My Story Question

[MattScudder]

I'm working on my story skeleton as demonstrated on Jim's blog.  This is what I've got.  Does it look like I'm doing this right?

When a terrorist seeks a deadly magical artifact, former Paranormal-Ops agent, Craig Lockman, must keep the artifact from discovery while protecting the daughter he never knew he had.  But will he succeed when pitted against a traitorous ally and a vengeful extremist determined to unleash an army of dead souls on U.S. soil?

[Yarr]

Looks about right to me. Sets up the circumstances, introduces the central conflict.

If you'll forgive a polite suggestion, I wonder about the wisdom of your protagonist reacting to having a daughter in his life, as well as reacting to the terrorist's quest. If all he does is react to events (coming out of retirement, for example), he might seem as though he has no will of his own. Maybe he quit paranormal ops to open a dress shop, and he'll keep that going on the side while policing the supernatural.

Also, "terrorist" is kind of a broad word. Is this guy a Basque separatist? An IRA bomber? One of the sons of liberty?

Just my two cents. Let us know how it goes.

[Kris_W]

...  Does it look like I'm doing this right?

Looks like a fine start.

... must keep the artifact from discovery ...

You might want to look at this element with an eye towards how it works into the book's grand finale. How does the main character (and readers) know when this problem has been resolved? It's hard to make an action sequence out of making something not happen. If you already have ideas for dealing with the ending then you're good to go.

- Best of luck!

[MattScudder]

Thanks for your help, guys.  Much appreciated.   

[meg_evonne]

I get the terms messed up.  I'll have to revisit to get Jim's definition of story structure.  I guess I thought that was like the big curve on the huge poster board where you plot out story archs.  (smile)

Personally, I really like this part, "When a terrorist seeks a deadly magical artifact, former Paranormal-Ops agent, Craig Lockman, must keep the artifact from discovery while protecting the daughter he never knew he had."  If I read that on the book jacket, I'd pick it up to read a few pages inside to see if I wanted to buy it.  The 2nd part with the question seems to be some details that will unfold within the book?

Also, as to "must keep"...?? Must obtain it first? Must beat the bad guy to the location?  Or it's in his possession and he must protect it? 

As to the daughter?  I probably wouldn't pick it up without that little human story interest...

Also, I've read one agents blog that indicated if she saw a question in the query letter--she didn't read any further.  Sounds like the question to pull in the agent is maybe overdone these days....  :-)