My First Character, what do you think?

[Mr. Ghostbuster]

Hey everyone. I just got Your Story and finished reading it (I'm sure I'll have to look through it again). I don't have any previous RPG gaming experience and was hoping to get your guys' opinions on my first character. Is he interesting? Is he fairly balanced? Did I screw anything up?

Character: Jackson Quinn
Template: Semi-Mortal
High Concept: Crusader with a Badge
Musts: High Conviction (+3 or higher)
Trouble:  Secret Identities and a Double Life

Phase 1: Estranged but Loving Family
Phase 2:  Faith in God, Not so much in Humanity
Phase 3: Trained by and Working for Uncle Sam
Phase 4: Experienced Vampire Hunter
Phase 5: God's got me Warming up in the Bullpen?

SKILLS

Superb: none
Great: Conviction, Alertness, Guns
Good: Fists, Investigation, Resources
Fair: Driving, Lore, Scholarship, Discipline
Average: Athletics, Stealth, Burglary, Empathy, Presence, Contacts

STUNTS/POWERS

-2  Atrophied Thaumaturgy (Ritual)
        - Channel/Enchant (Spirit)
-2  Inhuman Strength
-2  Inhuman Speed
-1  Someone is Looking out For Me (+1 Physical stress, +1 Mild Consequence)
-1  Person of Conviction
-1 Government Resources (+1 Lore, Scholarship and Equipment [can be subject to compel, ie: requisition denied] Comparable to modern mortal law enforcement tools)

ENCHANTED ITEMS

Enchanted Lucky Jacket (+3 Armor, +4 with kevlar. Limited area covered.)
Jackson's Enchanted Mare's Leg (+1 Spirit added to standard attack. Can be fired normally. Can be loaded with special ammunition (ie: steel-jacked rounds, silver bullets, armor-piercing) if declared before the start of session)
2 Slots open for potions.

-9 Total refreshment adjustment

Physical  OOO
Mental    OOOO
Social     OOO

Power Level: Submerged     Skill Cap: Superb (+5)

Skill points spent: 35
Total Available: 35
Base Refresh: 10
Adjusted Refresh: 1

[sinker]

Ok, here's what I see.

Firstly, all powers must be linked to your High Concept. Your High Concept says nothing about why you have ritual casting, or inhuman attributes.

Secondly stunts may only have 2 shifts of effect, unless they are sufficiently restricted (I.E. usable only in this narrow circumstance). Someone is looking out for me has several shifts of effect (one consequence is two shifts, and an additional point of stress is worth two shifts or more). I'm not sure about Government Resources, but it also appears to have too many shifts (+1 to three skills, I'm assuming that you meant Resources instead of Equipment).

Thirdly, I'm not sure what you mean by "Atrophied Thaumaturgy." If that's your story (that he had more complex thaumaturgy and lost it), that's fine, but you need to specialize if you're going to take Ritual.

Lastly your enchanted items are off. You have a lore of fair, so any enchanted item would only be capable of two shifts of effect (unless you made one item with multiple item slots). So your enchanted jacket would only be capable of a single 2 shift block, or 1 point of armor. Enchanted items also can't simply add to another attack. Either they make an attack of their own (in this case a weapon:2 attack) typically aimed by discipline or they may maneuver to create an aspect which can be tagged to add +2 to an attack (though this usually takes 3 shifts).

Edit: Oh, also there is no "Semi-mortal" template, though I've long since stopped using templates anyways.

[Sanctaphrax]

+1 to what sinker said.

If you have trouble coming up with your own stunts, there's a list on the Resources board you should check out.

[Mr. Ghostbuster]

Wait a second. Powers have to be directly related to the High Concept? I'm not sure that makes sense to me. Just because someone isn't a Sorcerer or a Wizard they can't take Thaumaturgy (or other magic related powers)? I don't get that. Thomas is a White Court Vampire and he's certainly capable of basic Thaumaturgy (which implies he'd be capable and learning and refining some magical abilities).

Maybe I should explain what I'm trying to do. The idea is this character began studying magic at a very young age, though he doesn't have the power of a full wizard. At some point he confronts some Red Court Vampires, who infect him. Someone (or something) powerful intervenes and morphs him into something similar but different. Where a vampire draws power from the demon that sets up shop in their body, he draws his power from a spirit of light with limitations similar to a half-vampire. He's later trained by the government and employed as a U.S. Marshall (in charge of keeping the supernatural peace of his town).

I thought that the idea was useable. Was I wrong?

[sinker]

Just think about it. Your High Concept is your core of who you are. If you aren't say, a practitioner, then why would you have the powers of one? If you need further confirmation of this, just check out the "What are powers" section on 158 (there's even a sidebar discussing why it's actually a really good thing to do).

The idea is this character began studying magic at a very young age, though he doesn't have the power of a full wizard. At some point he confronts some Red Court Vampires, who infect him. Someone (or something) powerful intervenes and morphs him into something similar but different. Where a vampire draws power from the demon that sets up shop in their body, he draws his power from a spirit of light with limitations similar to a half-vampire.

This is incredibly important and central to your character. Why isn't it part of your aspects at all?

I think your concept is fine, you just need to incorporate it into your aspects.

[UmbraLux]

I think your concept is fine, you just need to incorporate it into your aspects.

This!

Your high concept in particular should state the essence of who you are.  Red Court Sorcerer; Infected Sorcerer out for Vengeance; Faith Will Sustain Magic through Infection; Sorcery and Faith against Corruption; etc - something which shows the true core of your character.  Something which won't change easily...not without changing your character concept.

[Becq]

How does this work for you?

High Concept: Former Ritualist Turned Nephilim
Templates: Minor Practitioner and Nephilim (half-angel Scion)

Actually, though, I'd recommend picking one schtick and schticking to it (so to speak).  You've got Ritual, but aren't very good at it (Fair Lore).  That makes Ritual not a very good investment of 2 refresh.  Alternatively, you could drop Ritual and make the character a Nephilim (built as a Scion, using the changeling and/or vampiric templates as a guidelines as needed).  If you absolutely must have magic, you even have a built-in excuse to get Soulfire, either to start or as a future upgrade.  For this option, you could go:

High Concept: Nephilim Crusader With A Badge
Template: Nephilim (half-angel Scion)

Other than that, I agree with Sinker on all fronts.  Although I'd add this: what did you mean by "-Channel/Enchant (Spirit)"?  If you want to Channel Spirit, you'll need to buy Channeling.

[Silverblaze]

Following a high concept or template is quite encouraged.

The forum as a whole is split on this topic somewhat.  Yeah, you can have a cop who has minor faith abilities and thaumaturgy.

The forum seems split into three camps.

1. High Concept/Template dictates legal powers to take.  if your high concept doesn't involve magic in any way: you shouldn't have it.  (Though many high concepts other than wizard can be a spell caster)

2. high concept and template exist seperately from powers.  People can spontaneously develope random powers.  Wings, claws, items of power, magic (in any form), diminuitive size, incite emotion etc.

3. a happy medium; I think most fall into this category.  They don't find the high concept or template to be horribly strict, but powers should make sense. (even if you have a stretch...alot)

In any case, a small revision of high concept makes the character work much better by RAW.  I agree the stunts need a little work.  Aspects need a little work, much like has already been suggested.

I would highly recommend having a skill at superb if it is permissible.  If the GM makes foes to fight people (other players in your group) with superb skills, you'll be shy 1 accuracy which can in theory make you miss a lot.  I know that is metagaming.  i generally do not encourage that, but for a first character...you might consider it.