The rules for this are vaguely written, and could be interpreted to allow double damage with Incite+Feeding. However, given the pains through which the designers went to ensure that in every other aspect of the game, there was no way of generating damage twice with one attack, or two attacks with one action, or an attack plus a maneuver with one action, etc, etc ... I think I feel comfortable in assuming they did not mean for that to happen here.
I think the core of the confusion lies in the following section in the Emotional Vampire rules:
When a victim is in the throes of an eligible emotion (usually easy for a White Court vampire using his Incite Emotion ability, page 172), you may draw some of his life force out of him to sustain you. This is done as a psychological attack with an appropriate skill (usually Deceit or Intimidation).
The "This is done" sentence is refering to how one gets the viction into the throes of an eligible emotion (ie, by making a psychological attack); it is not saying that the feeding itself is a psychological attack. So an Emotional Vampire without Incite Emotion could use a psychological attack (for example, a seduction attempt for lust vampires, which would be handled as mental combat complete with stress and consequences) to create the emotion, which he could then feed on. This would take quite some time, generally, and would not be appropriate for combat (because such mental attacks are slow).
Emotional Vampires who also have Incite Emotion can use Incite to 'create the mood' in place of a normal psychological attack (not in addition to), and can gain the benefits of feeding as part of the same action. This means that you get either the maneuver or stress from the Incite plus the benefits of feeding (which don't appear to have any mechanical benefits unless the target is taken out and killed as a result of the attack+feeding), but not 'double damage'.
At least, that's my read. Your mileage may vary.
As to the original question, the attacking player dictates the Taken Out results within reason (ie, the GM and group should agree that the results are reasonable), and death is very specifically a reasonable result for the feeding done by an Emotional Vampire. But the player decides whether he draws deeply enough to kill; he can choose not to do so (and wouldn't gain the benefits of feeding to death, of cours