Creating a Vampire Breed - A critique would be appreciated

[seekmore]

Post edited per mod request.

[Starbeam]

So...they're Twilight vampires but without the crappy bits?

[Hoyled]

The rots in the sun bit I havent seen before. The rest Ive seen, some of it alot.

[comprex]

Are you trying to write a literal 'No rest for the wicked' plot?   

 Given the above abilities parameters, *no* vampire would *ever* rest other than once every two weeks.

I'd look into modifying rest/sleep/meditate:

a) gives some sort of benefit to all vamps, maybe increased mental faculties, increased ability to resist sire, certainly more resistant to sunlight.

b) allows a benefit based on feeding (like deer-fed or chicken-fed or hog-fed vamps can resist the Hunger better through rest)

Other thoughts:
- make the venom correspond to the diet, maybe mimic human or animal-parasitic patterns like viral ones, so that a vampire feeding on humans and pigs would be dangerous to both?

- elaborate what venom does to vamps not the victims

- elaborate what keeps the overall population of vamps in check.

[seekmore]

Post edited per mod request.

[Uruboros]

how about for a little while after they created a new vampire the sire is weaker?
to kinda put it in perspective

vampire lord

vampire knight 1st class
vampire knight 2nd class
vampire knight 3rd class

vampire 1st class
vampire 2nd class
vampire 3rd class                                                       

newborn

when a vampire knight 1st class creates a new vampire the knight becomes a 2nd class knight
because they must put their own power into the new vamp.
every 50 years or so a vamp upgrades it's class so a vamp must sink 50 years of life into a new vampire which is a population control of its own plus newborn vampires cant make  more

[The Corvidian]

Throw out the sunlight thing, that was added by F. W. Murnau.

[comprex]

Throw out the sunlight thing, that was added by F. W. Murnau.

I think he should keep it, it could lend itself quite nicely to a variety of plot arcs.    Especially if vampires can turn out considerably different as they 'age' depending on choices they make.

[Starbeam]

Throw out the sunlight thing, that was added by F. W. Murnau.

And having looked that up and verified it, I think I'll be remembering that and have a little snippet for my vampires.  Hmm...that could make things more interesting..

[The Corvidian]

I think he should keep it, it could lend itself quite nicely to a variety of plot arcs.    Especially if vampires can turn out considerably different as they 'age' depending on choices they make.

Sunlight could "turn off" their abilities.

[seekmore]

Sunlight could "turn off" their abilities.

If a vampire goes out into the sun, he will immediately start rotting.

It's hard to do much of anything when your insides are liquefying.

If the vampire were to constantly feed while he were in direct sunlight, its a non-issue.

But that doesn't exactly lend itself to secrecy.

[comprex]

Sunlight could "turn off" their abilities.

In that vein, yes, but building up semi-permanent histories of choices made and consequences thereof.      

Do you know who Kurt Hahn, the founder of Outward Bound was?    He used to talk about seven forces of decline that affect the modern world:  decline of fitness, care, skill, initiative, self-discipline, imagination, and compassion.    All of which are functions of experience.

Now, the funny thing is we associate most of those declining quantities _but_not_all_ with *lack* of being out in sunlight.   Now flip that.    Imagine a tennis champion vamp, who, the more he plays outside, gets weaker, less imaginative but also crueler, while at the same time less assertive.   That's right, sunlight makes him into a cheap weak bully.