Something that possibly could help with this is a book called Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, that delineates the various ways in which otherwise compatible men and women fail to communicate.
For instance, a woman might come home and complain about a horrible day at work. All she really wants from her man is a sympathetic ear, and when he tries to give her concrete advice on how to fix the problem, she blows up at him and says he doesn't understand her. Or when a man is depressed and grouchy, a woman tries to give him sympathy and all he wants is to retreat into himself and be left alone. Small failures to communicate properly can really put a strain on an otherwise workable relationship.
Hope this helps. I too get annoyed with the old "boy and girl hate each other, but they're so good in bed that nothing else matters" refrain that so many romance writers seem to rely upon. That sort of thing might work in the short term, but it's not a foundation upon which to build a stable, mature relationship.
