McAnally's (The Community Pub) > Author Craft

That Stuff Around Dialogue...

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Tersa:
Thanks for all the advice.  It's a big help, especially the examples.  ^_^

Now, off to edit some of my stuff, using my new knowledge.  ;D

novium:
I think the problem with "said" is in writing it, not reading it. someone (stephen king?) said that "said" is good because you don't really see it when reading it, but you do understand then who is doing the talking. Sort of like quotation marks. You don't really see them. However, when writing them, I think it is more apparent that you've said said said said said about a gazillion times. I think the only thing to do is to grit your teeth and keep doing it. Within reason, obviously.

And I don't think you should alternate "said" with other words such as interrupted, added, finished, or whatever unless it is necessary.

Generally speak, I think if you can avoid things like:

"blahblahblah"she said, bashfully looking down, usw.

you will be better off.

or, if you get tired of "said", I guess you could get away with little actions:
"Don't you get tired of all that ranting?" she interupted.
He paused. "Well.... I guess so."

fjeastman:

One of the things I do is just always use "said".  And then, in revision, decide where things break down BECAUSE of it.

In the process of writing, you see each word with crystal clarity in a frozen moment.  The fact that you've just used "Said" twelve times in a page and a half seems ... impossibly stilted.  For the reader, however, it really just rolls through.

For instance ... in the following sentence, count the "F"s.  Read and count them ONLY ONCE.  Don't try to go back. 

FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE-
SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTIF-
IC STUDY COMBINED WITH
THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS.

terroja:
For the most part, you're better off going with 'he said/she said,' letting the context take care of the tone. You've find that often times everything that comes before a sentence will tell the reader how to read it. It's not neccessary to write

"I hate you all," he spat viciously.

Chances are that when such a sentence comes up in your writing, your readers will read the sentence just fine if you write

"I hate you all," he shouted/said.

Often times it's not neccessary to put a 'he said/she said' at all. Such as in the following example (ignore the occurences of my name--my screen name is the name of the character in the story).

"Aren't they pretty?" said Naomi.
 
"Aren't what pretty?" asked Terroja, cracking his neck without the assistance of his hands.
 
"The clouds."
 
Terroja shot a quick glance at the fluffy globs of perfect white floating lazily across the stark blue of Avalon's sky. "I don't see anything special about them," he said, returning his gaze downwards.
 
"There isn't, I guess."
 
"Isn't what?"
 
"Anything special about them," she said. "It's just that I haven't seen the sky in a long time."

Cathy Clamp:
Actually, when I'm writing dialogue, I use movements INSTEAD of dialogue tags (he said/whispered/explained). In fact, I try never to use dialogue tags unless there are more than two people in the conversation. Once the people have been introduced, it's no longer necessary.  Here's an example from my latest (it's paranormal by the way--shapeshifters):


--- Quote ---Cara lowered her voice to the lightest whisper and shook her head in amazement. “Y’know, Ranger Kerchee, that’s just weird how you do that magical persuasion thing. I didn’t even see you drive up, and I’m supposed to be the Alpha around here.”

He smiled brilliantly, softening his Comanche born Roman nose and high cheekbones. “Yeah, you’re the Alpha, but I’m a Wolven agent. We’re supposed to be able to sneak up on other Sazi. And if you’d stuck with the program instead of running off to the police academy, you could do that persuasion thing too.”

“People here would say you’re a bruja, you know, for the way you can make people see things that aren’t there. A witch.”

The humor dropped away from his face. He glared at her and crossed arms over his chest. The white hat couldn’t hide the darkness—the death—in that gaze.  “And people would say you’re She-Hulk.” Cara flushed and glanced at Brittany, only to find that she was frozen in place, mouth open as though to speak, unseeing of everything around her. Damn, he was good

His voice hissed into the darkness. “What in hell did you think you were doing, Sheriff Salinas? I could have your life for the way you’ve f**ked up this accident scene. You think nobody’s going to notice there are marks on the ground and on the roof that match up with that woman’s legs, or see your torn shirt and bark in your hair? You think your colleagues are stupid? Think they won’t ask questions—investigate? Maybe even question the girl or find your fingerprints . . . or finger dents on the SUV?”

Cara absently ran her fingers over the normally tight bun at the back of her neck to discover it was disheveled and did indeed have bits of bark littering it. She had no excuse, and she knew it. He was right. She’d overstepped her bounds—risked her entire pack, their entire kind in fact, with exposure. The Wolven agent had the right, and the authority, to take her life on the spot. It was their way. All she could manage was an embarrassed shrug. “She would have been a cripple, Will.”

“And you think she didn’t deserve that fate? She risked her own life, and her child’s, by not wearing seat belts. Have you measured the skid marks in front of that eight-pointer yet? She was doing at least ten over the limit. What gave you the right to change the future she brought on herself?”

She looked up then, met his eyes—accepted whatever fate he would give, and told him the reason, the one truth in her life. “To protect and serve.”

A sound emitted from him that shouldn’t be able to be produced by a human throat.  It was the angry, frustrated sound of an eagle, denied a dinner. He stalked away, leaving her unable to breathe for a moment. Was he really going to let it go? Would she live to see morning?
--- End quote ---

Not a single dialogue tag. I find them distracting when I read, so I seldom, if EVER use them. Just another technique to try!  ;D

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