Problem with passive verbs

[pathele]

Hey all,
I have always had an issue with writing passive verbs, especially when I write past tense.
So, does anyone else have this problem?
What are some techniques to overcome this?

thanks
-paul

[LizW65]

Have you read Stephen King's On Writing?  It goes into depth on this very issue, as I recall (can't remember which chapter, but King points out that passive verbs are best used in things like non-fiction essays and technical manuals, where you want to retain a certain amount of emotional distance in the writing.)  An example of a passive verb is "The knife was taken from the kitchen table", whereas "He took the knife from the kitchen table" uses an active verb and is thus a stronger sentence.  Personally I don't have a problem with the occasional passive verb, but it's easy to go overboard with them, not unlike adverbs.  I suppose it's something best dealt with in your rewriting process.  Hope this helps - I'm recovering from a nasty bout of flu, and my brain is still pretty fuzzy.
-Liz

[Maiafay]

I struggled with this for a long while, until I 'was' critiqued--until a friend critiqued me on that problem.

I also have Stephen King's "On Writing" which helped me tremendously. I will provide a link to a tutorial I did...it's nothing 100%, but it's what helped me.

Now...I have a problem with too much active voice, and need to chill a little on omitting all passive. Passive is good in some instances...and shouldn't be taken away completely. I've caught Mr. King using it more than he implies...

Linky:

Passive Voice

Just a note on the above link...it's a fanfiction site, and the examples I use are from fanfic...so, just a warning. 

[Richelle Mead]

I'm guilty of using passive verbs, and most of mine get cleaned up when I do read-throughs and self-editing later on.  When I'm writing my first draft, I'm usually moving too fast to stop and think up really compelling alternatives. 

[pathele]

Thanks for the feedback.
I will take a look at the tuitorial.
I have read "On Writing" several times, but still struggle with using passive verbs. It had good advice, but other than saying "don't do that", I didn't feel like it offer much on techniques to help.
When you are going back and editing how do you go about choosing your active verb.
I don't have problem with things like "She was sleeping on the couch." I have problems with things like "I needed to hurry, time was running out." (I come up with things like: "I was running out of time.")
I don't think there is a silver bullet, but maybe some tricks or techniques that help most of the time.

-paul

[the neurovore of Zur-En-Aargh]

I have always had an issue with writing passive verbs, especially when I write past tense.

Passive verbs aren't a problem in and of themselves.  Just do what's right for the voice.

On Writing has some good advice in, but what I thought was most interesting in it was comparing King's advice on writing with what the autobiographical bits say about the kind of person he is.  I'm sure his revision habits are quite strongly affected by the ways in which he says his memory is bad, for example, because he seems to be able to go back and give a clear through-read to something much closer to finshing first draft than I would ever be able to.

[CynDe]

I used the "find/change" function on my computer to locate and bold all the uses of "was" and "were." It helped me edit and replace the passives whenever possible.

[*Lady Disappearing Act *]

what about these guys, because this drives me crazy. 

"There was a shocked and sudden silence as he met her eyes.  Thirty years ago, she had had an encounter with his father, in which her uncle's best man had been mortally wounded....etc etc."

what's the cure for that?

[HouseWren]

Hi. I replied to pathele in a PM because I'm not a writer and hesitated to intrude, but since this thread is still going, maybe someone else can use this.  Passives aren't bad in themselves, and sometimes they serve a purpose.  The best explanation of how to use them to advantage or avoid them for a good reason is in Style: Ten Lessons in Clarity and Grace, 2nd ed., by Joseph M. Williams.  The book is aimed at non-fiction writers, but still deserves a look for Williams's take on clarity, coherence, concision, emphasis, and rhythm.  The 2/E is out of print, but used copies are cheap and easy to find.

[CynDe]

what about these guys, because this drives me crazy. 

"There was a shocked and sudden silence as he met her eyes.  Thirty years ago, she had had an encounter with his father, in which her uncle's best man had been mortally wounded....etc etc."

what's the cure for that?

I would go with "Thirty years ago, she had an encounter..." the other "had" is not really necessary. I had a problem with that until a friend who is a grammar fiend corrected me.

Or, better yet, "Thirty years ago she encountered..."

[HouseWren]

what about these guys, because this drives me crazy. 

"There was a shocked and sudden silence as he met her eyes.  Thirty years ago, she had had an encounter with his father, in which her uncle's best man had been mortally wounded....etc etc."

what's the cure for that?

The computer is just freaking because you have the same word twice in a row.  Grammatically, "she had had an encounter" is correct for an action that started and stopped in the past (thirty years ago) before the past in which "he met her eyes."  Personally, I'd be more worried about the comma between "father" and the clause beginning "in which."  If the clause is restrictive, and I think it is, you don't need it. 

[the neurovore of Zur-En-Aargh]

what about these guys, because this drives me crazy. 

"There was a shocked and sudden silence as he met her eyes.  Thirty years ago, she had had an encounter with his father, in which her uncle's best man had been mortally wounded....etc etc."

what's the cure for that?

What exactly strikes you as the problem with it ? That is perfectly grammatically correct, it's just that English does not use the pluperfect enough for the forms to have smoothed out much in that particular case. I'd keep it. Or rather, most of the workable ways of changing it I can see also change the distance of the POV, for example a closer-focus third that's inside POV character's head enough that sentence fragments for rushing thoughts are OK:

"The sound seemed to fade as he met her eyes.  It all came rushing back. His father, thirty years ago.  Her uncle's best man lying bleeding on the ground.. "

( When I look at the subsequent comments, I find myself thinking "CynDe, where Daoine had had 'had had', had had 'had'. 'Had had' had had neurovore's approval." Don't try sentences like this at home. )

[King of De Nile]

( When I look at the subsequent comments, I find myself thinking "CynDe, where Daoine had had 'had had', had had 'had'. 'Had had' had had neurovore's approval." Don't try sentences like this at home. )

Thank you, I think that just shut my brain down for the rest of the day... 

[*Lady Disappearing Act *]

that was...super helpful
 

i think too many elementary school teachers yelled at me about it; now it always looks BAD to me.  like the fourth grade teacher who yelled at me because i insisted that guard was spelled G-U-A-R-D and not G-A-U-R-D.  ever since, i have had (oh yes i DID just use the passive) a mental struggle over which spelling is correct.   

[the neurovore of Zur-En-Aargh]

that was...super helpful

I do my not-particularly-humble best.

i think too many elementary school teachers yelled at me about it; now it always looks BAD to me.  like the fourth grade teacher who yelled at me because i insisted that guard was spelled G-U-A-R-D and not G-A-U-R-D.  ever since, i have had (oh yes i DID just use the passive) a mental struggle over which spelling is correct.   

I know the feeling; the word that always gets me like that is dispatch/despatch.  In a sane universe one of those would mean a message carried by a fast rider, and the other would mean to kill someone, but it seems both of them get used for both meanings and neither spelling now looks right to me.