Help with short section

[prophet224]

Hello all!

I am trying to describe a first encounter with a particular alien species. I've included a touch before it for context (not that context matters much in this case). There is a lot more background, but I've bolded the key section that I'm worried about. Note that I have obviously not decided on names, and since the creature actually is an 'it', does it get to have "it's" or still just "its" for possessives?

The question is, what does this description convey to you, or basically does it do the job? Links to related images after the piece.

Thanks for any help and thoughts.
-Matt

"Glad that's taken care of," he ground out. The suit had administered localized anaestetic, but it only cut the pain - it didn't remove it completely. He rolled over onto his back and took in the room, grimacing as bolts of agony shot up and down his arm from the epicenter where he'd been hit. The room was covered in a green gel-like gore. He started to sit up, but a shadow passed quickly over his head and something landed on his face and torso. He fought a moment of panic as he took in a swarm of legs and double rows of pulsing holes on what looked like a giant thorax. He heard a boom and the creature disappeared, the weight on his upper body gone with it.
"Bugs," came <>'s voice, "why did it have to be bugs?"
Mitchell scrambled up and self-medicated. This particular drug had once born more than a passing resemblance to caffeine. It would artificially increase his pain tolerance and work synergistically with the non-narcotic painkillers to help keep him functional. The floor was littered with orange, yellow, and rust colored chitinous body parts. "Thanks <>," he said, glancing at the creature that had been blasted off of him. They could examine these things later. "Secure the corridors. How's <other guy who got hurt>?"
"I'm ok L.T." <other guy> had moved out of the lock and it was cycling behind him. He was already on his feet. "Beam really heated up the suit, and then it caught a joint. Lucky shot. Lost hip power for a second there. Secondary is online, but the suit's still radiating." The suits could take a beating but the energy still had to go somewhere. The outer skin could disperse most of a beam weapon, but what it didn't disperse would heat up the interior. Each section of skin could only disperse or absorb so much energy. A sufficiently powerful and narrow beam could overwhelm the skin's limits in a given section. Once that limit was reached, the weapon would punch through the other armor layers and finally into the meaty center.
The lock spun open and Top rushed into the room with the other <4?> platoon members. "Are you all right Lieutenant?"
"Fine Top," he said, then added in a bad British accent, "It's just a flesh wound."
From the right tube access, <> called out. "Nothing coming, L.T., but look at this thing." He nudged a mostly intact insectoid body, then jumped back and brought up a weapon when it twitched at the contact.
Mitchell quickly held up a hand. "Wait!"

<person> backed a few more steps away and they all watched a jumble of limbs sort itself out. The creature looked like a praying mantis crossed with a grasshopper. It had a short vertical torso segment. Near its head was a pair of barbed arms extending from either side of the torso. Complex colored marking were inset - artificially, it appeared - into the chitin. It reached up with the left arm and gripped the wall, then pulled the legs underneath its body and pushed, wobbling, into a standing position. The elongated body hung between its two sets of legs as if it were being carried, front legs keeping it higher off the ground while the rear of the body hung low. Thick, sturdy, powerful-looking rear legs jutted up above the body to a joint before a long section reached to the floor below. The front pair of legs were smaller, but still looked sturdy, though the chitin was cracked. One arm hung limp from its "shoulder". As the creature moved Mitchell saw that the arm was detached and hanging from a string of tissue.

Vratix:
http://images3.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/5/57/Vratix_UAA.jpg/250px-Vratix_UAA.jpg
Those big legs would be in the rear on my creature. Shorter torso and more body slope.

Mantis:
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_Pk3jJ8hnWXo/S8_8-993UDI/AAAAAAAADM4/OMzy8I8aDP8/s1600/praying_mantis_india.jpg
Shorter torso, slightly less elongated body, much thicker legs, otherwise about right.

[Starbeam]

It's--it is.  Its--possessive pronoun for it.  And my question about the excerpt would be when and where it's set.  Depending on that, saying something is a cross between praying mantis and grasshopper might seem out of place.  Same with the pop culture references mixed in with sci-fi stuff.

[Kali]

Unless the humans are from Earth originally, I agree with the comparisons and pop-culture references.  Your dialogue is good, you have a sense of the rhythms of speech that some people lack.  It shows most clearly in bits like "Beam really heated up the suit..."  People in casual conversation tend to drop articles like "the" from the beginnings of sentences.  Some authors put them in, thinking it's proper grammar and they're right, but it makes conversation sound stilted and formal.

An easy way to remember "its" vs. "it's" is this:  If you could use "his", you use "its".  There's no apostrophe in his; it's not hi's after all.  His, hers, its.  No apostrophes in possessive pronouns.

[prophet224]

Doh-you're right. Its IS the proper possessive for 'it'.

It is set in the solar system in the year 2130 (or thereabouts). All of the people in the scene were born on Earth with the exception of the main character (Lieutenant Mitchell) who spent a fair amount of time there.

As for pop culture - that's up in the air. There is previous veiled reference to certain 'classic' media like the "Alien" series. There is no interstellar travel and there is no open-air holographic technology, though there are holo-globes. Technically you could have a holo-deck type device, but it would be like standing in a fog cloud.

The main question though is, assuming that they do know what both a mantis and a grasshopper look like, does this description present to the reader a decent image of the creature discussed, using the images and comments afterwards for comparison?

[prophet224]

Thanks for the comments on dialogue (and everything else) - I really appreciate it! It is good to know when you are doing something (at least somewhat) right.

Another thanks for putting up with <guy who's hurt>, <bug guy>, <other guy>, etc. I actually do have characters for these folks, or at least some basics, but sometimes it is better to write than to worry about looking up a secondary/tertiary's name.

Side note:
Once upon a time, Aristotle might have been considered 'pop culture'. Who else was a contemporary of him around the world that we have lost? I do tend to believe that we have entered an era where the worldwide collaboration and dissemination fo information will lead to an eventual world mind as far as media is concerned. In other words, I believe that we are in an age where cult hits will remain so indefinitely. There are too many people and the web of interconnected information is too large at this point to easily lose anything.

[prophet224]

*BUMP*, as I'd really like to find out if the section in bold gets the description across or not. Thanks again.