The main objection I have to these writeups is that the torch + pitchfork routine really can't threaten them. A lower Athletics skill and less focused builds would help with that.
What I am worried about BCV builds in general is that they have all kinds of powers and don't focus on anything specific. Take a look at other 60-refresh supernatural heavyweights and you see that they can have tremendous powers in their type, enough to challenge entire armies or even nations. I even put Superman and The Hulk at only 42 refresh and they can seriously challenge the US military.
So essentially, these builds are basically invincible by large numbers of weak creatures but are easily defeated by one or two creatures that come close to their refresh. (the exact opposite of what you were looking for, IMHO)
And maneuvering isn't that simple. You have to hit a difficulty, which may well be based on the target's skills, and you have to justify how the aspect helps the thing that it is invoked to boost. Which may or may not be easy.
I recommend that you drop the Athletics skill enormously. Maybe to Good. That way, normal mortals can land a hit (although not easily) and the BCV runs no faster than the human limit.
Fists, Stealth, and other physical stuff can go down too. I don't think that most Black Court Elders are physically focused.
Maybe raise Toughness above Mythic to compensate.
I always saw shapeshifting as a minor side thing for BCVs. Making their elders among the best in the world at it seems like a poor idea to me. For fluffy and crunchy reasons.
I like the way that these guys are unfocused and weak for their refresh. Vampires in general are like that. NPCs generally shouldn't be optimized anyway, although exceptions abound.
20 000 people is a bit much, I think. That many people would create a crowd so large that over 99% of them would be standing around doing nothing because there's other people in the way.
My idea about physical power is that vampires sort of cap out physically after a while. In game terms, the optional power list for the template doesn't include True Aim or Mythic Speed. So they explore magic. Look at the Red Court. The old ones use magic and willpower instead of muscle, while the mooks are pure physical monsters.
Also not a big fan of Elders lacking powers available to ordinary BCVs. Doesn't make much sense to me. Did they forget how to do those things?
Semi-Intellectus is kind of interesting, but it has problems. First, it makes your skill list irrelevant. Second, it requires inelegant patching to avoid abuses. Third, I really don't think you should modify Modular Abilities like that. The power's limits are left ambigous in canon for a reason.
Black Court Magic is boring and generic. It needs more flavour.
Well Of Power is bad. It devalues Fate Points, and also it is very boring. Why not just take debt?
Psychic Assualt seems overpriced. Also pointless as a power. Why not just make it a stunt?
Quick Renfield seems overpriced, but I really can't be sure. Effects like this have no precedent.
Curse Transmittance is the almost same as Quick Renfield.
Entropic Shield is something that I do not like at all. It makes opposing efforts seem pointless.
Weather Control seems like a variant of Ritual to me. If that doesn't work for you, just make it a -1 power that creates scene aspects and remove the guidelines.
Anyway, I think that Drakul is probably beyond stats (given our current rules tech). And I don't make that designation lightly.
What Refresh and skill level were you planning to give him?
Any unusual stunts/powers?
1. Soulgaze seems wrong on a soulless vampire.