Session 9Carter Mews,
Bill Stockburn,
Kathryn Bryant, and
Lucy CollinsReward: Minor Milestone
NOWOn the Road
Near Devil’s Fork State Park, South Carolina
A hunter’s moon lit the lonely forested road as the four bikers wound their way through the South Carolina wilderness. Bill, Kathryn, and Carter were traveling towards some rumors of hidebehinds in West Virginia and had met up with Lucy Collins, formerly of Kansas City. As part of her character creation, we had retconned Lucy into the “Velma” role in the Kansas City Vampire Soup Kitchen fiasco. She was a witch of no small power and was convinced her parents had conceived her to be the Antichrist. It was a plot hook I could work into what was already going on with Pantagruel, Bill’s (and now also Carter’s) Denarian nemesis, but at the moment there were more pressing matters than Lucy’s ancestry.
Bill, Carter, and Kathryn (thanks to Compels) didn’t see the barbed wire strung across the road. All three of them shredded their tires and went down while Lucy managed to stop in time. There wasn’t much time to inspect the damage, though - they heard rustling from the brush on both sides of the road!
Wrong TurnKathryn and Bill headed off the road to investigate the noises. Lucy drew blood from her hand, preparing to fuel a spell if necessary (a Lore maneuver). Finally, Carter started tossing road flares, angling them to create a web of light and shadow he could use to get off the road and remain unseen while still getting a glimpse of the gang’s mysterious assailants (he also rolled for a maneuver). Bill and Kathryn spotted a small group of bestial greenish humanoids lurking in the brush, dressed in filthy overalls and flannel and brandishing bows, axes, and clubs. One of them was aiming its bow at Lucy’s bike (as it was the only one still running). Stealth rolls were failed and initiative was rolled. The orks fell upon Kathryn and Bill - one tried to grab Kathryn but her cursed stunt that let her defend with Guns proved more than a match for the ork’s kidnapping attempt. Bill’s dice were on fire and he deftly avoided his assailants as well. The ork bowman loosed his arrow. Lucy felt the solid
thunk as the arrow pierced her bike’s gas tank. That was more than enough to send her into a foul-mouthed tirade, but when she saw the quarter-stick of dynamite tied to the shaft, she shut up and dove for cover. Lucy’s bike exploded, the orange fireball highlighting four more orks on the other side of the road who were waiting for the explosion before they moved in. Carter used his maneuver to boost a Stealth roll and he flanked these newcomers. Meanwhile, Lucy slammed the bowman with a lightning bolt, nearly taking him out with one shot even through the ork’s Inhuman Toughness.
This was only the group’s second or third real encounter with evocation and they were duly impressed. Bill and Kathryn were no slouches, however, and each managed to wedge gun barrels under ork chins and geyser brains into the night sky. The remaining ork still fighting Bill lucked out after that; he hit the old man by six or something insane like that. Bill figured they weren’t gonna kill him outright - they wanted to grab him and Kathryn for a reason, and his dubious “plan” involved getting taken back to the ork lair. Bill let me Taken (heh) him Out - the ork chopped Bill’s gun from his hands, clubbed him unconscious, and hoisted his wrinkly ass over one shoulder. Prisoner in tow and with several of their kin dead in seconds, the orks turned to flee.
Lucy would have none of it. She flat-out vaporized the bowman with a white-hot stream of fire before he could run for cover. Carter ambushed the slowest ork from the other group as they, too, scampered back into the woods. Cooter the ork, in what would become his defining characteristic for the night, rolled negative number after negative number and quickly ended up tased.
The gang’s inventory:
-4 bikes
-1 Bill
+1 ork named Cooter
Cooter didn’t have a chance. Lucy intimidates like Clay punches, and the ork’s luck dropped below “Wile E. Coyote” and into “Star Trek Redshirt” territory. Cooter readily agreed to lead Carter, Kathryn, and Lucy to his kin (and Bill, they hoped) in exchange for his life. By taking an ork captive in the first encounter and subsequently Taking him Out mentally, thus gaining his cooperation, the party bypassed a potential series of harrying skirmishes, wilderness adventure, and booby traps. That was okay by me - Bill had pretty much done the same thing except HE was the one captured.
If You Kill Me You Won’t Find the TreasureBill came to amidst the smell of wood smoke, salt, motor oil, and a range of meat-stench from “freshly butchered” to “rancid”. He was in the orks’ smokehouse, his hands tied to a meathook, dangling with a dozen other carcasses including deer, boar, and human.
“He’s awake!” cried a skinny little goblin from behind Bill. The gobbo scampered up out of the smokehouse only to be replaced by a massive seven-foot tall ork. The bearded beast hunched into the outbuilding and squatted down in front of Bill. He took a swig from a dark bottle, took off his red trucker’s hat, and ran a meaty hand through bristly hair so pallid it was almost white.
“Enos, git yer writin’ bitz,” the large ork stated. More scampering from behind Bill, then the rustling of paper on a police-issue clipboard. With the “stenografur” ready, Uncle Jesse began interrogating Bill. Bill pretty much kept to the truth: He was a monster hunter, and now his friends were gonna kill Jesse and his kin for what they were doing to people. Uncle Jesse alluded to humans trespassing on their rightful land and let slip a long-standing feud with the elves living in the Enchanted Forest trailer park to the north. Bill perked up at this; he started angling to maybe offer to take on the elves, but he wasn’t the most sociable of characters and couldn’t talk his out of his predicament. Jesse told him “We’ll talk latur, after Coy n’ Vance work yer over fer whut you did ta our kin.” And that’s how Bill ended up with the Moderate consequence “Tenderized” while the rest of the party was on their nature hike.
The Hills Have OrksTrue to his word, Cooter led Lucy, Kathryn, and Carter through the early morning darkness towards the ork lair. Dawn was breaking as they arrived at a clearing filled with rusting car wrecks spanning decades - all previously owned by the orks’ victims. A ramshackle farmhouse slouched at the far end of the clearing, surrounded by wood-and-tin outbuildings. Carter Cased the Joint and rolled off the ladder - with a 9, I decided he could name
three Aspects, and he chose “Precarious Junkpiles”, “Architectural Failure”, and “Rabbit Warrens”.
Their recon complete, Carter and Kathryn flanked opposite ends of the junkyard, searching for Bill. Once her comrades were safely concealed, Lucy simply walked into the clearing with Cooter as a human shield, called out the orks, and the orks answered! A dozen of the creatures emerged from the farmhouse, the garage, from the backyard, and from the smokehouse (at this point Kathryn and Carter noted this pair’s bloodstained knuckles and the glimmer of motion from within the smokehouse, correctly deducing Bill was still alive and inside). Most of them brandished rough melee weapons, while some preferred bows and others still wore tattered deputy hats and held shotguns. One of these even had a sherriff’s star and rode atop some sort of mutant dire boar. Finally, a brute of an ork, easily nine feet tall and dressed in a haphazard homespun version of a gentleman’s suit, stomped out the front door of the farmhouse. If nothing else, it would have been obvious this ork was the leader due to his fancy gold pocketwatch and dandy white hat.
“So dere yer are,” Boss Hogg spat. “You gotta lotta nerv walkin’ in heah by yerrsef. We gonna kill, eat, an’ rape ya - okay, maybe not in dat orda. We ain’t anamulz, heh heh. Not like dem sumbitch elves.”
Lucy wasn’t impressed, but then it was her schtick to hate everyone and be the most sarcastic, jaded bitch in the room. “Ask your dead friends about my nerves - oh wait, you can’t, I fucking
vaporized them because I am a
witch. The realms of wind and spirits are mine to command, pigsy. I propose a trade: You let my guy go, I let Cooter here go, and we all just walk away.”
Lucy rolled a 5 on her Intimidate check. Boss Hogg rolled a 4, but then spent a FP, invoking “Hog Boss” (it was late, all right?) and boosting his result to a 6. I asked Lucy’s player if he wanted to spend a FP as well (he had a ton of aspects he could have invoked for this), but it was his last FP and he was going to hang onto it.
“No deal,” Hogg growled. “Go git her, boyz!”
’Bout This Time, the Ork Boyz Figgered They Was In a Speck of TroubleLucy’s sponsor (the literal Dark Powers) spoke up at this point. They wanted her to take out the farmhouse. They said it would break the orks’ morale. They didn’t tell Lucy that Daisy, the ork matriarch, and some half-dozen ork children were waiting inside, protected by Uncle Jesse, and that this was my little deconstruction of the stereotypical “do you kill the orc babies too?” arguments that pop up here and there on the internet. Lucy had her own plans, however, and refused the Compel. Instead, Lucy did some evothaum and summoned a junkyard golem. This creaking, rusty monstrosity tore into the front rank of hard-charging orks. The greenskins gave it a good fight, but the primary purpose was to provide a distraction so Carter and Kathryn could rescue Bill. Coy and Vance peppered the machine with dynamite-tipped arrows while Roscoe and Flash the dire boar ripped into the thing with tusks and pickaxes. A bunch of orks ran for the garage, figuring they could ram the thing to bits with their vehicles. Lucy watched her construct explode as the dynamite detonated (killing Flash in the resulting blast), then
lit Coy’s remaining dynamite on fire.
The garage burst open! First, a battered old tow truck fishtailed into the junkyard and headed for Lucy. The orange 1969 Charger that followed was in pristine condition, its big block engine tuned to a powerful roar, its custom horn blaring “Dixie” across the battlefield. Bo and Luuk Ork let out a hearty “Yeeehaawwww!” as they too drove their General Lee straight at Lucy!
At the same time, Carter and Kathryn freed Bill and the trio of hunters came out of the smokehouse shooting. Kathryn gunned Vance down over a few very hairy rounds, as the big brute came at her again and again with a club. Bill put down Cletus and Roscoe, while Carter took Coltrane with a clean headshot. Boss Hogg clambered onto the rear of the two truck and was grinning madly, relishing the idea of running down this puny hoomie who was killin’ his boyz.
Lucy called upon the land of wind and spirits, taking control of the General Lee’s wheel and putting a Block on Bo and Luuk’s attempt to run her over. Luuk fired a dynamite arrow but it hit Cooter, shredding his left arm, shoulder, and face. Cooter howled in misery and Lucy was thrown backwards. She gritted her teeth and burned FP, steering the General Lee just long enough to slam it into the tow truck. She tagged the aspects Carter had placed at the start of the conflict, and Boss Hogg was pinned to the ground, pierced by rusty steel and broken glass. Enos and his two truck managed to peel out, leaving his leader behind. Then Lucy got nasty. She was running low on mental stress, but she lasted long enough to send the Charger careening into piles of junk again and again, treating the orks inside like they were in Death Proof, finally ejecting them violently through their windshield. Bo was hurt bad, but Luuk managed to roll well enough to avoid the broken glass and metal debris that had severely wounded his brother.
“Boss!” Luuk shouted. “Dese hoomies got us on da ropez! Call fer da Hunt!”
Boss Hogg’s blood frothed on his giant maw. “I ain’t doin’ it. We can take ‘em. Ain’t callin’ no got-damned elves fer help.”
Kathryn sprayed the orange Charger with bullets, causing both orks to flinch.
“Got-damned sumbitch elves,” Hogg growled. He raised an old Civil War bugle to his lips and blew. The sound that issued forth was an ancient thing, welling up from the earth. What happened next did not involve elves.
Two DollarsHooves thundered across the clearing and I offered Carter’s player a FP as a mob of angry ghost centaurs charged out of the forest. They were coming straight for Carter, vengeful grimaces on their faces. One of them had even acquired a luchador mask and Ultimate Warrior arm tassles from somewhere. They were here because Carter had taken the coins they needed for passage across the Styx, waaaay, way back when the gang traveled into the NeverNever. Carter’s day of reckoning was finally here.
...And Carter’s player bought off the Compel. The thief frantically fished around in his pockets before finally throwing out a handful of gold coins to the angry centaurs. There was a brief pause, followed by a gunshot as Bill capped Boss Hogg while he struggled underneath the junkpile. The bugle fell in limp fingers and the centaurs started gathering up the coins.
“He who hath called this Hunt is dead!” one centaur said. “And look! Brothers! Elysium awaits us at last!” The centaurs turned and rode off. The luchador pointed to Carter and muttered “This ain’t over, hombre,” but he, too, turned to follow his fellow spirits.
Loot, Then Burn“Dat wuz... weird,” Bo coughed weakly before Kathryn machinegunned him and Luuk like they were Bonnie and Clyde. Luuk slumped dead onto the General Lee’s horn, sending repeating choruses of “Dixie” skyward.
Oh, and Bill shot Enos after Lucy wrecked the tow truck. I think that was everyone at that point, so the gang cautiously entered the farmhouse. The rickety building had been untouched by the hell that had scoured the ork encampment, and the hunters were nervous about any final surprises. They didn’t find any, just a tunnel in the basement where a few orks must have escaped. They found crude maps of the area denoting park ranger fire towers, areas for game, and an ever-changing border between ork land and elf land to the north. Carter found the orks’ stash of wallets, cellphones, jewelry, and other personal effects from previous victims. Meanwhile, Lucy checked out the still. A Lore check revealed that the contents of the various bottles faintly hummed with magical energy. Lucy decided to see if the ork moonshine would give her any obvious abilities.
What Lucy got was
really drunk.
The gang looked through the orks’ garage and junkyard, and eventually dredged up enough tires and parts to get their bikes running again. Well, all except for Lucy, but she had her unsteady gaze fixed on the General Lee.
“I can fix this,” she slurred, accepting a Compel from the Dark Powers to fix her new car. The Charger started shifting and groaning as its fenders bent back into shape and bullet holes filled back in. Its Christine-like metamorphosis complete, the entire car painted itself black.
With his quick-thinking solution to the ghost centaurs, we’d determined that Carter never threw anything away, and in an inspired bit of continuity, Carter noticed the skull-headed gearshift he took from Bad Truck was gone, transported somehow to the shifter on Lucy’s black Charger. We mocked Lucy’s player about picking a car instead of a motorcycle when the idea behind the game was that everyone would be playing a monster-hunting
biker, but in the end we relented because it wasn’t just
any car, it was
Bad Car. It channeled Christine and Death Proof and was made from an orky General Lee. Besides, Lucy’s player usually doesn’t show up that often, thus lessening the impact said car will have on future sessions. Plus, it’s a car built by a Compel from the Dark Powers. It’s practically
my car. Muahaha.
And that is why, as the gang babied their bikes back onto the road, the ork blood spattering the ground trickled slowly up the Charger’s quarter panel and into its gas tank.
