Descriptions....

[Sir Huron Stone]

I'm having trouble finding ways to integrate character descriptions into the story. I don't want to just toss them in there, but I can't figure out a way to fit it in there. Help?

[Snowleopard]

What writer does descriptions best in your opinion - see how they do it.
Terry Pratchett's early books are wonderful for descriptions of his characters.
Lemme see - he uses this description of Ankh-Morpork's Patrician - "The man had eyes everywhere, and none of them so terrifying as the icy blue ones just above his nose."
Use another character's opinion and/or view of the character you're trying to describe as a vehicle for your descriptions.
Have the character do something that reveals something about him.
JB has fun with Harry's height or Murphy's lack of it.

[meg_evonne]

I'm having trouble finding ways to integrate character descriptions into the story. I don't want to just toss them in there, but I can't figure out a way to fit it in there. Help?

Hey there Sir Huron! I haven't seen a post from you in awhile. I'm up late. When I'm on vacation, my writing rips up my time clock.

I agree with Snowleapord on exploring writers who do what you like. I wonder if your descriptions are irritating because they don't mesh in nicely among your action and dialog. Are your descriptions furthering the action? If a description doesn't reveal intimate details about the characters and thus further the plot, then I would rather leave them out.

Is the voice gravely, because your character is a down to earth sort? Does their over the top neatness show how anal retentive they are? Does that young girl have something off that signals a Carrie blowup is going to come eventually?  Other examples, let's see--no neck so head rests on a freaking concrete block. Or her fingers were elegant, but her nails curved like deadly spears. Make sure you are using all the senses like smell, touch, hearing etc to make the descriptions more visceral too. A gutter snipe without BO is... well, sanitized! A fine aristocratic lady without her floral scents is probably just a milk maid. A milk maid without a little pungent cow manure  on her boots, same thing.

I think of JB and his goon descriptions--always delicious. Ian Rankin's descriptions always gain a color highlight and notations in the books, so I can go back and study them. Charles Dickens' work drips character revealing description like hot fudge on a Sundae. Hemingway and F Scott Fitzgerald's--same thing.

My guess is that right now they aren't integral, because they aren't yet written as integral parts that further the character and the plot. Or I'm full of horse radish...

You'll get some cool ideas here as folk post. One or two of them will click with YOUR style. And I look forward to seeing that icon of yours a bit more often in this section!

[LizW65]

Agree about Terry Pratchett.  Another writer who did wonderful character descriptions was P.G. Wodehouse; in one of the Jeeves and Wooster novels, Bertie's uncle, Tom Travers, is described as resembling "a pterodactyl with a secret sorrow."
One of the less clunky ways to get character description into your story is to incorporate it into the action, i.e. "Alice took a moment to pull her long blonde hair back in a ponytail and exchange her Christian Louboutin spike heels for sensible running shoes before strapping on her shoulder holster." or
"Bill's blush contrasted horribly with his bright red hair."
Of course, some authors, such as Elmore Leonard, maintain that you shouldn't describe your characters at all.  I don't necessarily agree with this, but I suppose it all depends on your individual style.

[Sir Huron Stone]

Hm. I'll have to check out some books form the local library it appears. But yeah. For me, it's hard to put in the description without breaking the flow of the scene. And I'll definitely check out books by those authors you guys mentioned.
Thanks for the help.

[Paynesgrey]

Depending on the overall tone you're shooting for, check out John D. MacDonald's Travis MacGee books.  They're all richly penned, like Raymond Chandler set in Ft Lauderdale in the 60's-70's.  MacDonald paints some excellent word pictures to describe character's look and personality.  Check out The Deep Blue Goodbye.

[Sir Huron Stone]

What do you guys think of this?

(click to show/hide)

I continued fiddling with the thing until I heard a voice behind me say, “You have to reboot its brain first, then it’s loading algorithms. If you start the loading algorithms first, the droid brain gets confused and just shuts down again.” I spun around and pointed my blaster right at the sun burned forehead of the man behind me. He held up his hands and said, “I surrender.” His green eyes flashed with amusement, and he smiled, his straight white teeth a marked contrast to his sunburned skin. He idly scratched his short black hair, and I noticed his hands were covered in blisters. His clothes were covered in dust, making distinguishing the colors impossible, and his leather work boots were cracked and the steel toes were showing.

[Paynesgrey]

Looks good, I'd say.

[Snowleopard]

What do you guys think of this?

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Looks pretty good as PG says - there are a couple of things I'd change myself but pretty good.

[shades of grey]

Nice.

[Snowleopard]

Here's some more Terry Pratchett descriptions.  The first is of a member of a secret society in
that wonderful book - Guards,Guards.  (They wear long black, cowled robes.)

"Nothing special about humble origins," said a very small Brother, who seemed to consist entirely of a little perambulatory black robe with halitosis.

The second description is of Carrot Ironfonderson - a wonderful character.
"Now pull back briefly from the dripping streets of Ankh-Morpork, pan across the morning mists of the Disc, and focus in again on a young man heading for the city with all the openness, sincerity and innocence of purpose of an iceberg drifting into a major shipping lane.
    The young man is called Carrot.  This is not because of his hair, which his father has always clipped short for reasons of Hygiene.  It is because of his shape.
    It is the kind of tapering shape a boy get through clean living, healthy eating, and good mountain air in huge lungfuls.  When he flexes his shoulder muscles, other muscles have to move out of the way first.

[meg_evonne]

'blaster' and 'sunburned forehead' used together---I love the humor it gave me in such a short concise description!

Skip the 'and he smiled', as 'flashed with amusement' is stronger. An editor once told me to pick the strongest action and cut the rest. Again, I liked the use of flashed here.

The contrast of the well maintained white teeth against reddened skin sparked questions that perked my interest. I asked myself, 'Was this because he's out of his element?' It paints a horror graphic in my mind, and I definitely wanted to know more about him as a result..

All of these things are great. So where's your hang up???  LOL, Have at it, SHS.

Can the 'cracked' work boots be painted as dry and fodder for ignition? I suppose that would be laying it on too thick, huh? LOL

[Sir Huron Stone]

I put in the well maintained teeth because it's supposed to be a sort of back of beyond settlement, small, not many comforts ya know? Show that even in a harsh enviroment he's taking care of the small things. That and I thought there should be something more in the description, but I couldn't figure out what to put.