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DF Spoilers / Re: Some Thoughts **Spoilers for Peace Talks**
« on: July 15, 2020, 06:45:49 AM » (click to show/hide)
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Author Craft / Re: opinion wanted
« on: April 07, 2015, 11:39:11 PM »
I don't think you need that part of the line at all. You can just stop with: "Life was already hard enough without a little bit of pretend." The rest of the line feels redundant to me, and as it risks shattering a child's preconceptions, unless that is the point of your story, I wouldn't go there. Frankly, it's unnecessary based upon your setup from what I can tell. Now, if there's a later point to your story where you are going to prove the adult the fool for not believing, that's something you need to consider. But from your original post, I'm not seeing evidence of that setup/knock down.
One other thing I'll mention. POV. Exactly why are we getting to know the adult's inner thoughts here? Not that you can't do that, you can do anything that works. But be careful you aren't unintentionally head hopping here. (I don't have near enough text to see if you are or aren't or if this is simply a stylistic effect.) Is she one of your POV characters? Unless it's important for characterization that we know what Mrs. Sudbury is thinking, you can even cut out every bit after “I don’t know if it is true, but it might be." And you'd have much the same effect from the children's POV. (They aren't privy to her thoughts.)
Good luck.
One other thing I'll mention. POV. Exactly why are we getting to know the adult's inner thoughts here? Not that you can't do that, you can do anything that works. But be careful you aren't unintentionally head hopping here. (I don't have near enough text to see if you are or aren't or if this is simply a stylistic effect.) Is she one of your POV characters? Unless it's important for characterization that we know what Mrs. Sudbury is thinking, you can even cut out every bit after “I don’t know if it is true, but it might be." And you'd have much the same effect from the children's POV. (They aren't privy to her thoughts.)
Good luck.
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Author Craft / Re: beta readers
« on: April 07, 2015, 11:10:23 PM »
This is a tough one. As my older son is 8 at the moment, and quite literate, I'm often tempted to see if he'd read something for me aimed at younger audiences. On the other hand, while he's quite happy to read any words you stick in front of him, getting useful feedback is a challenge. He's not unwilling to talk, just, well, eight. Easily distracted, and more likely to try to do a mash up of whatever I've written and Transformers/Power Rangers/Pokemon, whatever his latest obsession is.
I'd aim for a bit older kids, if you could, as I think you're more likely to get cogent feedback. Also, I'd try to focus their feedback as best you can. Kids aren't going to have experience giving feedback. Make it easy on them. Like this: Put stars next to any sentences that you loved. A smiley face next to anything that made you laugh. Circle anything you don't understand (words, phrases, paragraphs, etc.) Put an X by anything you didn't like. You could also try direct questions about things like: Which character did you like? Which character would you want to be friends with? Which character would you want to be? What you do if you were <character X>? You can probably do similar questions with setting elements too. For example, if you were writing Harry Potter, you could ask: Which house would you want to be sorted into? Etc. But I wouldn't go crazy with the questions. Keeping it short will probably be more useful.
Good luck!
I'd aim for a bit older kids, if you could, as I think you're more likely to get cogent feedback. Also, I'd try to focus their feedback as best you can. Kids aren't going to have experience giving feedback. Make it easy on them. Like this: Put stars next to any sentences that you loved. A smiley face next to anything that made you laugh. Circle anything you don't understand (words, phrases, paragraphs, etc.) Put an X by anything you didn't like. You could also try direct questions about things like: Which character did you like? Which character would you want to be friends with? Which character would you want to be? What you do if you were <character X>? You can probably do similar questions with setting elements too. For example, if you were writing Harry Potter, you could ask: Which house would you want to be sorted into? Etc. But I wouldn't go crazy with the questions. Keeping it short will probably be more useful.
Good luck!
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DF Reference Collection / Re: [CD spoilers] Cowl = Simon reference thread
« on: November 30, 2012, 03:16:19 AM »
That quote is something that ruled out (for me) all the other original SC members. We've seen Harry talking and meeting and in some instances getting his measure taken by all the other SC members prior to Dead Beat. The only one we never saw him have contact with was Simon. It's a quote that ostensibly doesn't make sense for someone already familiar with him in person to say.
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