Darn. Wish there was a way to get this figured out. I'll see if I can figure out how to log the session so we have a transcript to be able to send you.

Thanks, I'd appreciate it. A transcript would be good in any case, so you'll have something to refer to when tweaking the map.

Kath

it's supposed to take place some day in the last two weeks of February, starting at around 3pm Eastern US time (hey, we europeans want to participate as well  )

Those who want to join, please mark your available dates here: http://www.doodle.com/bvki5848gi7fk2uf

Is there any way to change an entry? I looked at the dates, but didn't check the time.  Can't make 3pm EST.

The voice here reminds me of detective noir pulp, which I don't mind. The problem I see is your tendency toward run-on, overly complicated sentences. For example:

     The 327 v8 of my 69 Camaro RS rumbled down the streets of Washington DC parting the thick columns of steam billowing from sewer grates at 3:00 AM on a late November night and came to a stop in front of a building constructed on a grand scale with huge white columns and white stone that would have looked more appropriate in ancient Greece than in a modern American city.

First problem, it's confusing; from what's written, the V8 is what parts the columns of steam and comes to a stop before the building. Second, this is one long run-on sentence completely devoid of any punctuation besides the period at the end. It would be clearer broken it up into two sentences:

     My '69 Camaro RS rumbled down the streets of Washington, DC, at 3:00 AM, parting the thick columns of steam billowing from sewer grates. We came to a stop in front of a building constructed on a grand scale: huge white columns and white stone that would have looked more appropriate in ancient Greece than in a modern American city.

Why those changes? The bit about the V8 engine was excessive detail that distracts the reader. The time bit was moved for clarity (i.e., 3:00 AM is when he drove through DC, not when the sewer grates are scheduled to release steam). Additional punctuation was also added for clarity.

One thing I didn't get when reading your samples, though, is emotional engagement. The writing is breezy and detached--emotionally distant. Now, I don't expect your character to wear his heart on his sleeve, but even Harry Dresden gulps or has his instincts "screaming at [him] to run." The second sample, which you say is near the end, should have rising tension; it's supposed to be building up to an ominous event. He should be fearful of what's at stake, which would remind the reader of why they should care about your character and fear his failure and death. This is missing. You're not engaging your reader. The writing is still breezy: nothing to see here; move along.

Also, you provide conflicting signals: "if I somehow managed to live through the night which at the moment seemed fairly unlikely" and "the equipment I would need for a night of breaking, entering, snooping, and, if it couldn't be avoided, violence." So in the previous paragraph, he expects to die, yet later on, he hints that violence could be avoided. Unless he's set to commit nonviolent suicide, the text is in direct contradiction of itself.

You can only deduct writing expenses to offset income from writing. If you don't sell anything for money, you've just got a hobby. If you keep really good records, though, and manage to sell something for a hefty payday a few years down the road, you can go back several years (5, I think) and deduct expenses leading up to the sale.

You can deduct expenses even if you don't have income from writing. So long as you have records/proof that you're pursuing publication (rejection letters from publishers/agents, attending writing conferences, etc.) demonstrating an intent to make a profit, you can claim the expenses for up to--I think--3 years without writing income; if you still haven't sold after that, then the IRS may classify your activity as a hobby.

I just happened to be re-reading CuF. On p.162, Amara says, "If Kalarus's forces take Ceres, there will be nothing to stand between them and the capital." And on p.163, Gaius says, "I'm dispatching Third Imperian to your aid, but they cannot reach you before Kalare's forces. The Crown Legion, however, was on maneuvers south of the capital, and I ordered them to your aid within an hour of the attack. They've been force-marching through the night, and Sir Miles should be arriving with his men within hours. . . . I have already asked High Lords Placidus and Atticus to send relief forces to link up with Third Imperian."

Based on the above, I think Alera Imperia should be where Placida is currently positioned in your map. Currently, the map doesn't support Amara's statement since Kalare would have to go through Atticus to get to Alera Imperia, and the Crown Legion maneuvering in the south of the capital would not have a rapid response advantage since it would have to march through Atticus to get to Ceres.

Edited to correct the last statement.

The footpath that connects Bernardholt to the causeway is the one that crosses the Rillwater. I don't remember any reference to the causeway crossing the Rillwater. Basically, I think the pine barrens, Bernardholt, the forest near Bernardholt, and the Princeps Memorium, and the X marks for Amara and second herdbane should be farther east relative to Garados. Also, the causeway leads to Garrison.

On page 38, Bernard and Tavi are standing on the bridge talking to Isana through Rill, and Tavi " shot an uneasy glance to the northeast, where the towering mountain of Garados sat glowering down on the inhabitants of the Calderon valley"
eg. Garados is Northeast of Bernardholt.

I'm trying to square all this in the map. It's definitely confusing, at least to me.
I'm going to continue to look at it. Maybe a light bulb will come on.

A couple more details to add to the pot:
The north bridge over the Rill where Bernard and Tavi talk to Isana is a footbridge for the lane heading north that connects Bernardholt to the causeway. It isn't a part of the causeway. On p.33, they're on a winding lane  On p.35, Tavi follows Bernard "on down the road ... toward the causeway".

On p.46, Isana in the kitchen at Bernardholt crosses to the northern window and eyes the mountain peak to the north.

On p.62, the cry of the second herdbane comes from the trees to the west of them, up the slope (of Garados). The pine barrens apparently run from the causeway to part of the way up the slopes of Garados and east of the mountain.

It's possible that the lane first runs on a northwesterly route from Bernard's steadholt to the Rill, then northeast from the north bridge to where it connects with the causeway somewhere near the pine barrens and some miles east of Garados.