I personally resent being compared to Colonel Samuel P. McPostington. Most people have forgotten about him, but I haven't. He was the maniacal villain responsible for the atrocities committed during the early Cola Wars. Some have even said that he was behind New Coke from the beginning. Historians generally agree that he was a Knight of the Royal Crown, purposely sowing the seeds of war between Coke and Pepsi in order to weaken the two companies.
McPostington's diary was discovered some years after his death in 1987. A misguided idealist, McPosington had an irrational hatred of what he referred to as the "Commoner Colas". His vision was for the "True Cola" to regain past glory over the broken corpses of the Coke and Pepsi companies. His plan would have succeeded, but Coca-Cola caught on to what he was doing.
In what was a top-secret operation at the time, Coke and Pepsi actually teamed up against this common enemy. They assembled a covert task-force composed of the best-of-the-best of the time: Levar Burton, Duran Duran, Erno Rubik, Pac-Man, Michael Jackson, and the entire cast of "the Breakfast Club". Michael Jackson was, of course, shot and killed during the operation. The Michael Jackson Beta Clone, manufactured by the mercenary Disney corporation, was then deployed as backup. As a reward for service well done, the clone was allowed to live the life of the original Jackson after the engagement.
McPostington, who in the end had gone completely insane, threatened apocalypse by shipping 78,000 tons of Pop Rocks into Coca-Cola's Atlanta, GA bottling plant. In the end, the Coke-Pepsi alliance won the firefight. Historians agree however, that if the effects of Mentos and Diet Coke were known at the time, the outcome would have certainly have been different. McPostington, unwilling to be taken prisoner, fell on his proverbial sword. Several open packages of Pop Rocks and empty cans of the "True Cola" were found scattered about his corpse.
Well, you all know the rest of the story, so I'll stop here. I just think it a bit odd that we have to share this lunatic's name, is all...
