As for the mental stress expanders:
It's not possible to provide clear math, because extra stress is situationally useful. And because stress math is weird, there's a thread in the main forum about that fact.
But we can try.
Refinement makes each attack do +2 stress. Resilience gives a fifth attack. (We'll pretend that you hit automatically and have no ability to attack without magic.) So when counting total stress, the question is whether the stress inflicted by the fifth attack is greater than 4x2 = 8. Which it sometimes will be and sometimes won't be.
When you consider that Refinement makes you more likely to hit and that wizards only occasionally run out of spells and that a wizard who's used his spells can take consequences to cast more and that wizards without spells can still act and that single big hits are usually better than multiple small ones, Refinement is clearly better as long as you can still get the full +2 from it.
And as a general rule, what you can do each action is paramount. Refinement increases that.