Looking for character feedback

[Deadmanwalking]

First, to have extra Consequences your Conviction would need to be Superb. Thos is also just a good idea, so I'd drop an Average skill for it, maybe Presence since you don't need it for social stress.

Second, your sword is made with obsolete rules. See the Enchanted Items Patch thread for how it should be constructed now.

Third, with more Conviction than Discipline, I'd move my Specialty to Control, and for effectiveness put all my Focus Items into the same element (say, +1 each Defensive Control and Power, +1 Offensive Control).

Depending on concept, I might also skip On My Toes for upping Ritual to Thaumaturgy. you'll get more use out of it (including a Biomancy specialty).

[Moriden]

Skills
As a veteran of two wars it seems likely that his guns should be higher then his fists. and since hes only a hedge wizard having such a good lore seems a little out of place.

Stunts

Armed Arts (Fists) [-1]: Shikomizue Scabbard (as Weapons:1 Club) and Shikomizue Sword

I understand that having a sword as your primary focus item is "cool" but have you explained why a primarily European person isn't using something more traditional like a staff or wand? you said that he learned most of his magical knowledge from the venatori, who from what little ive read about them seem to be "watchers with flamethrowers" the watchers aren't exactly known for innovation or breaking from tradition. so you may want to consider switching the sword out for a traditional staff[ or not  since ultimately its your character and you can do whatever makes sense to you].


Rotes
Folguris (Lightning Attack as Force, Four Shifts): Directs a tight beam of magical lightning (Weapon:4) at a target. Requires his Shikomizue Scabbard to cast.
Did you intentionally choose to have this be one weapon rating lower then it can be? both your conviction and discipline are. +4 Great   and you get a plus one to each of them from your specialization and required focus item, so you can have this do weapon rating 5.   

Mirui ab Airae (Air Block, Four Shifts): creates a small wall of air to protect Ted, and functions as either armor or a block. Usually, Ted uses one shift for persistence, so he can do something else in the following exchange without renewing the shield. Requires the shield bracelet.

you'll need to clarify how many shifts are being used for each thing and set them in stone for a rote. id suggest 4 block / 2 armor with one shift for duration.

Strigare (Earth Attack as Force, Three Shifts): Amplifies the gravity around an attacker (like getting hit with a maul), dealing Weapons:3 damage. Requires his Class Ring to Cast

Again this is one shift weaker then it needs to be [two if you don't mind backlash] id suggest switching the earth power bonus from your class ring to control, and making this a weapon 4 attack, you'd get an attack roll of 6 with a base weapon rating of 4 that way.

Almost forgot you may want to be careful with biomancy, depending on your gm, there are no safe uses of it, your either transforming another[ illegal] yourself[ dangerous] or trying to heal people[ which is heavily constrained in this setting].
What exactly did you want to do with it?




posting a link to a similar thread created for one of my characters, since id love to get feed back from more then just the one person : /
http://www.jimbutcheronline.com/bb/index.php/topic,17652.0.html

[kjpowers]

So, some thoughts...Deadmanwalking and Moriden, thank you both for your comments. You know, I've never understood why Hedge Wizard was meant to imply that the user was somehow sub-par, as opposed to a Hedge Knight that was simply a knight that operated independently. Maybe I'll just change the High Aspect to "Venatori Wizard" or something like that. He's a Warden-level evocation expert, and I believe that someone with the resources of the Venatori can gain have the same kind of Great Lore knowledge as someone of a similar age (early 90s) in the Council.

That said, I decided not to give him Thaumaturgy. Bad call, maybe, but I think it keeps within his aspects. I do agree that his time as a member of the military (Devil's Brigade, 8th Army Rangers, and 10th Special Forces) do merit a higher gun rating. Maybe in 1955 he would have been Great, but in 2010 we'll make do with Good. To compensate, I bumped down endurance to Fair and added the "No Pain, No Gain" stunt. Still -9, but without the biomancy specialization (I changed it to wards. I can do that, right?)

I sort of see Ted as a non-traditional guy, and I like that his foci aren't European standard. He's an open-minded wizard, as evidenced by his not becoming a member of the Council, and I thus imagine his influences coming from different plant. And, yes, swords are cool too

Modified my spells (I sort of didn't know what I was doing there - followed previous models) and I think I brought the sword up to the new enchantment standards. Please let me know if the power specializations are right. Again, a case of me not being 100% sure.

Thanks again for everyone's input. Here are the revised stats:

Name: Ted Richardson
 
Aspects:
High Concept: Special Forces Hedge Wizard
Trouble: Hunter of Shadows, Hunted by Shadows
Other: Martha’s New Deal Apprentice; Devil’s Brigade, Korea, and Real Combat; Venatori Hedge Wizard, You Wouldn’t Believe my Night Job…
 
Skills
 
Superb: Conviction
Great: Discipline, Lore,
Good: Athletics, Fists, Guns
Fair: Alertness, Intimidation, Investigation, Endurance,
Average: Contacts, Deceit, Stealth, Rapport, Resources,

Stunts
No Pain, No Gain (Endurance) [-1]: Add two minor physical consequences
Person of Conviction (Conviction) [-1]: Uses conviction to determine Social stress
Armed Arts (Fists) [-1]: (Shikomizue Scabbard and Shikomizue Sword)
 
Powers
 
Evocation [–3]
Rituals: Wards [-2]
The Sight [–1]
Soulgaze [+0]
Wizard’s Constitution [+0]
 
Total: -9 Refresh
 
Rote Spells:
Folguris (Lightning Attack as Force, Four Shifts): Directs a tight beam of magical lightning (Weapon:5) at a target. Requires his Shikomizue Scabbard to cast.
 
Mirui ab Airae (Air Block, Four Shifts): creates a small wall of air to protect Ted, and functions as either Armor:2 or a Block:4 . One shift for duration. Requires the shield watch.
 
Strigare (Earth Attack as Force, Three Shifts): Amplifies the gravity around an attacker (Like getting hit by a maul), dealing Weapons:4 damage.
 

Specializations:

Evocation: Elements (Earth, Air, Spirit); Power (Air +1), Control (Earth+1)

Focus Items:
Shikomizue Scabbard [+1 Offensive Control with Air]
Shield Bracelet [+1 Defensive Control with Air]
Class Ring [+1 Offensive Control with Earth]
 
Enchanted Items:
Shikomizue Sword  [Weapon:2] (2 enchanted item slots)
- The magical effects of this sword may be used 3 times per session

- The Sword casts a counterspell of Great (+4) strength, provided the effect being countered can be physically attacked or touched by a sword (ethereal chains, good; a mental binding, not so much)
 
Stress:

Mental: OOOO (+1 Minor Mental Consequence)
Physical: OOO (+2 Minor Physical Consequences)
Social: OOOO (+1 Minor Social Consequence)

[Deadmanwalking]

Okay, new version problems:

1. No Pain, No Gain has been errata'ed: It now provides only 1 Consequence. Up to you whether you still want to take it.

2. You now have 2 Specializations in Evocation, that's not allowed without Refinement. My suggestion was that you move the current one from Power to Control, not add another. You can have either Air or Earth, your choice, but I reccomend it be in Control.

3. Focus Items. If you go with my advice on a Control specialty you'll have 5 in both in your element of choice. An item that adds to Defensive Control alone is thus useless (though Offensive control alone is still cool). I reccomend you keep the shield bracelet but upgrade it to +1 each to Defensive Control and Defensive Power, and keep the ring but change it's element to be the same as the bracelet and your specialty.

Now, I can see you wanting to have both elements as options, but to be at full Warden level in Evocation, you're probably going to need to specialize. Unless you take a level of Refinement, anyway.

4. Your Rotes. As is, the first two should be 5 shifts, the third 4 (which they aren't listed as). The second should also be Block 5 (though again it's not listed that way).

If you follow my advice, the first will instead require your ring, and still be 5 shifts, the second will rise to 6 (and provide Block 6 or Armor 3), and the third will remain as-is if it stays an earth evocation, but would rise to 5 shifts if you made it Air based.

Also bear in mind that you recieve a fourth Rote. Perhaps a Maneuver of some kind.

[Moriden]

The second should also be Block 5 (though again it's not listed that way).

He put one shift into duration on it.

[Deadmanwalking]

He put one shift into duration on it.

You're quite right. My bad. The other advice all still applies, though.

[kjpowers]

You both are really, really helpful. I'm still trying to wrap my mind around the Wizard, and as I've said before, this is my first pen-and-paper RPG. Thanks for sticking with me through the multiple drafts! I'm going to fiddle with your recommendations, deadmanwalking, and repost when I've got it squared away.

[Moriden]

Your welcome, now go wander over to my link and critique mine
Honestly i would have said more but since deadmanwalking has been so thorough i kept myself to only mentioning things he didn't.

[Deadmanwalking]

You're very welcome. I like to be helpful, and I'm good with mechanics, so tha works out rather well. 

If you're in the mood to return the favor, go have a look at my Sample Characters thread, and maybe put in some input on what I should do next. 

It's found here: http://www.jimbutcheronline.com/bb/index.php/topic,17704.0.html

[kjpowers]

Deadmanwalking,

I have actually been reading over your sample characters, and I intend to use them at some point. I'll read over them more closely tonight/tomorrow and try to leave some constructive comments about where to move forward. Same with your characters, Moriden. Comments from the new guy are forthcoming

So, here's my latest question. I've made all the changes deadmanwalking suggested (I think), but should I still have the two separate foci in the scabbard and the ring? Or should I junk one of them for a neat enchanted item? I also would love to do a rote spell for movement, but I"m not quite sure how to construct it (as you'll see shortly).

Here we go:

Name: Ted Richardson
 
Aspects:
High Concept: Special Forces Ronin Wizard
Trouble: Hunter of Shadows, Hunted by Shadows
Other: Martha’s New Deal Apprentice; Devil’s Brigade, Korea, and Real Combat; Venatori's Resident Wizard, You Wouldn’t Believe my Night Job…
 
Skills
 
Superb: Conviction
Great: Discipline, Lore,
Good: Athletics, Fists, Guns
Fair: Alertness, Intimidation, Investigation, Endurance,
Average: Contacts, Deceit, Stealth, Rapport, Resources,

Stunts

No Pain, No Gain (Endurance) [-1]: Add two minor physical consequences
Person of Conviction (Conviction) [-1]: Uses conviction to determine Social stress
Armed Arts (Fists) [-1]: (Shikomizue Scabbard and Shikomizue Sword)
 
Powers
 
Evocation [–3]
Rituals: Wards [-2]
The Sight [–1]
Soulgaze [+0]
Wizard’s Constitution [+0]
 
Total: -9 Refresh
 
Rote Spells:
Folguris (Lightning Attack as Force, Five Shifts): Directs a tight beam of magical lightning (Weapon:5) at a target. Requires his Shikomizue Scabbard to cast.
 
Mirui ab Airae (Air Block, Six Shifts): creates a small wall of air to protect Ted, and functions as either Armor:3 or a Block:6. Requires the shield watch.
 
Strigare (Earth Attack as Force, Four Shifts): Amplifies the gravity around an attacker (Like getting hit by a maul), dealing Weapons:4 damage.

Celeritais (Air Movement…): Allows Ted to move more quickly…help? Would like this to count for meele somehow. I imagine it improving his speed. Thoughts?

Specializations:

Evocation: Elements (Earth, Air, Spirit); Control (Air + 1)

Focus Items:
Shikomizue Scabbard [+1 Offensive Control with Air]
Shield Bracelet [+1 Defensive Control and Defensive Power with Air]
Class Ring [+1 Offensive Control with Air]
 
Enchanted Items:
Shikomizue Sword  [Weapon:2] (2 enchanted item slots)
- The magical effects of this sword may be used 3 times per session

- The Sword casts a counterspell of Great (+4) strength, provided the effect being countered can be physically attacked or touched by a sword (ethereal chains, good; a mental binding, not so much)
 
Stress:

Mental: OOOO (+1 Minor Mental Consequence)
Physical: OOO (+1 Minor Physical Consequences)
Social: OOOO (+1 Minor Social Consequence)

[Deadmanwalking]

You actually can't afford both the scabbard and the ring, though you can pick which you want to keep.

I'd do the Movement effect as a Maneuver, of the sort you use to move around. Check the maneuvers selection for details. It won't jack up your speed for things like dodging, but it'll let you leap tall buildings in a single bound (metaphorically if not literally).

[Moriden]

The Ring foci isn't necessary no, but having more control dose increase your damage so its hardly wasted.

Fir the movement spell, you need to do two things, one remember that the way you design spells in this game is to decide "what it should do " then move backwards. so do you want to be able to fly. run super fast, teleport etc? The second thing is to remember that movement rules are arbitrary to begin with. you can as a default move one "zone" normally, each shift of power in such a spell allows you to move one additional zone. duration would extend how long it lasts, from there you should be able to make something.

I'm not positive but i believe your air control specialization has to be in offense or defense so youll want to pick one[ feel free to correct me if im wrong dead].

At the moment if my math is right you have
Offensive Air      power 5  Control  6
Defensive Air     power 6  Control 6  [presuming your base specialization goes here]
Offensive Earth  power 5  control 4  [your third element will be this as well]
So you could change your gravity rote to an air one {thickening and increasing the mass of air around the person causing crushing damage] or switch your focus items slightly to bring it up to a weapon 5 attack if you'd like.

Another idea you may not have thought of is something like this
Lightning Dragon Kiss 6 shift air or earth affect
Wreathes your sword in crackling electricity.
Weapon 6 affect delivered by your sword[ use your weaponry, or in your case fists skill for the accuracy roll] with gm permission things that modify weapon strikes would add to this.

Final note, it looks like you could simply specialize in earth if you wanted and have all of your base rotes work that way.
the lightning is air or earth, The shield of air could be done with gravitational forces, and of course the third one could stay as is. Youd have to use your "secondary" element for the movement probably but i dont think youll want more then 4 shifts into that anyway.


Edit

You actually can't afford both the scabbard and the ring, though you can pick which you want to keep.

Well not and have the sword anyway.

I'd do the Movement effect as a Maneuver, of the sort you use to move around. Check the maneuvers selection for details. It won't jack up your speed for things like dodging, but it'll let you leap tall buildings in a single bound (metaphorically if not literally).

if you want it to give "bonuses" like making you harder to dodge, the suggested way is to treat it like a block, you have x shifts into power, and y into duration. you then use x for your apropriate skill instead of your actual skill for y exchanges.

[kjpowers]

Moriden, I really dig that Lightning Dragon Kiss spell. I'm going to find a suitable Latin translation and make that happen!

So, If I'm doing my math correctly (we'll see), I have the scabbard and Wristwatch taking up three foci slots, and the enchanted sword taking up two enchanted item slots. If I made my ring the sole focus, could I then swap the third focus (the scabbard is two) and instead enchant the scabbard with a weapon:4 spirit force spell?

In my mind, it would look something like this:

Focus Items:
Class Ring [+1 Offensive Control with Air]
Shield Wristwatch [+1 Defensive Control and Defensive Power with Air]

Enchanted Items:
Shikomizue Sword  [Weapon:2] (2 enchanted item slots)
*The magical effects of this sword may be used 3 times per session
* The Sword casts a counterspell of Great (+4) strength, provided the effect being countered can be physically attacked or touched by a sword (ethereal chains, good; a mental binding, not so much)

Shikomizue Scabbard (2 enchanted item slots)
* The scabbard delivers a kinetic Weapons:4 blow 3 (?) times per session.

By adding that Lightning Dragon Kiss spell, Ted is going to be capable of dealing some serious meele damage. Gosh, I really like that spell!

[Deadmanwalking]

If you have both Enchanted Iems listed, you'll only have two slots left for Focus Items. Aside from that, it should work fine.

Personally, I'd skip the second Enchanted Item, and just up the sword to Weapon: 3 (saying it's a well-made sword). No cost and perfectly appropriate. And you can keep the Ring.

[Moriden]

By adding that Lightning Dragon Kiss spell, Ted is going to be capable of dealing some serious meele damage. Gosh, I really like that spell!

Keep in mind that weather the weapon rating of the dragon kiss stacks or replaces that of the base weapon is mostly up to your gm. [its fairly legitimate to treat it either way]