Character Creation: Feedback Needed!

[Sigma77]

Game: Chest-Deep Level.
* Work-in-Progress, Unsure

Name: Matthew St. Claire
Refresh: 3
Template: True Believer
High Concept: Med-Student with a Mission*
Trouble: Temptation Looks Good
Aspects
Background: Country Christian
Rising Conflict: "I'm not THAT Guy!"
The Story: "What Limits?"
Guest Star: "Don't. Touch. Them."
Guest Star Reducx: Involved, for Better or Worse

Powers, Stunts
Bless This House [-1]
Guide My Hand [-1]
Righteousness [-2]*
(Considering Holy Touch, so far not taking it)
Stunt: Fists (Lethal Weapon) [-1]

Skills
Superb (+5): -
Great (+4): -
Good (+3): Fists, Conviction, Scholarship, Empathy, Presence
Fair (+2): Athletics, Endurance, Rapport, Might, Contacts
Average (+1): Alertness, Driving, Investigation, Resources, Discipline

General Information
Matthew is a country boy, raised in a small town on the Eastern Shore of Maryland. The son of a local pastor, he had been essentially raised on the Gospel. Far from doing what most do in such a situation, Matthew readily took to the word he was presented. It was a important place in his life, essentially the foundation for who and what he is. That said, growing up, Matthew has constantly been tempted by the things that he knows better than to touch. Sex, drugs, alcohol, it all just looks so appetizing...and, frankly, he hasn't always had the strength to say no to the temptations. Perhaps one of the greater reasons for this is the trauma of watching his father slowly withering away from cancer. He sometimes turned to the temptations that plagued his life as a way of escape, an out to the pain of watching the single most important man in his life die. With his father's dying words did Matthew find the strength to once again turn the back on such temptations, deciding to dedicate his life to helping prevent the very kinds of things that took away his father. He doesn't want to be the guy that simply ran away from the pain of life anymore. Eventually, he applied to John Hopkins and has been going to college with the hopes of becoming a doctor.

That's just a small sketch of what I have in my head for Matthew, and it's far from complete. Still, I was hoping for some feedback. I really don't want to...munchkin the character, hence why I left more refresh and less abilities and such. Thoughts and suggestions?

[crusher_bob]

Looks like you have 35 skill points, not 30.

Next, why do you fight so well?  Were you the bare knuckle boxing champion of your home town?  Did all those years of bicycling to the only dojo in the county pay off?  Do angels come to you in your dreams and teach you the secrets of YHVH Fist Kung Fu?

Next, I think you skills are too spread out.  You fight sorta well, but not well enough to be a primary combatant.  And at this level of refresh, you can barely keep up as a secondary combatant.  You've got two passive social skills (empathy, presence) that make a good beginning for a social character, but you don't have an active social skill (deceit, rapport, intimidation) to make use of them.  And you have the high scholarship that some support characters have, but you don't have and any other high support skills to back it up.  Admittedly, you have enough spare refresh to push through on at least some things, but you'll also want some spare FATE points to run your powers too.

I'd recommend picking two of (combat, social, support) and rearrange your skills around those two goals.

(More later)

[Sigma77]

Oops. Mucked up the skills, thanks for pointing that out.

Also, in response to the fighting so well - in retrospect, I really *should* have added that to the original summary. Boxing is his pastime, so your first idea was actually nearly spot on. It's why he's got athletics and endurance in his skill set. I think my problem when I was doing the skills was I was trying to build the character as I viewed him my head in comparison to the actual gameplay mechanics. I'll rearrange them (and fix them, while I'm at it) and see about doing what you suggested though.

[Sigma77]

Sorry for the double post, but edited! Also, considering taking Holy Touch to up the actual combat ability?

[Haru]

If you take righteousness and holy touch, you are in the "champion of god" template. I understand the true believer and champion of god to be sort of an active/passive or aggressive/defensive side of the same fight. Like the difference between Father Forthill and Michael. As far as I understand your character concept, it seems like you want to start out as a true believer and maybe step up to become a champion, as you progress.
Maybe the first time you encounter something weird and knock it out with fists it might "unlock" the holy touch power, or a last desperate prayer might help you save your group from being maimed to unlock the righteousness power (there are options for mid-session upgrades(YS91), so you would not have to take those powers at the beginning of the game, if you are uncertain about them. You should however talk to your gm about that idea, so that he is not totally overwhelmed, when you suddenly want to add a power to your character.).

And you might want to spell out, what that mission is he is on, because it will give you a better idea of the characters motives. Or you just say "med-student on a mission from god", which is going to get a lot of compels for sure, mysterious ways and all that.

How far along is he with his studies, because you might want to consider the doctors stunt for scholarship.

Be sure to have some ideas of how to compel/invoke your aspects. If you don't seem to find anything for an aspect, you might want to change it.

In your description, you are talking about how important his father was, yet there is nothing to reflect that in his aspects. It probably isn't necessary, but it seems weird, because after reading your description, the memory of his father should be the one thing that will keep him going even if anything else falls apart.

[ways and means]

So your character is on a mission from god.

[crusher_bob]

Here's two sample builds that focus on different things:

Social and Support Build:

Superb: Conviction
Great: Empathy, Rapport
Good: Scholarship, Presence
Average: Endurance, Fists, Contacts
Fair: Athletics, Alertness, Investigation, Discipline, Driving

Powers:
Guide My Hand [-1]
Righteousness [-2]

Stunts:
Angel of Coincidence
That bible in you picked up in the hotel room just happens to stop the bullets, you slip and fall down just before the ambush starts, your opponent is distracted by all the pigeons flying around in slow motion when it comes time to put a cap into you.  However it works, you are much harder to hit than people would think.  
Use conviction for the dodge trapping of Athletics

Wine, women, and song Sex, Drugs, and Rock and roll
"Matthew, does every hooker in town know you by sight?"
"No, some wouldn't recognize me without my Luchador mask on."
Add 2 to your contacts roll whenever it involves procuring or knowing something about any of the above three topics.

Doctor
You may not have your license to practice yet, but you drink a whole lot less than most of the other back room doctors.


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Sample Combat and Support Build

Superb: Conviction, Fists
Great: Scholarship, Investigation
Good: Empathy, Presence
Average: Athletics, Contacts
Fair: Endurance, Rapport

Powers:
Guide My Hand [-1]
Righteousness [-2]

Stunts:
Faith over body
The Lord suffered for three days on the cross, can you do any less?
Use conviction instead of endurance to determine physical stress boxes.

Footwork
Use fists instead of athletics to dodge.

Lethal Weapon

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Both of those character sheets could more or less describe the same person, but notice how the shifts in skill allocation and stunts changes to focus of the character.