I may not start humming ride of the valkyrie when Charity meets Ms Gard for the first time.  Of course I am not sure who I would be humming for.

If I catch a male White Court vampire eyeing Charity, I am not allowed to casually mention how wimpy her husband is.  While it's true that removing incubi from circulation is usually desirable, there's a right way and a wrong way to go about it...

When the time comes for Molly to learn electricity magic, I am not allowed to 'forget' to remind her to leave the piercings at home.  That would be just cruel...

When the time comes for Maeve to meet Molly, I am not allowed to gag if they start oohing and aahing over each other's outfits and exchanging fashion comments...

I am not allowed to invite Mother Summer and Mother Winter to tea, just to make Mab nuts...wait, it's too late for that, isn't it?

If I ever decide to let Lara get that close to me again, I am not allowed to 'accidentally' call her by one of her sisters' names in the heat of the moment.  While this might well breed dissension amid the White Court, it could also get my spine broken.  Bad risk/return ratio there...

When the time comes for Luccio, Murphy, or Elaine to meet Tera West, I am not allowed to whisper to them, "Yeah, she looks relaxed, but she's actually kind of wild."  I am, however, allowed to introduce Tera to Lara, just to see the two predators interact...

Also, when that time comes, it would really be small of me to tell Murph, "You remember, the one who helped me get loose back when you decided it would be a keen idea to arrest me in the middle of a loup-garou rampage?"  So I'm not allowed to do that.  On the other hand, I don't have to contradict Tera if she asks whether Murphy is still stupid.  (Come on, can't you hear Tera asking that?)

I am not allowed to put out 'the word' that the Za-Lord's guard has their orders in the event of anything bad happening to me...although come to think of it, that's not a bad idea...

I am not allowed to start dancing if "Honky Tonk Badonkadonk" by Trace Adkins comes on the radio when I am meeting with Murphy.....I dont want to get a broken wrist....

Actually that sounds more like a shooting offense!  (It might be that I got a little sick of that song when I heard it for the 1,205,385th time.)

I am not allowed to get drunk, call up Titania at 3:00 am, and ask her, "It's 3:00 am, do you know where your daughter is?"

I am not allowed to get drunk, call up Mab at 3:00 am, and tell her, "It's 3:00 am and I know where your daughter is..."

I am not allowed to bring Mouse to White Council meetings, just to watch him meet Ancient Mai's stone toys...

I am not allowed to bring Mouse to White Council meetings, just on the chance that Morgan decides to tear off any bandages...

I am not allowed to bring Marcone to White Council meetings, just so he can show Langtry what effective leadership looks like...wait a minute, why exactly am I not allowed to do that?
 
I am not allowed to phone up Lord Raith and ask him if he's feeling hungry...

I am not allowed to tease Lara by pretending to offer to trade Carlos to her in exchange for information.  Likewise, I am not allowed to tell Lara that Maeve has been seen in his apartment lately.  It just leads to trouble...

I am not allowed to let Molly dye Mouse multiple colors for Halloween.  That was fun, but Stallings chewed me out for days afterward about all the reports of a 'rainbow-colored giant monster' in the steeets...

I am not allowed to ask Lara what she knows about my mother, even though they almost certainly knew each other.  Mostly because I'm afraid of what she'll tell me...

Charity and I are not allowed to weird everybody out by suddenly acting like best friends...even though it would make Molly crazy...

When Lara and her sisters are out for a 'girls night out', I am not allowed to 'happen' to let Bob out for a 'spirit's night on the town' at the same time.  The total destruction of the city of Chicago is too high a price for a laugh.

Not to mention the Dangers if they were to start cooperating...

Somehow...I just can't see that happening, except in emergency tactical situations.  Marcone has a moral compass of a sort, Lara pawned hers decades ago.  They just wouldn't get along.

In the event of a smackdown, Marcone vs. Lara battle of wits and schemes for secret power...my money in on Marcone, after a long hard fight, or it would be except that I am not allowed to place bets on the outcome of a Lara/Marcone ultimate smackdown battle for secret control. 

I am not allowed to sell popcorn for the first time Lara attempts to defeat Marcone...personally...if you know what I mean.

If for some reason the CPD ever needs to put out an APB description of Lara Raith, I am not allowed to mention that I know where they can find some professional quality stills and video of the perp...

Once Lash returns, I am not allowed to mention casually to Lara that, "You call that temptation?! I've been tempted by an expert!" just to make Lash laugh...however, at that point I am allowed to pass on Lash's professional criticisms of Lara's technique.  In doing so, however, I am not allowed to repeat some of Lash's personal nicknames for Lara, discretion is the better part of valor, after all...

Note: This is a continuation of this thread!  Be sure to check it out as well--funny stuff!  --Priscilla




Speaking of beauty contests...

I am not allowed to reenact the Judgement of Paris with Mab, Maeve, and Lara as the contestants and Detective Rudolph as the judge.  While this would be an appropriate punishment for Rudolph, the last time someone tried something this the mess took ten years to clean up and there was all kinds of diplomatic and political fallout...

I am not allowed to tease Lara about the growing number of people who know something interesting about her father...

I am not allowed to encourage Lara and Marcone to fight each other for secret power in Chicago.  While this would certainly keep them both busy and out of my hair for a long period, one or the other would eventually win and 'emerge stronger than either'.  Not a good thing.  Though the Vegas oddsmakers would be going crazy trying to pick the winner...

I am not allowed to hum the tune to "The Cleanup Woman" when I am in the same room with Murphy and Luccio.  That's just childish.  Kind of fun, but childish.  And it could get me killed.

In the event I find myself facing off against Kincaid, I am not allowed to yell, "Hey Kincaid, how about a nice Hawaiian punch!" just before I cut loose with all the rings at once.  A whispered 'aloha' is sufficient, and that way nobody else hears it.

I am not allowed to get upset if Murphy ever gets mad at me for never showing her that magic-shield trick that anyone can do that I showed Butters, I have it coming and will accept her anger in a mature way.  However, I am allowed to ring her up during dates with Luccio and accidentally mention my pants.

I am not allowed to sic Mouse on Detective Rudolph.  However, purely hypothetically, if Mouse were to wonder into Rudolph's house all on his own, and hypothetically, if Rudolph were to startle him...

Related, I am not allowed to hum, "Maeve's Mom Has Got It Goin' On".

In the aftermath of the threesome, for that matter I am not allowed to sing it around Elaine, Luccio, Susan, Karrin, or Lash, either.  For some reason none of them seem to find it funny.

No, none of them think 'Fire and Ice' is funny, either.