Anyway. Inspired by series on deviantart, I give you:
EDWARD CULLEN VS. THE WORMVERSE
Basically: various ways Edward Cullen dies thanks to work characters. I'll start us off, but please add:
1.
*Edward is pinned to the ground, struggling to get up thanks to a mass of bugs*
Taylor: I'd give up struggling, if I were you. Bugs can exert a force several times their own weight. This is checkmate. *pours gasoline, lights match*
2.
Tattletale: So, basically, you're a pedophile who uses bestiality metaphors, you're an emotionally abusive boyfriend, and you're a mass murderer.
Edward: I-I don't wanna live anymore. *rips own head in half*
Tattletale: *grins and uses flamethrower*
3.
Dinah Alcott: The probability you will survive the next 3.4 seconds is 0.000674 percent.
Edward: *spontaneously bursts into flames*
4.
Bonesaw: YAY! GLITTER ART!!!