Writer's Peeves

[blgarver]

There's that question that we all hate that is probably number one on this list - "What is your novel about?" - but something just triggered me to add something else to the list, and I thought it might be interesting to compile a list of things that irk writers across the boards.

Here's one of mine:

When someone asks "How many pages will be in your novel?"

GRRRRR!

Feel free to add!

[meg_evonne]

Why does the question irk you?   

[SunPhoenix]

A counter question I have to that is how big of the book is it designated for? Font size? Space or no space between Lines?

[redneckwitch18]

"What genre is your story in?" People! It's not finished! When it's finished (final draft and everything) I'll tell you. Quit asking questions that I don't know.

"Does it have sex/romance in it?" Are we in high school folks? (well actually i am but thats not the point) this is not hollywood or the OC or the playboy mansion!!!

[Craz]

Mine: People who peek over your shoulder onto your labtop.

"So, um," The idiot says, peering at my screen with curious intent. "What's a [insert random phrase that just happens to be on that page]?"

And, hey, my first post. Woot.

[blgarver]

Why does the question irk you?   

Well, I'm not sure.  I guess because it's an unanswerable question, from my end.  I mean, they may as well ask "How many hours will it take you to write your book?" or "When will your book be published?"

People ask that one sometimes too.  "When will your book be published?"  To which I can only respond, "Probably never."

And then the conversation inevitably moves on to why I'm wasting my time if I'll probably never make money on it. 

Damn people.

I also think it irks me because I have to answer "How many pages" and the other common ones so many times.  I'm just tired of having to repeat myself.

I'm not much of a people person, if you couldn't tell.

[meg_evonne]

  to your responses BL and welcome Craz...

Ahh, just make it up.  You don't want someone like that to read your stuff anyway, right?

If you really want to answer for your own interest, figure 300 words per page OR check out your outline, if you are half way through then double your word count from that tool etc.  In a class I was told that you should shoot for 90,000 words for novel or 300 pages. remember though that novels have their own lives and their own time frame to be completed.

As to why would you write what might never be published?  They don't understand the overwhelming odds against you.  They don't need to know.  Just smile and say wouldn't that be great!

Honestly I've written over 35 years plus and I don't tell anyone I write.  Heck I didn't let anyone read my stuff until one year ago, when Jim Butcher's journal got me interested in improving my craft.  Check it out, some really great stuff in there! I write because I am driven to do so and a lot of people don't understand that need.  Which is why this is such a NEAT place to be involved.  I mean, once in awhile a real published author, may also reply to your question.  Now that is cool.  They understand why you do it and understand your frustrations. 

I will look forward to reading your work sometime! 

[the neurovore of Zur-En-Aargh]

As to why would you write what might never be published? 

"So that the voices in my head will shut up and let me sleep" works rather well as an answer to this.

[the neurovore of Zur-En-Aargh]

"What genre is your story in?" People! It's not finished! When it's finished (final draft and everything) I'll tell you. Quit asking questions that I don't know.

That's one I'm usually pretty clear on at the beginning, actually; I'd be very surprised if a high fantasy project turned into space opera part way through, or vice versa.

"Does it have sex/romance in it?" Are we in high school folks? (well actually i am but thats not the point) this is not hollywood or the OC or the playboy mansion!!!

Anybody who knows me at all well knows that romance hasn't a hope in heck of appearing in a book of mine, but nice friendly sex might well show up, in addition to sex that's a Necessary Plot Element.

[blgarver]

I wish sex was a necessary plot element in the story of my life...

I don't think I've ever written a sex scene.  I'm pretty paranoid about those, because they always come out sounding all cheesy and soap-opera-ish.  None of my stories really call for a sex scene, anyway, so I guess I don't have to worry about it.

I think the "What's your story about" question puts a stitch in my craw because I don't think the layperson distinguishes "what happens" from "what's your story about."  Or, in other words, "plot" from "story/theme." 

It's a fine line that is kind of difficult to navigate when put on the spot.

 

[Shecky]

Proper answers to these questions:

Q: How many pages will your book be?
A: Just enough to fit between the covers.

Q: No, really, how long will it be?
A: All the way from the beginning to the end.

Q: GRR. Okay then, when will you be done?
A: That's easy! After I've finished all the writing!

Q: FINE. Why are you wasting all this time writing it?
A: Altruism.

Q: Uhh... what?
A: Altruism. I'm doing it for YOU so that you'd have SOMETHING to ask about when you got nosy.


Utterly off-topic: how many people think there should be a loophole in the violent-crimes laws for you when people insist on talking to you when you're sitting/standing there obviously enjoying reading?

[the neurovore of Zur-En-Aargh]

I wish sex was a necessary plot element in the story of my life...

Probably not the way I write it.

Or rather, when I think of sex as Necessary Plot Element, I think something like the following [ example from one of my WiPs. ]

Character A is a charismatic leader, somewhere between a political and a cult situation.  Character B, our protagonist and viewpoint character, is a member of character A's group.  Character B is loyal to this group on the grounds of shared ideals.  Something happens that leads character A to misguidedly doubt character B's commitment. Character A sets circumstances up to end up in bed with character B on the grounds that this has previously worked to shore up personal attachment to character A's cause.  Character B, while appreciating the interaction, feels somewhat disrespected, as character B's loyalty to the ideals of the organisation has never in fact been in doubt; this starts the process of disillusioning character B from that organisation.

That particular dynamic needs the sex scene in to work at the right levels.  Whereas an entirely different bunch of characters in a different story who are running around together, figuring out the plot and staying ahead of the villains, might be having lots of nice friendly sex for purposes of mutual comfort, enjoyment and keeping their spirits up, but that's not to my mind something that needs to be onstage, they could equally well be playing Scrabble for the desired result on the story.  [ Though probably collaborating to get cool words and/or high-scores rather than being competitively cut-throat. ]

I don't think I've ever written a sex scene.  I'm pretty paranoid about those, because they always come out sounding all cheesy and soap-opera-ish.  None of my stories really call for a sex scene, anyway, so I guess I don't have to worry about it.

They are distinctly difficult in the matter of vocabulary alone; if one doesn't want to be crude or clinical, or use indirect metaphors which can all too easily come out like tacky porn cliches, every sentence is a headache.

I think the "What's your story about" question puts a stitch in my craw because I don't think the layperson distinguishes "what happens" from "what's your story about."  Or, in other words, "plot" from "story/theme." 

Knowing what the theme of a story is before I finish it is another one of those things I don't really do.

[meg_evonne]

On the other hand, if you really want to have a riot with fellow writer's assign each other a sex scene, improbable or not and then have lots of beer on hands for the official reading.  Actually you can get pretty good at it, if you have the right attitude heading in.  As neurovore writes--if it fits into the story and furthers the plot, it's a lot easier because you come into it with the characters already clarified and you know how they will react.  Sex tells a h*** of a lot about a character and their motivations.

edited bcause I wanted to tell Shecky that I loved your responses and on your off topic subject, I agree 200%!!!

[SunPhoenix]

People ask that one sometimes too.  "When will your book be published?"  To which I can only respond, "Probably never."

And then the conversation inevitably moves on to why I'm wasting my time if I'll probably never make money on it. 

Damn people.

I also think it irks me because I have to answer "How many pages" and the other common ones so many times.  I'm just tired of having to repeat myself.

I'm not much of a people person, if you couldn't tell.

I always think its funny when people ask why do something when theres no point to it when most likely most of what people do for fun makes no profit in the long run.

[blgarver]

I always think its funny when people ask why do something when theres no point to it when most likely most of what people do for fun makes no profit in the long run.

Exactly.  People piss me off.