Motivation for a Fellow Writer

[blgarver]

So I have this friend who has a passion for storytelling and writing, but he finds himself distracted, mostly with real world things, as we all do.  I feel like I'm a bit more evolved in the writing process than he is - not necessarily a better writer, mind you, I just think I've gotten through a lot of the beginning writer battles that he is still fighting - and I feel that I should use my experience to motivate him and help him through some of the early fights.

But I don't want to seem like I'm trying to make him write.  He keeps saying he wants to write, but I don't know if he's really sat down and thought about to what extent.  It seems like he wants to do it professionally, but then again he seems to hold a grudge toward writing for all the free time it takes up.

I don't know if I should lean on him gently, or just let him be.  I like support and motivation from fellow writers when I am slacking off, but that's because I want to be a professional writer and I love being immersed in the craft.  I am on the fence here.  I don't want to badger my friend and make it seem like I'm disappointed in him because he isn't writing regularly, or working toward a career in writing.  He's my friend whether he wants to write or not.

Anyone ever been in a situation like this?  I could use some advice on how to proceed.  Thanks.

[Shecky]

Ask him point-blank if he would like you to help him. Proceed appropriately from there.

[the neurovore of Zur-En-Aargh]

Ask him point-blank if he would like you to help him. Proceed appropriately from there.

If he agrees that he does want help, then ask him how serious he is, and what scale of commitment he is willing to put into it.

[Shecky]

= "proceed appropriately"

[Roaram]

take your friend out to thee 24 hour restaurant of choice, and start off with an open dissusion on the story ideas. yours or his. try to select one idea, and only one, to work through as a joint project. then you can help with the basics, and maybe get a valuable team effort going

[blgarver]

take your friend out to thee 24 hour restaurant of choice, and start off with an open dissusion on the story ideas. yours or his. try to select one idea, and only one, to work through as a joint project. then you can help with the basics, and maybe get a valuable team effort going

He has a screenplay in progress at the moment, and I offered to join up with him on it because it is a fanfilm and we both know the universe.  We're trying to get festival rights to make the film so we can actually do something with it, but we're in the writing phase now.  He didn't really answer me, but it was kind of in the middle of a casual conversation, and I think the topic switched before we really got to talk about it.

[the neurovore of Zur-En-Aargh]

take your friend out to thee 24 hour restaurant of choice, and start off with an open dissusion on the story ideas. yours or his. try to select one idea, and only one, to work through as a joint project. then you can help with the basics, and maybe get a valuable team effort going

A joint project is very often not a good place to start, though.  Particularly if yopu turn out to have very different writing habits. The strain of a collaboration not working can easily dmage a friendship.

[Roaram]

depends on the friendship, I suppose. but I have been in the situation of having no time to wrtie, and making it a social event help get me focused. it didn't work the first couple times, sure. But eventually it did, and my friend who writes with me now is invaluable. I literally could not do it unless he helped. maybe now I could. maybe. but then? not a chance. I was that guy that had thirty beginings to stories, and could tell you the rest, but never got anything down on paper after chapter two.
my friend works as an editor for me. telling me what wasn't good, what to wrtie next. keeps me focused on actually wrting. plus when we get blocked, we chat about life and girlfriends and what not. and we argue. last night we got yelling mad over a description point that bore no relation to the story and the reader wouldn't notice. but that helps too, in the long run.

I am just saying some of us writer types have a lot of fun day dreaming, and a little push (or out right goading) might be needed to make us pick up a pen. I know I did.

[Captain's Honor]

I've been a struggling writer for 20 years.  It isn't that I don't have passion for the craft, I love it when I'm in the zone.  But it's hard to get there.  Life is a major obstacle, so is my attitude about writing sometimes.  I wonder how relevant it is, compare myself to some of the greats, like Jim, or get overwhelmed by the sheer volume of work that is already out there.

I wish I had someone who would lean on my gently, but also be my sounding board when things get wound up too tight and my characters are chasing themselves around my head. 

And maybe your friend does too.  So my best advice to you, is ask you friend what he needs to write and then offer him what support and motivation you can.

[blgarver]

After work yesterday I got home and he was all wound up and ready to go to Borders for a few hours of writing.  I had been up since 4 that morning, working on my own novel before I had to be at work at 8.  I was beat.  Felt like I'd been mauled by Jesus or something.  But I agreed to go with him, even though I just wanted to sink into my bed and pass out.  I didn't want him to decide to stay home because I wasn't going.  And I had a few hundred more words in me to put into my novel anyway.  So we went.  He wrote some, talked about his other projects he wanted to do.  I wrote a paragraph or two on my book.

And in the course of our conversations between writing, I think I figured out what the deal is.  He is writing this fan script so we can produce it and turn it into a fan film.  It's not really something he wants to do.  He's just writing it as a favor for our film producer buddies so they can have something to film.  Plus it's fanfiction.  He is itching to start on his own work, his own novel.  So I don't think that the problem is with his passion for writing, it's simply about his interest in WHAT he is writing at the moment.

I may have to have a talk with him about that.  I don't want him to burn out his writing engine on something that very likely won't go anywhere when it's finally produced.

[meg_evonne]

After work yesterday I got home and he was all wound up and ready to go to Borders for a few hours of writing.  I had been up since 4 that morning, working on my own novel before I had to be at work at 8.  I was beat.  Felt like I'd been mauled by Jesus or something.  But I agreed to go with him, even though I just wanted to sink into my bed and pass out.  I didn't want him to decide to stay home because I wasn't going. 

I'm not sure it is possible to 'help' a writer through this.  Your friend might see you writing away with normal 'writer's insanity' and possibly wish that he could do that as well?  The truth is--if he really wanted to write, he would have gone himself, forced by his own writing demon.  I'd pass on hugs and well wishes.  If he was really fired up then he would have been writing when you came home.

[blgarver]

I'm not sure it is possible to 'help' a writer through this.  Your friend might see you writing away with normal 'writer's insanity' and possibly wish that he could do that as well?  The truth is--if he really wanted to write, he would have gone himself, forced by his own writing demon.  I'd pass on hugs and well wishes.  If he was really fired up then he would have been writing when you came home.

I am inclined to agree with this.  But I remember a time when I let all kinds of things get in the way of my writing.  It has only been in the past few years that I've gotten anywhere near a serious attitude toward writing as a career.  I've always wanted to write, but growing up in Podunkville, Missouri I had no encouragement.  Zero.  Everyone thought it was neat that I liked to write and viewed it as a cute hobby.  Nobody respected it as something I might actually do as a living one day.  Nobody believed in me, nor did they give a crap what I was writing.

Even now I get crap for saying "No, I can't hang out tonight because I need to write."  Luckily my friends aren't high maintenance and I don't have to argue with them TOO much.  Plus they all have an interest in writing, so at least they respect what I'm trying to do. 

So, while I want to say "dude, seriously, do you want to write or don't you?" I can't help but think of the time when I had no input or support and wasn't writing anything.  Well, I still wrote some, but not to the extent I do now.  I want to give him that encouragement and support that I longed for 15 years ago.

[meg_evonne]

I've always wanted to write, but growing up in Podunkville, Missouri I had no encouragement.  Zero.  Everyone thought it was neat that I liked to write and viewed it as a cute hobby.  Nobody respected it as something I might actually do as a living one day.  Nobody believed in me, nor did they give a crap what I was writing.

I think it's a midwest trait---until you become well know. (((((((BLG))))))))

[Kris_W]

Actually, I live in the US Midwest and I don’t have any problem with people treating my writing as a job. I believe that is because I treat it as one.

• I’ve scheduled things around my writing time enough that my friends know not to call me or schedule things with me at set times. If they do interrupt me I explain that ‘I’m at work just now, I’ll get back to you in a couple hours.’
  
• I have set goals of scenes, word count and research to do and I track my progress. When people ask me how I’m doing I can reply coherently with concrete statistics.
  
• I track the industry. Occasionally business talk enters into casual conversations. When something important is going on in book industry news I keep up on the details.
  
• I ask for opinions from friends on their reading and book purchasing habits. I listen to them in a non-judgmental way. I respect them as favorite customers in much the same way my friend in banking treats discussions on economics or my friend with a clothing store discusses fashion and fabric issues.
  

I don’t know if any of this will help you gain deserved respect, but hey, it works for me.

[meg_evonne]

In my case, I was referring to rearing.  Writing was considered an odd way to keep busy.  Reading all hours day and night were also considered strange by my family.  Didn't hold me up, but writing was sort of pushing their comfort level.  My father was the first to get a college education and it wasn't until in college that I was 'taught' how to study effectively.  We were on our own a lot for everything else dealing with writing or in depth studying.  In fact the comfort level was pushed by being in a stage production :-).  Luckily there were two large family neighbors with parents employed in the university system.  Still, you don't go to your best friend's house and pull out a pad and pencil and start writing until 2 in the morning...  My best friend wanted to live in my family and I wanted to live in hers....  life, who knows huh?

Were you referring to now BLG or to your childhood years?