A Novelist's Social Life

[blgarver]

I always wondered what kind of circles of friends successful authors keep.  I assume they must hang with the friends they had before they were published and famous.  But what about all the new people they meet as a result of their fame?

For instance, having met Mr. Butcher, it seems like he would fit seemlessly in with my friends and I.  We have a small group, we're all writers, and all we talk about is movies and books and writing...and Jim Butcher.  His sense of humor is the same as ours...which is one of the reasons we love his books so much...and he doesn't seem to have an inflated ego because of his success.

However, I have to assume that successful writers don't hang out with their fans outside of signings and things like that...and furthermore probably frown upon fans asking them to lunch or whatever.

But then again, I'm always eager to meet and hang out with people of like mind...granted I don't meet very many people that I jive with...but if I do, I'm more than willing to hang.  I don't think that will change if I get published and, God willing, have a fan base.  If a fan talks to me and seems cool, and perhaps gets to know me a little by frequenting several signings, then sure, what's lunch gonna hurt?  I mean, assuming this person is actually a huge fan who admires your work and isn't a freaky obsessed stalker psycho.  Gotta watch out for those, I guess.

But what do I know...I'm nowhere near published or successful.  Anyone have any stories, from fan POV or successful author POV?

[the neurovore of Zur-En-Aargh]

However, I have to assume that successful writers don't hang out with their fans outside of signings and things like that...and furthermore probably frown upon fans asking them to lunch or whatever.

My experience as a convention-attending SF fan is that having things to say and speaking up in panel discussions and being generally civilised and intelligent and decent in conversation works as well for making friends with authors as it does for making friends with any other group of human beings. I've met most of the living authors whose work I really admire and they've pretty much all been entirely civilised people.

I understand that there are some conventions where this is much more so than others, and my expereince here is primarily with Eastercons in the UK and Minicons in the US; there are definitely conventions like the World Fantasy Convention which are very strongly aimed at professionals meeting professionals and are not fan-oriented, and there are conventions, often the more media-oriented, where there's a larger division between the professionals and the fans, but those are not ones I choose to go to.  I have heard it said that that kind of division is more prevalent among romance-writer conventions, but again, that's not a place I've been and I do not offer this as a solid piece of data.

Very few authors will be upset if you tell them you love their work.

I mean, assuming this person is actually a huge fan who admires your work and isn't a freaky obsessed stalker psycho.

Unfortunately, not being a name author is absolutely no guarantee of not being harassed by obsessed stalker psychos.  That's one of the reasons I don't use my name here.

[the neurovore of Zur-En-Aargh]

My experience as a convention-attending SF fan is that having things to say and speaking up in panel discussions and being generally civilised and intelligent and decent when spoken to works as well for making friends with authors as it does for making friends with any other group of human beings, and if you start an interesting conversation after a panel it's not impossible you'll be asked along to lunch. I've met most of the living authors whose work I really admire and they've pretty much all been entirely civilised people.

I understand that there are some conventions where this is much more so than others, and my experience here is primarily with Eastercons in the UK and Minicons in the US; there are definitely conventions like the World Fantasy Convention which are very strongly aimed at professionals meeting professionals and are not fan-oriented, and there are conventions, often the more media-oriented, where there's a larger division between the professionals and the fans, but those are not ones I choose to go to.  I have heard it said that that kind of division is more prevalent among romance-writer conventions, but again, that's not a place I've been and I do not offer this as a solid piece of data.

Very few authors will be upset if you tell them you love their work.

Unfortunately, not being a name author is absolutely no guarantee of not being harassed by obsessed stalker psychos.  That's one of the reasons I don't use my name here.

[RMatthewWare]

I don't have any writer friends, but I have several reader friends, which is good.  My friends don't necessarily inspire my writing, but they serve their purpose, they are my friends.  And I like them. 

As to a social life, I try to get out of the house.  I work Friday-Sunday, so that's out.  Monday we have a family night with several people who either have young children, or whose children have moved out.  Tuesday we go to my parents for dinner and TV.  Once a month we hang out with our friends from Overland Park (we're in Independence, MO, about 30-40 minutes away).  And once a month we try to hang out with a friend that is really into theatre and movies and such.  He has been a great help to my writing in the realms of critiquing and offering ideas.

Matt

[Drew]

...I'm nowhere near published or successful.  Anyone have any stories, from fan POV or successful author POV?

I'm published, but I'm not giving up my day job, or my night one.  People I hang with find it cool that I'm a writer, but that goes to the back burner very quickly.  They ask me what's new then conversation moves on to something else. 

[RMatthewWare]

I'm published, but I'm not giving up my day job, or my night one.  People I hang with find it cool that I'm a writer, but that goes to the back burner very quickly.  They ask me what's new then conversation moves on to something else. 

That's the way I see it.  Most of my friends think it's cool that I write, but that's it.  They don't really know what else to say.  Others kind of change the subject real fast.  If I'm ever successful as a writer, it'll be a while.  From what I've heard you have to have at least three books out before you can consider retiring, unless you have a money honey or an inheritance.

Matt

[the neurovore of Zur-En-Aargh]

I'm published, but I'm not giving up my day job, or my night one.  People I hang with find it cool that I'm a writer, but that goes to the back burner very quickly.  They ask me what's new then conversation moves on to something else. 

The number of people there is actually space for the market to support writing full time is smaller than you might think; I've heard what I reackon are informed industry sources estimate it as forty writers for the entire US SF/fantasy market.

[Drew]

The number of people there is actually space for the market to support writing full time is smaller than you might think; I've heard what I reackon are informed industry sources estimate it as forty writers for the entire US SF/fantasy market.

Hence my two jobs.  I write for fun.  But it is cool two be in a crowd and have a friend ask about my books.

[RMatthewWare]

Yeah, scifi/fantasy writers that make it are few and far between.  It's a reason I'm considering leaving Independence, MO.  Too much competition (okay, that's not the reason).  Seriously, you have to work darn hard if you want to make it.  You have to take it as seriously, or even more so, than your full time job.  You have to learn what the market is, how to do it, what's expected, yadda, yadda, yadda.  If you're willing to make it a passion, and you're smart enough, and talented enough, you might make it. 

I think it might be a paradox.  You have to put your life, heart, and soul into your work, but you also have to be able to shake off rejection and disappointment and you can't take yourself too seriously.  Sounds fun.

Matt

[Richelle Mead]

I certainly still hang out with all of my pre-published friends, but I've also made a lot of published writer friends too.  Most of them are at the same level as me--1 or 2 books out--and it's great to be able to talk shop with people who are going through the same things with you.  I've also had the opportunity to hang out with writers several tiers above me--Jim Butcher, Rachel Caine, Charlaine Harris--and I can say with certainty that they are wonderful, perfectly normal people.  They love talking to fans, peers, whatever, and it's no big deal.

And while I can't exactly speak for authors of that caliber, I can offer this story.  A woman came up to me recently to tell me how much she loved my book, and she was clearly stunned to be talking to me.  She was really nervous and felt like she was bothering me.  But, dude.  She was a fan of my book.  That is awesome.  I would have loved to talk to her more; she was in no way bothering me.  I have to imagine the "big name" authors feel the same.