Things Harry Dresden Is No Longer Allowed to Do

[tabonga]

-I will no longer refer to Mab's kingdom as her "winter wonderland"
a) but I can still sing the song when I am there...

-I will stop trying to use the pickup line "hey, I'm a magician"
a.1) its just plain creepy
a.2) everyone knows chicks dig mimes better, anyways...
b) the extra income from parties help, but the kids keep getiing cake stuck in my robes...

-I will stop making fun of stupid looking barn animals... they might have family...

-I will refrain from telling people that I "know" magic at conventions from now on
a) if I have to tell another kid that I don't actually have a Mox emerald again, I'm gonna scream...
b) i hate getting into philosophical discussions as to whether timewalk and timetwister would actually constitute a violation of the laws of magic or not...

[tabonga]

I will no longer use Dungeons and Dragons sourcebooks as inspiration for spells and items...
a) For God's sakes, man, I am a real wizard... and I don't think the coast includes Chicago

[Kali]

I will no longer refer to Mouse and Bob as "a real dog and bony show".

I am no longer permitted to stand next to Morgan while he attempts to drink from a water fountain.
a: or while he tries to make microwave popcorn
b: or at all

I will no longer refer to Thomas as "The Winter Queen"
a: Especially while he's cutting my hair

I will stop asking Ancient Mai if she remembers Thousand-Year-Old Eggs when they were just laid.
a: and I certainly won't imply that she's the one who laid them.

[tabonga]

- I will stop telling jokes where "ancient, mai ass" is the punchline...

[JRBobC]

I will stop using I.C. Weiner at 69 W. Anal Str. as my return address on official White Council Communiques.

I will not tell the Merlin that my favorite radio station is 99.9 KMA Fm.

[Bookboym]

Wal-mart may be a great place for the thrifty wizard but I should realize people will stare at you if you buy large amounts of salt, play-do, markers, rope, chalk, dogfood, pirate items, and lots of romance books at the same time.People seem to be wierded out by that.
* Molly may buy this for me instead, part of her greater teaching.

[Shecky]

- I will not flood Wizards of the Coast with extensive errata for the Spell Compendium and Monster Manual.

- I will never try the pity approach with Luccio again by saying, "Y'know, Bob is the closest thing in years I've had to getting a little head."

- Any time the Alphas come by my place, I will not set out Milk-Bones as hors-d'œuvres, nor will I tell them, "Help yourselves to the toilet," when they ask for something to drink.

- Calling Cowl "Dork Vader" would be a waste of perfectly good snark.

- I will never, ever again tell guests to get out when Luccio drops in by saying, "Fly, you fools!"

- "Rectocranium" is NOT an acceptable honorific for the Senior Council.

- I will not punish Murphy for talking computer jargon by taking a close look at her computer.

- As much as it never gets old, I will not address Charity and Michael as "Velma and Fred" while calling Mouse "Scoob".
  a. And painting their family van with "Mystery Machine" simply does not go with the "53" on the Blue Beetle.

[Soulless Mystic5523]

I will no longer allow Thomas to use my apartment for his "magic carpet rides"...
a) even though there is some magic going on
b) even though he had the carpet dry-cleaned the last time

I will not offer to take Luccio or Murphy back to my place for a Magic Carpet ride.
a) Even if Bob offers to teach me how to make the carpet fly.
b) No matter ho well it might work.

I will not talk about getting tag teamed by the Billy Goats Gruff in public.
a) People look at you funny.
b) It gives people the wrong idea about wizards and why they wear robes.
c) again

[JRBobC]

I will not emulate Kevin Sorbo and ask women, "Have you seen my 'Staff'?". 

[tabonga]

-Now that there is a woman in my life again, I will never ever clean my gun in the living room...
a) unless she is out of town
b) or at least in the other room...

[Priscellie]

Remember to tag your SmF spoilers, folks!

[JRBobC]

The next time I fight Chimpanzee Demons I will not break into a rousing chorus of "I love the Species that Flings its own Feces" sung to "I overlooked a four leaf clover that I'd overlooked before" curtisy of Bugs Bunny.

[nanuq]

-I must stop referring to Charity as Michael's Babymama
   (at least not when she can overhear)
-I must stop sending Botox ads to Ancient Mai
-I must stop trying to switch Toot Toot and the rest of the Guard to a low-carb diet
-I must not let Mouse run loose outside where he might end up eating a dogcatcher
   (again)

[Tempus Corvus]

-I will not refer to Ozzy Osbourne as "The True Prince of Darkness". I don't know if any Denarians are in town, but it's best to just play it safe.
-a.) This also applies to Gannondorf.

-I will not tell Cowl to "fall back into the nothingness that awaits you and your master". If he replaced his head with a crown floating above a flame, I don't want to know.

-I am not allowed to ask Ivy for the winning lottery number.

-Songs that should not be sung, hummed, whistled, etc. around certain people.
--"Sympathy for the Devil" around any Denarians.
--Ditto for "Highway to Hell", "Hell's Bells", "Hell Ain't A Bad Place To Be" (AC/DC), or "Friend of the Devil".
--"Phantom Lord" is off limits around the Erlking.
--"Of Wolf and Man" and "Werewolves of London" around Billy and the Alphas.
--"Killer Queen" around Mab.
--The Merlin is not allowed to hear "The Trial", or to read the illustrated screenplay of The Wall.
--"Pretty Fly For a White Guy" is a no-no around Thomas
--I will NEVER let Uriel read the lyrics of, or listen to, "Creeping Death".

-I will not attach Bob's skull to a headless skeleton.
-a.)No matter how awesome a Halloween prop it is
-b.)If I do, I will not let him have a black robe and a scythe. EVER.

[Lady Knight Ignus]

I am not to call Luccio “Captain Hotstuff” in front of the trainees!

Neither am I allowed to refer to Luccio as "Captain Tightpants" in front of the trainees.