Review Help!

[Acheron]

I've been trying to write for almost two years now, I have great ideas but can't make them detailed. Anyway, I'm a member of writerscafe.org for about a month now and if it wasn't to much trouble and any one already is a member could they maybe read and review my book. It's called Acheron because that's the main character's name probably not the final title. I would consider it fantasy at this moment.
Oh, only the first couple chapters are on the site and the username is again Acheron.

[prophet224]

I dropped off some thoughts.  Hope they help!

[IronKite]

One thing I gotta mention right away is tense consistency.  It's fairly unusual to have a 'present tense', but it is done... however, you have to make sure that everything ends up in present tense as a result. 

First paragraph: are lying down, watching, asks, replies, blinks, looks, said

I was grooving on the tense up until 'said', at which point I screeched to a stop and had to re-read.  No biggie, just a quick check/correction in your word processor.


(And I'm always doing stuff like that too... I think of the hollow mockery of a fellow I was before I had an editor, and I cringe.  It was an ugly time in my life...  )