Shall I Compare Thee To A Mooseburger aka The Bad Poetry Thread

[Ms Duck]

alas, alas, if only to be a winner
in war of love gots to be thinner
no man cries
for huge thighs
i want 'pin her' not 'oooh dinner'

 

[Blaze]

It is not your thighs
It is not your size
Many slender friends
Utter the same sighs.

It is your brilliant mind
Men just seem to find
Most intimidating the
Intellectually left behind.

[Piotr1600]

An Horrible* Poem-ish to a love-frustrated Ms. Duck


To the ones who would say your thighs are too big,
don't reply with a furious "Fuck off, dick like a twig!"
Whip out your spyglass and take a look around
Are you sure you're in a good hunting ground?
There certainly are men aplenty - I bet I know twenty!
who like some meat on them bones - they do not prefer skinny!
but you must also need reciprocate
And accept perhaps, a flaw like a bald pate
Or at least not cause hypocritical issues
if he too has excess adipose tissues

An example I'll give you from my own life
the son of a previous marriage from my wife
He's a genuinely clever, good souled sort
respectful and caring and (very nearly!) pure of heart
So shy - the embarrassment & fear of rejection often preys
deeply on his mind when he considers how much he weighs
So sits he at home, by default living the life of a geek
but his non-stellar looks hide a true man underneath
So, you kind ladies are unduly worried of being alone
I say "Cast your nets further, errr... turn over a different stone!"

Besides if guys are such dummies as it often seems...
Have you considered possibly switching teams?   




*because I suck at writing any/all poetry. About the best I've ever managed is "mildly humorous"! 

[Ms Duck]

(mwaaa and hugs to you both)

tried it once, i must confess
a little game of lesbian chess
lubed all in hot grease
but now is lost a piece
is that a bishop under your dress?

[Blaze]

Boobs have I, and to spare,
So I have no interest there
In any sort of orbule pair.
So those leanings were never there.
Which should come as no big shocker
From a door with Frankensteinian knocker.

And I also have a curse
of loyalty, couldn't be worse.
One man I'll have until my herse.
In this whole wide universe.
My sons would not have come along
If I hadn't danced to their father's song.

Square, I guess, is what I seem
No racy flirting do I deem
Nor any need to scheme
As just one sight can make me gleam.
And though in this I may seem tame.
My ardor burns with blue-white flame.

I sought the sight of that inside
Where candles under bushels hide
And found a love in whom my pride
No living being can deride.
I am so happy with what I've got.
Plus I find him still quite hot.

Other say don't ask don't tell
On their preference I don't dwell.
If both are happy, I think it's swell.
Great sex isn't why you go to hell.

[Ms Duck]

and just cause im unoriginal...my two from other threads today..

"for certain i cry with ducky blaise
i start to scry with my magic gaze
ring the bells, light the candle
for it tells, pull the handle
watch 'amaze , as Duck conjours Blaze!!"

"alas, alas, my dear lord's buns
hurt, they hurt, too much funs
you dirty hairy ape
turned em to grape
next time i sees you, runs "

[Blaze]

It makes me want to curse and spit,
that a man can stand and hit
another with a rattan yard
and think it's fun to hit him hard.

And yet, the same male folk
get a boo-boo and whine and choke
and if a splinter they should take
can wake the dead with the fuss they make.

[Blaze]

Thunder thighs.  Hips and Rolls.
Love handles at the Bikini atolls.

Wrinkles here  and age spots there
No sign of  perfection anywhere...

Too tall to short, too thin too stout
How does anyone figure it out?

It's not that outside shell's amount
Take in the soul for full account.

And judge not by a credit score
Is he too rich or she too poor?

Is her wardrobe just a mess?
Did he dress for his success?

Can we as a culture be
So biased by what we see

With our eyes and not our hearts?
Look to the sum, and not the parts!

Look at the person who is inside
The transient trappings of the hide.

Look at the spirit and the mind
If happiness you seek to find.

Who cares if Duck's butt's painted blue?
If in her breast her heart beats true!

Who cares if this ones thick or stout
If his hand is always helping out?

If love's true nature is your prize
Than get off the wagon seeking size

If long term loyalty you seek
Worry less for what is sleek.

Get off the page where skinny reigns
If you want someone who has brains.

See with better eyes than those
who measure merit by the clothes.

[KarlTenBrew]

It makes me want to curse and spit,
that a man can stand and hit
another with a rattan yard
and think it's fun to hit him hard.

And yet, the same male folk
get a boo-boo and whine and choke
and if a splinter they should take
can wake the dead with the fuss they make.

To think that men extol the manly
only to turn out quite pansy
hit for hit is turnabout
yet oh so many choose to pout
instead of thinking to fight fair
they bitch for being inferior
seems they forgot the cardinal rule
when stricken do not be a tool!

[Ms Duck]

I must lighten this thread
but lacking inspiration
searching the web
with all perspiration
what weird al said
shall be my salvation

"It's All About The Pentiums"

It's all about the Pentiums, baby
Uhh, uh-huh, yeah
Uhh, uh-huh, yeah
It's all about the Pentiums, baby
It's all about the Pentiums, baby
It's all about the Pentiums! (It's all about the Pentiums, baby)
It's all about the Pentiums! (It's all about the Pentiums, baby)
Yeah

What y'all wanna do?
Wanna be hackers? Code crackers? Slackers
Wastin' time with all the chatroom yakkers?
9 to 5, chillin' at Hewlett Packard?
Workin' at a desk with a dumb little placard?
Yeah, payin' the bills with my mad programming skills
Defraggin' my hard drive for thrills
I got me a hundred gigabytes of RAM
I never feed trolls and I don't read spam
Installed a T1 line in my house
Always at my PC, double-clickin' on my mizouse
Upgrade my system at least twice a day
I'm strictly plug-and-play, I ain't afraid of Y2K
I'm down with Bill Gates, I call him "Money" for short
I phone him up at home and I make him do my tech support
It's all about the Pentiums, what?
You've gotta be the dumbest newbie I've ever seen
You've got white-out all over your screen
You think your Commodore 64 is really neato
What kinda chip you got in there, a Dorito?
You're usin' a 286? Don't make me laugh
Your Windows boots up in what, a day and a half?
You could back up your whole hard drive on a floppy diskette
You're the biggest joke on the Internet
Your database is a disaster
You're waxin' your modem, tryin' to make it go faster
Hey fella, I bet you're still livin' in your parents' cellar
Downloadin' pictures of Sarah Michelle Gellar
And postin' "Me too!" like some brain-dead AOL-er
I should do the world a favor and cap you like Old Yeller
You're just about as useless as jpegs to Hellen Keller

It's all about the Pentiums! (It's all about the Pentiums, baby)
It's all about the Pentiums! (It's all about the Pentiums, baby)
It's all about the Pentiums! (It's all about the Pentiums, baby)
It's all about the Pentiums! (It's all about the Pentiums, baby)

Now, what y'all wanna do?
Wanna be hackers? Code crackers? Slackers
Wastin' time with all the chatroom yakkers?
9 to 5, chillin' at Hewlett Packard?

Uh, uh, loggin' in now
Wanna run wit my crew, hah?
Rule cyberspace and crunch numbers like I do?
They call me the king of the spreadsheets
Got 'em printed out on my bedsheets
My new computer's got the clocks, it rocks
But it was obsolete before I opened the box
You say you've had your desktop for over a week?
Throw that junk away, man, it's an antique
Your laptop is a month old? Well that's great
If you could use a nice, heavy paperweight
My digital media is write-protected
Every file inspected, no viruses detected
I beta tested every operation system
Gave props to some, and others? I dissed 'em
While your computer's crashin', mine's multitaskin'
It does all my work without me even askin'
Got a flat-screen monitor forty inches wide wide
I believe that your says "Etch-A-Sketch" on the side
In a 32-bit world, you're a 2-bit user
You've got your own newsgroup, "alt.total-loser"
Your motherboard melts when you try to send a fax
Where'd you get your CPU, in a box of Cracker Jacks?
Play me online? Well, you know that I'll beat you
If I ever meet you I'll control-alt-delete you
What? What? What? What? What?

It's all about the Pentiums! (It's all about the Pentiums, baby)
It's all about the Pentiums! (It's all about the Pentiums, baby)
It's all about the Pentiums! (It's all about the Pentiums, baby)
It's all about the Pentiums! (It's all about the Pentiums, baby)
Now, what y'all wanna do?
Wanna be hackers? Code crackers? Slackers
Wastin' time with all the chatroom yakkers?
9 to 5, chillin' at Hewlett Packard?
What??

[j3nnee]

is sort of ticked
that she was tricked
into thinking that
the frozen screen
that evil thing
was the episode she sought

But alas and alack
the channel was hacked
and she finally realized
that the local affiliate
is full of idiots
and the channel was fried

So she only saw
A frozen maw
Of someone she really liked
And not the part
she wanted to start
and now she gripes!

MUUSU BUGARU

[Ms Duck]

what once was funny
is now quite dumb
say that my honey
ducks rule of thumb

if its http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crasher_Squirrel
or http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Keyboard_Cat bowling
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Loituma_Girl on twirl
or just damn http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rickrolling

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/All_your_base_are_belong_to_us
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Goatse.cxis , the fool
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saugeen-Maitland_Hall#The_Saugeen_stripper rode short bus
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2_Girls_1_Cup is uncool

(proof is in the pudding
 orignal girls ate fudge
10,000 flowers a budding
used real arse sludge)


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diet_Coke_and_Mentos shower
it was only once amusing
the http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Real_Ultimate_Power
now causes much boozing

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leeroy_Jenkins should die
the interwebs full of crap
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/FreeCreditReport.com lies
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/300_(film) only good for fap

 

[Yeratel]

Duck Season Open!
Fudd finds ducks now habitate
Wikipedia!

[Ms Duck]

http://www.jimbutcheronline.com/bb/index.php/topic,14826.190.html

krwack quack
kzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
zzzzzzzzz

[OnlyElise]

I find this thread amusing,
but I am forced to admit
that compared to Blaze
and the great Ms. Duck,
my rhymes just sound like sh*t.