 AM »
Or the spell creates a sphere of force that looks like a baseball. The actual baseballs could be enchanted items with stored maneuvers that increase the attack.

Also, on a side note:
http://what-if.xkcd.com/1/

Lol. Man, where do you find this stuff!

Also, some good points.

Offline Caonsim

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Re: Looking for some constructive criticism of my new character.
« Reply #12 on: November 20, 2013, 09:12:32 PM »
@Haru

Haha, that's awesome.

I wonder what would happen if some super-powered batter then hit the pitch back, with interest?


Yeah, I was already thinking his attacks would be represented with baseball pitches.

btw, I imagine Kenny looking something like this: http://www.google.com.au/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&frm=1&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&docid=u_tQaeU7E1cc_M&tbnid=NRueq5AqVnxs5M:&ved=0CAUQjRw&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwebbgirl.dreamwidth.org%2F391006.html&ei=HiONUouyCs2higfE4oC4Dg&bvm=bv.56643336,d.aGc&psig=AFQjCNEh9K5NNZ-GCsXvy93KEgTm2DMxIw&ust=1385067675862729


hope that link works.