You are stained," she said. "I can feel black magic on you."
"It's a long story," I said. "But mostly it isn't mine."
"Some of it is."
..."Yah. I've made a bad call or two."
...
[requests an honest answer to one question in exchange for info]
..."Why do you do what you do?" ... "I mean always," she answered. "Why are you a wizard? Why do you present yourself openly? Why do you help other mortals as you do?"
"Uh," I said. I stood up and paced over to my table. "What else would I do?"
"Precisely," the doll said... "You could be doing many other things. You could be sequestered and studying. You could be using your skills for material gain and living in wealth. Even in your profession as an investigator, you could do more to avoid confrontation than you do. But instead you consign yourself to a poor home, an dingy office,,, and the danger of facing all maner of mortal and supernatural foe. Why?"
...
"Well," I said. "I guess I wanted to do something to help people. Something I was good at."
"Is that why?" she asked.
[long internal probing about the trouble he gets into]
"I don't know," I said finally. "I guess I never thought about it all that much."
... "Don't you think you should?"
Opening of chapter:
"A woman who seemed familiar but whom I did not recognize shook her head and drew her hand from left to right. The dream-scenery faded to black in the wake of her motion. She turned to me, dark eyes intent and said, "You need to rest."
"Little Maggie's youngest. You've grown up to be a man of considerable strengths."
[buncha thoughts about his parents including remembering a picture of his parents, his mother very pregnant, in front of the Lincoln Memorial.]
[comments about how he (nic) tried to keep Harry out of things, it was hard to waylay an angelic messenger. "so why'd you do it?"]
"I have a fond memory or two of your mother. It cost me little to attempt it. So why not?"
"That's the second time you've mentioned her," I said.
"Yes. I respected her. Which is quite unusual for me."
"You respected her so much you snatched me and brought me here. I see."
[ye ole' join up or die]
"Do you actually think you could convince me to join up with you?"
"Yes," he said. "I know you."
"Do not."
"Do too," he replied. "I know more about you than you do yourself."
"Such as?"
"Such as why you chose this kind of life for yourself. To appoint yourself protector of mortal kind, and to make yourself the enemy of any who do them harm. To live outcast from your own kind, laughed at and mocked by most mortals. Living in a hovel, barely scraping by. Spurning welath and fame. Why do you do it?"
"I'm a disciple of the Tao of Peter Parker, obviously," I said.
... "It is all you will allow yourself, and I know why."
"All right. Why?"
"Because you are ruled by fear. You are afraid, Dresden."
I said, "Of what?"
"Of what you could be if you ever let yourself stray from the right-hand path," Nicodemus said. "Of the power you could use. You've thought about what it might be like to bend the world to your will. The things you could have. The people. Some part of you has considered and found join in the idea of using your abilities to take what youw ish. And you are afraid of that joy. So you drive yourself toward martyrdom instead."
[after struggling to deny it] "Everyone has thoughts like that sometimes."
"No," Nicodemus said, "they don't. Most people never consider such actions. It never crosses their minds. The average mortal would have no sure way of taking that kind of power. But for you, it's different. You may pretend you are like them. But you are not."..."You don't want to see what you are, so you have very few pictures of yourself. No mirrors, either." ... "I used to be much as you are now. You are trapped. You are lying to yourself. You pretend to be like any other mortal because you are too terrified to admit that you aren't.
