Author Topic: Request a Character...  (Read 17225 times)

Offline Raphael

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Re: Request a Character...
« Reply #90 on: May 26, 2011, 06:45:28 PM »
Seems like everyone is enjoying the thread...Keep posting those characters.
Great minds think alike, but fools seldom differ.
-Anonymous

True forgiveness is a self-healing process which starts with you and gradually extends to everyone else.
-Robert Holden

All warfare is based in deception...
-Sun Tzu

Offline Sanctaphrax

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Re: Request a Character...
« Reply #91 on: May 28, 2011, 01:12:01 AM »
Second draft of Rocko's backstory. I think the grammar is more or less right now.

As for Rocko's front sheet:

-High Concept should be "Man Of God" not "Man Of God Trouble"
-High Concept and Trouble Aspect should be centered.
-There should be a space between Presence and Fists.
-The IoP bonus value should go before its explanation, like the other elements of the Crucifix's cost.

Background
Rocko (as he is affectionately called by the breed) is the product of one of Ream's 'Outbreeding' exercises. His mother, Carla, is a Spanish Catholic who arrived in Liverpool after fleeing an abusive partner. Tommy Godfellow took her under his wing and helped her hide with the River Witches. Carla and Tommy grew close and eventually Ream gave permission for them to marry. As a devout Catholic, Carla insisted that Rocko be baptized. Father MacKenzie carried out the service and was reported as saying that 'something moved' as the water in the font was poured over the child's head. But no one was ever able to get him to be more specific.
Aspect: Blessed By Baptismal Waters

Rising conflict
As Rocko grew he spent more and more time at the Cathedral. Meanwhile, his peers were kicking around footballs. This caused a lot of friction at home as his father wanted him to be 'normal' while his mother saw no harm in Rocko's obsessions. Eventually Tommy banned him from attending Sunday school to take him to the schoolboy football matches. Rocko responded by running away. Father MacKenzie eventually found the young lad and told him had to go home and respect his fathers wishes. (Quoting relevant scriptures to drive it home.) Rocko obeyed and his father realised that the cause was lost. He was never going to have the son he had hoped for. He relented and Rocko returned to the church services.
Aspect: The Faith Is Strong In This One

First story
Although Tommy had given up on Rocko being a 'normal' kid he was determined that his son still enter the Breed; after all, that was the whole reason for his existence. He dragged the reluctant young man to meet Ream, confident that the Sheriff could talk sense into the lad. Ream explained what was expected of Rocko and the role waiting for him. Rocko could see some benefit in this. After all, the church had taught him he should help his fellow man. Besides, the creatures that Ream had been talking about sounded rather close to the demons Jesus drove out in the parables. But still, Rocko felt torn. Once again Father MacKenzie intervened. He suggested that Rocko be allowed to go to the seminary and return to the Breed after he had trained as a priest. Ream was not sure, all too conscious that he would be losing the best years of Rocko's active life to "books and arguing" instead of having him "out in the fight." The argument was resolved when Jake Pym commented he would not be happy to serve with some one whose heart was not in the Breed. Ream relented and Rocko left to join the priesthood.
Aspect: Bred For The Job But Called By The Church
« Last Edit: May 30, 2011, 02:04:30 AM by Sanctaphrax »

Offline Team8Mum

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Re: Request a Character...
« Reply #92 on: May 28, 2011, 03:25:19 PM »
Thanks.
It's a bank holiday this weekend so it's family time. I'll make the corrections and reupload some time next week.
I would HATE to be a character in one of the stories I write -
and then there are the days when it looks too much like I AM!

Offline Sanctaphrax

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Re: Request a Character...
« Reply #93 on: May 30, 2011, 02:04:17 AM »
Frederick Mathers, now.

Minor edits:

-Center name, High Concept, and Trouble Aspect
-Give Template
-Remove space before and period after "Rising conflict"
-Decapitalize MAN OF THE HOUSE, remove the period after it, and make sure that it corresponds to what's on the front page
-Put colon between Aspect and Crack Shot
-Put space between Aspect: and A Father To My Men

Offline Sanctaphrax

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Re: Request a Character...
« Reply #94 on: May 30, 2011, 02:15:44 AM »
Edited stories:

Frederick Mathers was the eldest of four children. His two twin brothers and his sister were always going to be a handful, but the situation was complicated by his father's death when Frederick was only six. As a child Frederick believed that his father had been killed in a car accident, but he later discovered he was killed by a Loup-Garou whilst working with the Breed. As the eldest child, he had to take on a lot of his father's former responsibilities. By nine he was doing most of the cooking and by eleven he was dealing with all of the household bills. He even faked his mother's signatures on the cheques he wrote to pay those bills. The only thing he did for himself was a regular Saturday afternoon with "Uncle Frank"* playing paint ball. He had no idea how important those games were until one day Frank took him to meet Sheriff Ream.
*Uncle Frank being Frank Stanley - The Blue Knight in the Court of the Fisher King and the "Lord Protector of The Faerie City".

Having proved himself more than competent on the rifle range, the teenage Frederick was instructed by Ream to provide sniper cover for a bust on a clubland drug mage. Unfortunately, while Frederick was separated from the rest of the squad he was attacked and bundled away. During their interrogation the gang shot him full of cocaine in an attempt to get him to talk. Fredrick was tracked down and rescued, and he was helped to overcome the physical effects of the drug addiction. However, there is some small part of him that recalls how good it felt. Still, as Ream reassured him, he DID resist them. He did not give them the information they wanted. If he had not been a Mathers the situation would have been very very different, SOMETHING.

Despite, or maybe because of, his shaky start in active service with the Breed, Frederick has risen through the ranks. His determination and attentiveness have impressed the sheriff who has pushed him into more and more senior roles, including assisting the younger cadets in developing thier skills and abiliites (Ream knows that Frederick is never going to make the mistakes that almost cost him his life with them). Now in his mid thirties, Fredrick is having to face the fact that his own son is coming up to cadet age. He is trying not to feel too old, but surounded by all these 'kids' it's hard.

Offline Sanctaphrax

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Re: Request a Character...
« Reply #95 on: June 04, 2011, 04:46:46 AM »
Quick look at Abraham reveals the need for the following minor edits:

-Center High Concept and Trouble Aspect
-"Trouble Aspect:" should be completely underlined on the backside
-CAVENDISH PRIDE shouldn't be in all caps
-Put spaces between Aspect: and the aspects
-Put a colon after the word Aspect after the third story
-Remove comma after Friends Are The Greatest Treasure

More complete review to follow.