Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do

[scurv]

This might be relevant at a later date, when Harry starts calling the Denarians boss (good ol' Satan/the Wicked One/the Old Serpent/the Prince of the Air/Azazel/the Devil/the Tempter/the Dragon/the Prince of Darkness/Lucifer) Louie
-I won't start singing Louie Louie when around Louie
a)Even it it makes Louie's face turn really red

[cornyphil]

I will no longer threaten people with my Hippogryph.... no matter how much i wish i had one.

I will no longer order Murphy a Kids Meal at Buger King... I still can't feel my toes

I will NEVER attempt to slap Mab's, Titiana's, Lily's or Lara's ass. Or any other female being powerful enough to squash me like a bug... or eat me... and Luccio will kill me
A) That goes double for Luccio... she's had several hundred years to practice her throwing techniques
B) Same for Murphy... i still can't feel my legs

Avada Kendvra is not a killing curse.

Ordering a bunch of Pizza and then sending the Za Guard after City Hall is just wrong... no matter how much they deserve it

[Kali]

I will stop referring to Denarius coins as "Armageddon gelt".

For the CoH fans:
Just because I have two swords now does not mean I am "a dual-swords scrapper".

[Spectacular Sameth]

I will not perform Necromancy just to reenact the Thriller music video.

[Homer]

Bob is not a Halloween decoration.
  he's not allowed to randomly yell Boo at Trick or treaters

[Darklost76]

I will not sing Blue Moon around the Alphas.
a) Nor shall I moon them in the process.
b) Even if it really is a blue moon.

I will not offer to give Luccio a sponge bath.
a) Even though I really want to.
b) Especially if she wants me to.
c) Unless she gives me one in return. [[Hey, I'm a man with needs!]]

I will not do any rendition of Papa Don't Preach in the presence of Father Forthill.
a) Or Michael.
b) And definitely not with Charity within listening range.

I will not compliment Charity on her great legs.
a) Nor will I suggest the similarities between her and Molly after said compliment.

[Blaze]

I am not allowed to sell my autobiography to the Sci-Fi channel
-no matter how much they pay me
-even if I tell them that Murphy is Hispanic

Introducing Cesar Milan to Mouse was just a bad idea
-likewise Billy
 (I should have guessed that they'd gang up on me.)

Singing "Ease on Down" when entering to the presence of the Merlin is inappropriate
-so is calling Morgan "Tin Man"
-even if I wear one glove.

[Torvaldr]

I will stop sending Murphy copies of the pictures of her under cover at the Playboy Mansion, and burn the negatives.
     a. Someday

I will never use the phrase, "I've got a bad feeling about this." I am too tall to do a convincing Harrison Ford.

I will stop telling people, "I learned it from Mr. Wizard."
   a. No one who can watch TV is old enough to get the joke.
   b. Besides, it's true. Sort of.

I will never use the phrase, "Excuse me while I whip this out." when pulling my blasting rod from my duster.

I will not sing Winter Wonderland while traveling in the Nevernever.
   a. Or Frosty the Snowman (Who knows what might show up?)

[molten_dragon]

I will not use the Swords of the Cross as portable light sources if the candles in my apartment burn out.

I will not offer Fidelacchius to the chef at the japanese steakhouse.  Just because he can do tricks with a ginsu knife and is asian does not make him a suitable candidate.

The fact that I am carrying Amoracchius does not permit me to make jokes about my "love sword"

I will not repeatedly inquire about Sanya's health every time I see him just to freak him out
 -- If I do so, I will not use the explanation that I'm trying to complete my hat trick

[The Corvidian]

The next time Murphy, Thomas, and I are working together, I will not mention that all we need is a Cowardly Lion to make the set complete.

[Murphy's Stunt Double]

* and I will not invite Butters along at that point as an afterthought.

[Thrasher]

I will not ask Dominoes if they deliver to the Nevernever
- Papa John's maybe

I will not loan Mouse to Michael VIck
-no matter how much money I'd make
-Billy either

I will not take Ramirez to Executive Priority Health with me next time I go.
-... without charging him a nominal fee.

I will not use Fuego to go fishing in Lake Michigan since they outlawed dynamite.

I will not rename the Blue Beetle to Herbie
- or Mach 5
- or Kit ... even if Bob provides the voice

I will stop insisting that D&D classes exist in the real world.
- and stop calling Michael a paladin
- ... and murphy a halfling
- and Robert Plant wasn't a Bard, so I'm not justified singing Led Zeppelin songs in battle to strengthen my party members

I will stop referring to Ramirez as Inigo Montoya.
- And Hendricks as Fezik
- And Muprhy smacked me when I last called her Buttercup.

No matter how I start dressing, I'm not Batman and Thomas is not my boy wonder.

I will not buy Billy a chew toy for his birthday.
-It was bad enough as a wedding present

[Noey]

I will no longer use Bob as an incense burner.
- Even if it does keep him quiet and the basement smelling better.

[Thrasher]

I will not preface sex by saying "I put on my robe and wizard hat".

[Quantus]

I will not preface sex by saying "I put on my robe and wizard hat".

LOL!  now there's a classic reference