Getting too wordy?

[Lord Rae]

I've been writing my story set loosely in a Norse tradition world with other influences mixed in but its not classic Norse stories though so I've changed some of the words around. Shortened things, added bits in to make it easier to read as well as combining and tweaking existing short words but I'm wondering how much should I change?

My story has enough time and enough outside influence for language to evolve a bit without loosing its flavor. But what should I do about common names and common items? Swords, Daggers, Axes, bows? Should I come up with different names or stick to the basics? Should I tweak the names of well known items and creatures to reflect the change in times and to make it easier for people to read and speak if they talk about it with friends? Examples like Gullinbursti (A boar ridden by one of the gods) Njorthrbiartr (a heroic act or the title of hero) and Hrimfaxi (a mythical horse) are kind of a mouth full. They don't roll off the tongue and they don't stick in your head too much. There are from actual literature, baby name books and things like that. They just aren't that great though to read and say unless your an expert in the language. I'm not.

How much do I alter and still keep what I'm going for? What can you shorten? What can you change without it sounding like every other story out there?

I previously had 12 chapters written out but I've been revising and rewriting after I got into a bind and didn't know where to go next to get to how I had the story planned out. It seems like the further I plan and the more names I pull from actual Norse mythology and history I lose readability.

I like how Jim uses things and names from History, myth and name meanings to give things extra depth without sounding completely alien and like you've stumbled into a foreign language course.

I hope what I'm asking makes sense.

[Beefstew]

I think it depends on the level of complexity you want your story to have.  Complexity, especially in the fantasy genre, is not necessarily a vice.

As far as swords and the like, if you go with naming them something other than sword/bow/whatever, you'll have to go into a full description of the item in question and whatever the name is.  Can you describe a sword or a bow using only words and no real starting reference?  It's harder than you might think.  And working those descriptions into the story might not be worth the work.  Using the common names for items usually makes it easier and immediately conjures the image you want.  But again, it depends on what level of complexity you want in your story.

As far as the crazy norse names, some are ok.  Some are not.  If something seems hard for you to remember while you're writing the story, it's not going to be easier to remember it as a reader.  You really don't want people flipping back and forth through the book saying "what was the Grutrtrtinblurghinstein again?"  If that's the case, change it to something norse-sounding that's a bit simpler, for instance Grutrtrtinblurghinstein could be shortened to gru, or grutin, or blurgh.  OR changed completely to something else.

Another option to prevent readers from flipping back and forth is to reexplain what the weird sounding word means.  For instance when you introduce the term "Njorthrbiartr" explain however you want what it means.  Then when it's used again you can say something along the lines of "the heroic act that earned Dave the title of Njorthrbiartr" reminding readers cleverly what that term means without being blatant in your explanations.

Don't worry too much about pronunciations, readers will always pronounce things their own way.  I mispronounced "aes sedai" for years until I heard the audio versions.

And you can always create a glossary at the end of the book with pronunciations.

But everyone will have a slightly different take.  I think complex is fine if you have a good story.  A complex good story for me is better than a simple good story.

[OZ]

Another thing you can do with complex names is assign nicknames. After all even in real life you seldom see people with long names constantly referred to by their full names. For every Elizabeth I know, I probably know a dozen Bettys, Beths, or Liz's. Introduce the full name first then shorten it to something easy to remember. You can have someone use the full name once in a while just to remind people but there is no need to do it every time. You can even draw a bit of humor from this if it fits in your story. Let a specific character be famous for giving nicknames, or have someone get a nickname that they hate. You can even have a pompous character that insists on being called by his or her full name and get reactions from those around him or her.

[meg_evonne]

Here is a simple and easy rule. Use what you feel comfortable with using. Over the course of writing the work, you might find yourself slipping into alternative names. If so, that name usually will be better. Also, names don't come easily to me, but as I write, a name usually is revealed that is perfect. If no alternate ideas come, then the original ones are probably fine.  Thank goodness for the miracle of word search in docs.

If you are writing this post because you are tired of writing out the long names, or you personally think this is becoming cumbersome, then your readers will be tired of reading them too. It's all a matter of YOUR comfort zone. Readers will accept what you feel comfortable writing. 

[BobForPresident]

An issue that I have: every single chapter needs to further the story, not the character.

The kind of writing I like is where the action of the story reveals the character. So the first thing to get axed in my stuff are what I call "looking in the mirror" moments - where the protagonist is thinking, meditating, worrying, contemplating life. Neat as it may be to write, it doesn't serve the greater story. By the time the character is exhausted and feeling all existential, we should know exactly who they are. They don't need to tell us.