That Stuff Around Dialogue...

[Tersa]

I have been pondering this as I write, and I wanted to see if any of the other writers on the board would care to toss a couple of opinions or some advice my way.

I adore writing dialogue, but I'm having some problems with the stuff around it, the little subtle actions that add to the dialogue so it isn't just "'[insert line here]' He/she/it said." over and over again. My question is how do you enhance the dialogue in third person writing without being wordy or resorting to using adverbs constantly?  Or is less more and I should really just let the dialogue speak for itself and just use "____ said," "____ replied," etc. most of the time?   

I eagerly await your thoughts, fellow writers! 

[Danielle/Evie]

I used to fear dialogue, but the more I write, the more I like it. :-)
I've found that it varies with the situation.
For example, if the dialogue is fast-paced and between two people, I'll start off with "she said, he said" then just go back and forth, like banter, letting it speak for itself...for examplee...
“Well…I’ve recently converted to Judaism.” Wendy explained.
    Adam reached over and patted Wendy’s knee reassuringly.
   Father said, “So?”
   “Father!” Adam scolded.
   “No, it’s alright,” Wendy wiggled in her seat and scrunched her lips, “The priest said-“
   “Rabbi,” Ronda corrected.
   “What?”
   “You mean rabbi, not priest.”
   “No. He’s the priest. And he said-“
   “You sure you’re practicing Judaism?”
   Wendy frowned.
My example was more at the end, but that's what I meant anyway. I didn't realize until I just read it again now, that I never said "said" once. Not that its bad to use- I just didn't in that segment
Sometimes I use actions, what the character is doing, rather then describing their speech.
             like...
             "Well, I think I..uh.." Fred felt his face heat, but resolved to just get it out, "I like you, all right! I LIKE YOU!"
            But I could have also said...."Well, I think I..uh.." Fred stuttered, his face heating to some darker shades of red.
             "Get on with it!" Vera said, waving her arms at him.
              Fred's eyes narrowed and he resolved to just spit it out, " I like you, all right! I LIKE YOU!"
              ect. ect...
sometimes, though, just saying "said" can make a scene that much more simple to read...always using super fancy words and directions can get confusing and take away from the dialogue..
I hope I helped a little!!!
-danielle
           

[Blitz]

sometimes, though, just saying "said" can make a scene that much more simple to read...always using super fancy words and directions can get confusing and take away from the dialogue..

Oh boy.  Yeah, that's one you want to watch out for.  In school, kids are told to stay away from "said", that it's a boring tag.  As a result, you get these horrible over-verbed fragments that keep distracting the reader from the actual dialogue and making them look at the fancy words.  Most people just read over the word "said" without noticing it anyway, registering it so well that it flows into the story.

That's not saying every second dialogue piece should use "said".  Rule of thumb I use is to use something different when the speaker is inflecting some kind of emotion into their speech.  Examples: murmured, snarled, sobbed, etc.

Another problem people have with dialogue is that they write too much.  Sometimes if you go back and cut out a couple of lines, the fragment reads smoother and more naturally, and the characters usually look like they're interacting better.

[Dom]

When I do dialogue, I write body language as well as words.  People don't just talk with their mouths to one another; each conversation has significant looks, smiles, frowns, funny faces, gestures, and other body movements.

Here's a short example from something of mine:

"Look at my feet."

   Dr. Ayas paused, then sat on the end of the bed and worked the wad of socks on my right foot off.  Then she looked at my exposed three-hooved foot quietly for a long moment, a line appearing between her brows as she contemplated.  "Is embarrassment worth your life?"

   "Embarrassment is a side effect," I said softly.  "I'm more concerned about the people who will beat me up because of it," I paused, making a point just by lying there in the condition I was in, "and the people who will kill me."

   Behind the doctor, my mother moved suddenly towards my computer, thunderclouds appearing on her face.  "Did you bring anything home from--"

"Mom."

   "Where's your ticket stub?"

   "Mom--"

   "Is this going to help heal your son?" Dr. Ayas interrupted.

   "If I could heal him--" my mother said, her voice rising in emotion.  She gestured at the doctor and me, explaining that she couldn't, without words.  "But I can make sure--"

   "Mom!"

   "Ms. Akelarre, out.  You're upsetting him.  Out!"

   My mother was visibly divided between her notions of revenge, and the effect her anger was having on me.

For many lines of dialogue, I have as much, if not more, body language going on.  The things they are doing, the expressions on their faces.  It helps fill in the gaps between spoken words, and if your character is fiddling with an object (say something significant to the plot), it also helps you ease from dialogue into narration and back again.

Of course, to do this, you have to learn how to make up these bodily conversations, so to speak.  I personally see scenes as a "movie" on my head, so all I have to do is write down the movements my characters make as they talk.  I know of other people who write who say they don't have movies in their heads, and I presume they do the little stuff around the dialogue in another way, but I don't know what that way is.

[Amber]

I'm going to have to go with Dom.  I use body language around my dialogue, more than "saids" and "replieds."  The only time I really use a "she ___" is if it's shouted, yelled, cried, etc.

I write the dialogue and then go back and add everything into it to fill out and build the scene.

[Tersa]

Thanks for all the advice.  It's a big help, especially the examples.  ^_^

Now, off to edit some of my stuff, using my new knowledge. 

[novium]

I think the problem with "said" is in writing it, not reading it. someone (stephen king?) said that "said" is good because you don't really see it when reading it, but you do understand then who is doing the talking. Sort of like quotation marks. You don't really see them. However, when writing them, I think it is more apparent that you've said said said said said about a gazillion times. I think the only thing to do is to grit your teeth and keep doing it. Within reason, obviously.

And I don't think you should alternate "said" with other words such as interrupted, added, finished, or whatever unless it is necessary.

Generally speak, I think if you can avoid things like:

"blahblahblah"she said, bashfully looking down, usw.

you will be better off.

or, if you get tired of "said", I guess you could get away with little actions:
"Don't you get tired of all that ranting?" she interupted.
He paused. "Well.... I guess so."

[fjeastman]

One of the things I do is just always use "said".  And then, in revision, decide where things break down BECAUSE of it.

In the process of writing, you see each word with crystal clarity in a frozen moment.  The fact that you've just used "Said" twelve times in a page and a half seems ... impossibly stilted.  For the reader, however, it really just rolls through.

For instance ... in the following sentence, count the "F"s.  Read and count them ONLY ONCE.  Don't try to go back. 

FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE-
SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTIF-
IC STUDY COMBINED WITH
THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS.

[terroja]

For the most part, you're better off going with 'he said/she said,' letting the context take care of the tone. You've find that often times everything that comes before a sentence will tell the reader how to read it. It's not neccessary to write

"I hate you all," he spat viciously.

Chances are that when such a sentence comes up in your writing, your readers will read the sentence just fine if you write

"I hate you all," he shouted/said.

Often times it's not neccessary to put a 'he said/she said' at all. Such as in the following example (ignore the occurences of my name--my screen name is the name of the character in the story).

"Aren't they pretty?" said Naomi.
 
"Aren't what pretty?" asked Terroja, cracking his neck without the assistance of his hands.
 
"The clouds."
 
Terroja shot a quick glance at the fluffy globs of perfect white floating lazily across the stark blue of Avalon's sky. "I don't see anything special about them," he said, returning his gaze downwards.
 
"There isn't, I guess."
 
"Isn't what?"
 
"Anything special about them," she said. "It's just that I haven't seen the sky in a long time."

[Cathy Clamp]

Actually, when I'm writing dialogue, I use movements INSTEAD of dialogue tags (he said/whispered/explained). In fact, I try never to use dialogue tags unless there are more than two people in the conversation. Once the people have been introduced, it's no longer necessary.  Here's an example from my latest (it's paranormal by the way--shapeshifters):

Cara lowered her voice to the lightest whisper and shook her head in amazement. “Y’know, Ranger Kerchee, that’s just weird how you do that magical persuasion thing. I didn’t even see you drive up, and I’m supposed to be the Alpha around here.”

He smiled brilliantly, softening his Comanche born Roman nose and high cheekbones. “Yeah, you’re the Alpha, but I’m a Wolven agent. We’re supposed to be able to sneak up on other Sazi. And if you’d stuck with the program instead of running off to the police academy, you could do that persuasion thing too.”

“People here would say you’re a bruja, you know, for the way you can make people see things that aren’t there. A witch.”

The humor dropped away from his face. He glared at her and crossed arms over his chest. The white hat couldn’t hide the darkness—the death—in that gaze.  “And people would say you’re She-Hulk.” Cara flushed and glanced at Brittany, only to find that she was frozen in place, mouth open as though to speak, unseeing of everything around her. Damn, he was good

His voice hissed into the darkness. “What in hell did you think you were doing, Sheriff Salinas? I could have your life for the way you’ve f**ked up this accident scene. You think nobody’s going to notice there are marks on the ground and on the roof that match up with that woman’s legs, or see your torn shirt and bark in your hair? You think your colleagues are stupid? Think they won’t ask questions—investigate? Maybe even question the girl or find your fingerprints . . . or finger dents on the SUV?”

Cara absently ran her fingers over the normally tight bun at the back of her neck to discover it was disheveled and did indeed have bits of bark littering it. She had no excuse, and she knew it. He was right. She’d overstepped her bounds—risked her entire pack, their entire kind in fact, with exposure. The Wolven agent had the right, and the authority, to take her life on the spot. It was their way. All she could manage was an embarrassed shrug. “She would have been a cripple, Will.”

“And you think she didn’t deserve that fate? She risked her own life, and her child’s, by not wearing seat belts. Have you measured the skid marks in front of that eight-pointer yet? She was doing at least ten over the limit. What gave you the right to change the future she brought on herself?”

She looked up then, met his eyes—accepted whatever fate he would give, and told him the reason, the one truth in her life. “To protect and serve.”

A sound emitted from him that shouldn’t be able to be produced by a human throat.  It was the angry, frustrated sound of an eagle, denied a dinner. He stalked away, leaving her unable to breathe for a moment. Was he really going to let it go? Would she live to see morning?

Not a single dialogue tag. I find them distracting when I read, so I seldom, if EVER use them. Just another technique to try! 

[terroja]

I like that technique. I might start using it myself.

[Brian Peace]

Actually, when I'm writing dialogue, I use movements INSTEAD of dialogue tags (he said/whispered/explained). In fact, I try never to use dialogue tags unless there are more than two people in the conversation. Once the people have been introduced, it's no longer necessary.  Here's an example from my latest (it's paranormal by the way--shapeshifters):

Yes, yes, yes, and once again... YES!

I have three rules when writing dialogue:

1. No adverbs: "...he said stiltingly."
2. Use "he said/she said" as much as possible in dialogue attribution
3. Try to use descriptive text surrounding the sentence in place of dialogue attribution as much as possible to bring the scene alive.

That last one, once you get used to the technique, is the most fun way to write dialogue.   

[Antimatter Girl]

Often times it's not neccessary to put a 'he said/she said' at all. Such as in the following example (ignore the occurences of my name--my screen name is the name of the character in the story).

"Aren't they pretty?" said Naomi.
 
"Aren't what pretty?" asked Terroja, cracking his neck without the assistance of his hands.

This is a nitpicky style thing, but usually, if you're going to attribute like you're doing here, you put the name first, said/asked/shouted second. It's an AP thing that I haven't really seen authors deviate from. That's just me, of course ^.^