McAnally's (The Community Pub) > Author Craft
That Stuff Around Dialogue...
Tersa:
I have been pondering this as I write, and I wanted to see if any of the other writers on the board would care to toss a couple of opinions or some advice my way.
I adore writing dialogue, but I'm having some problems with the stuff around it, the little subtle actions that add to the dialogue so it isn't just "'[insert line here]' He/she/it said." over and over again. My question is how do you enhance the dialogue in third person writing without being wordy or resorting to using adverbs constantly? Or is less more and I should really just let the dialogue speak for itself and just use "____ said," "____ replied," etc. most of the time?
I eagerly await your thoughts, fellow writers! ;D
Danielle/Evie:
I used to fear dialogue, but the more I write, the more I like it. :-)
I've found that it varies with the situation.
For example, if the dialogue is fast-paced and between two people, I'll start off with "she said, he said" then just go back and forth, like banter, letting it speak for itself...for examplee...
“Well…I’ve recently converted to Judaism.” Wendy explained.
Adam reached over and patted Wendy’s knee reassuringly.
Father said, “So?”
“Father!” Adam scolded.
“No, it’s alright,” Wendy wiggled in her seat and scrunched her lips, “The priest said-“
“Rabbi,” Ronda corrected.
“What?”
“You mean rabbi, not priest.”
“No. He’s the priest. And he said-“
“You sure you’re practicing Judaism?”
Wendy frowned.
My example was more at the end, but that's what I meant anyway. I didn't realize until I just read it again now, that I never said "said" once. Not that its bad to use- I just didn't in that segment
Sometimes I use actions, what the character is doing, rather then describing their speech.
like...
"Well, I think I..uh.." Fred felt his face heat, but resolved to just get it out, "I like you, all right! I LIKE YOU!"
But I could have also said...."Well, I think I..uh.." Fred stuttered, his face heating to some darker shades of red.
"Get on with it!" Vera said, waving her arms at him.
Fred's eyes narrowed and he resolved to just spit it out, " I like you, all right! I LIKE YOU!"
ect. ect...
sometimes, though, just saying "said" can make a scene that much more simple to read...always using super fancy words and directions can get confusing and take away from the dialogue..
I hope I helped a little!!!
-danielle
Blitz:
--- Quote from: DannyJD on July 27, 2006, 11:22:15 PM ---sometimes, though, just saying "said" can make a scene that much more simple to read...always using super fancy words and directions can get confusing and take away from the dialogue..
--- End quote ---
Oh boy. Yeah, that's one you want to watch out for. In school, kids are told to stay away from "said", that it's a boring tag. As a result, you get these horrible over-verbed fragments that keep distracting the reader from the actual dialogue and making them look at the fancy words. Most people just read over the word "said" without noticing it anyway, registering it so well that it flows into the story.
That's not saying every second dialogue piece should use "said". Rule of thumb I use is to use something different when the speaker is inflecting some kind of emotion into their speech. Examples: murmured, snarled, sobbed, etc.
Another problem people have with dialogue is that they write too much. Sometimes if you go back and cut out a couple of lines, the fragment reads smoother and more naturally, and the characters usually look like they're interacting better.
Dom:
When I do dialogue, I write body language as well as words. People don't just talk with their mouths to one another; each conversation has significant looks, smiles, frowns, funny faces, gestures, and other body movements.
Here's a short example from something of mine:
--- Quote ---"Look at my feet."
Dr. Ayas paused, then sat on the end of the bed and worked the wad of socks on my right foot off. Then she looked at my exposed three-hooved foot quietly for a long moment, a line appearing between her brows as she contemplated. "Is embarrassment worth your life?"
"Embarrassment is a side effect," I said softly. "I'm more concerned about the people who will beat me up because of it," I paused, making a point just by lying there in the condition I was in, "and the people who will kill me."
Behind the doctor, my mother moved suddenly towards my computer, thunderclouds appearing on her face. "Did you bring anything home from--"
"Mom."
"Where's your ticket stub?"
"Mom--"
"Is this going to help heal your son?" Dr. Ayas interrupted.
"If I could heal him--" my mother said, her voice rising in emotion. She gestured at the doctor and me, explaining that she couldn't, without words. "But I can make sure--"
"Mom!"
"Ms. Akelarre, out. You're upsetting him. Out!"
My mother was visibly divided between her notions of revenge, and the effect her anger was having on me.
--- End quote ---
For many lines of dialogue, I have as much, if not more, body language going on. The things they are doing, the expressions on their faces. It helps fill in the gaps between spoken words, and if your character is fiddling with an object (say something significant to the plot), it also helps you ease from dialogue into narration and back again.
Of course, to do this, you have to learn how to make up these bodily conversations, so to speak. I personally see scenes as a "movie" on my head, so all I have to do is write down the movements my characters make as they talk. I know of other people who write who say they don't have movies in their heads, and I presume they do the little stuff around the dialogue in another way, but I don't know what that way is.
Amber:
I'm going to have to go with Dom. I use body language around my dialogue, more than "saids" and "replieds." The only time I really use a "she ___" is if it's shouted, yelled, cried, etc.
I write the dialogue and then go back and add everything into it to fill out and build the scene.
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