This might be coming out of left field here, but...

By chance, Jim, did you ever read R. Karl Largent's Ancients?

And were the monsters in any way inspiration for your Uber Ghouls?

Nor will I do the same with the Lord of the Rings, and pause reflectively during the Two Towers to ask the Merlin did he side with the Elves, or the Orcs? before continueing on.

I am not allowed to give Murphy a pair of elevator shoes for Christmas....I do not want to have a broken leg over the holidays...

However disco platformers with the lil goldfish may go over decently well. ..  I think.

I will not enchant said shoes to continue to dance an irish jig ... murphy may still be able to kick my ass, or she may chop off her legs and then come after me.

I will not make my potions for mass market retail

I will not enchant any sexual item and give it to thomas as a gift, even as a gag gift.

I will not help new trainees by telling them their wands have phoenix feathers in them and unicorn hair

Nor will I saunter around the training camp with a lightening bolt scar on my forehead complaining about stupid british writers getting the story all wrong.

Nor will I call Cowl 'Voldemort' from now on.

I will not ask the Merlin which house he was trained in, nor will I imply it was Slitherin.

I will not go to any Dungeons and Dragons conventions and show off my 'leet skillz' of wizarding.

If LARPing as a wizard I will not cast real spells. No matter how much the others would try making me their king.

I will not go to Vegas to try my hand at controling the dice, or at cards, or using my murphyonic field to win at the video poker/slots. Larry Fowler was bad enough, I do not need more of Marcone's 'friends' mad at me.

Even though I have so much issues with knew fearie and beasty types cropping up, I will not ask Bob to create a pokedex, and even if he did, I must refrain from uttering 'gotta catch em all' ... But if Thomas ever gets a STD I will not hold back, even though he may kill me.

I will not create a throwable binding spell... wait, why am I not doing this? Ah right, they sometimes break free, and carrying one on my hip would not be good.

If I ever become high again, I will not trick out my staff with 'rad stickers' and paint any warrior women onto the Blue Beetle.

Setting a hight requirement to enter my bedroom may give people the wrong idea, so I must not do that. Not only would it tick off Murphy, but the little folk I have watching my place would be really confused.

I may not gather a small army of remote controlled cars and chopsticks to have backyard jousting matches between the fearie folk, even if the prize is Pizza.

I will not act like Gargamel, and the feary folk are not Smurfs, so I will not try to eat them, or turn them into gold. Which ever was his original intention, it changed episode to episode.

I will not enchant my car so that Bob can occupy it. No matter how much I like knight rider.

made me choke on cereal.  Win!

Thank you, thank you. Is your cereal trying to tell you something? Possessed by ghosts possibly? If not, you are not looking hard enough.

*now does the happy dance*

On a side note, I distantly remember Cereal... this is about the time I normally crash into a hopefully dreamless sleep. I tend to 'work' late evenings and catch up on 'normal' activities in the early hours of the morning.

you're welcome, didnt want to offend a mod (or anyone for that matter), so, *shrugs* glad you like it

My name is not a killing word.

I can not show off my newest attack “Care bear stare!” And Murphy does not think it cute.

My alphabet soup is not trying to tell me something, my cherios are not possessed by ghosts, and much to my dismay fortune cookies do not always ‘know things.’

I will not report my grave robbed, and demand my body back from CPD.

I will not take any potions Bob advises me to make, “to get in touch with my feminine side”
Unless I am really bored and lonely.
More so than before.
And he gives me the anti-potion incase it doesn’t work out.
Quit looking at me like that.

I can not refer to being thrown out of the Raith deeps in a ball of force as a B*** **B (self edit)

I will not use a Hadoken attack.
On that same note I will not chain the two swords I have together into sword chucks.

A well done side of beef with a piece of board stuck to it is not a deterrent to vampires, and trying to convince them it is, does not work.

I will not tell any of my suitors “Fine, but the hat stays on”

I will not suddenly start seeing through the “4th wall”

When I dance, I will stop looking at my pants. Even if they are no friend of mine.

I will not sell myself on ebay when I’m late on the rent.
A) even if it would be easy
B) especially if it would be easy
C) even if I could escape afterwards.

I will stop saying “Wingardium leviosa” when I work air magic.

I will stop changing Thomas’ radio to stations that play Cher.

I will not cover my glove in sequins, stones, or replace it with a white one and grab myself in public. No matter how well I moon walk.

I will stop interrogating each lawn gnome I pass.

Teasing the goth kids is not funny. And showing them a real vampire is not going to change their minds.

“I came, I saw, I conquered” is not an appropriate after coitus statement to tell Luccio.

I will stop playing with the police scanner.
-I will also stop enchanting them with ecto-radio-mancy. (Refer to book SF, Harry’s office radio is channeled to Bob)
-I will stop making up words. 

Things I really wanted to ask, but will refrain from doing, each time I visit the library: 
Harry Potter: Fact or fiction? Do you have a pre-employment trial by paper-cuts and is it mandatory? Do the aisles fill with wicked imps or killer moths after hours? Charging additional, ‘imaginary’ fees to those with late fees, a problem?
Speaking of late fees, do you use a ninja repossession service? Is there anything that involves “Surprise electric shocks?” Throwing hard back books at noisy children: do you frown on that?