Author's Forward:
"Please note, The Book Of Don't contains actual rules regarding conduct on the forums, these are not "suggestions" nor "Paynesgrey's Helpful Opinions On Forum Conduct" despite the vaguely humorous tone in which they are provided. Some ideas I come up with when I witness "issues", others come from the other Bartenders and mods as they see problems or attempts at doing an end-run on the standards of conduct. So I slap together a clarifier/reminder and toss it out there for Them What's In Authority and Such to digest. Most go right through, although I admit "Don't forget to always capitalize any and all pronouns referring to Paynesgrey, and to preceed any usage of My Name with "His Most Masculine (junior) Moderatorialness, Paynesgrey" was not received with the enthusiasm I'd hoped for. Win some, lose some. Later on I'm going to pitch "Don't forget to begin any reply to Paynesgrey with the phrase, "What is thy bidding, my Master?" Or at least always respond to Me with the phrase "Yes, my Gatekeeper."
Point being, every item posted here is submitted to The Site Gods for approval, tweaking, massaging, etc. I am but Their Humble Prophet. So if you see it in The Book of Don't, well... don't. The first part of The Book of Don't was found carved into the skull fragments of an ancient entombed dead person. The bones showed extensive scorching, and there it was later determined that his tomb was in fact not a grave quarried into pre-deluvian stone, but a big old boot print. What follows is a rough translation:
Gaze up this, the ancient Sage, mighty in his wisdom, strong in his righteousness, examine him carefully, allow yourself to breathe deep of his very essence, to contemplate, to understand him, what it is to be him, to see and smell and hear and taste the world through him.
And then don't be him.
The main purpose of this forum is to discuss and generally roll around in imaginary worlds filled with imaginary people and things. And to meet new friends who also have imaginary world all over them. Think about exactly how much impact on your life will result from an arguement about "What is the effect of Tuesdays on White Court Vampires, and is it covered in The Accords?" Keep things in perspective. Sometimes we take offense to someone's tone or attitude in a discussion, but at the end of the day, we're arguing about... say it with me... imgainary people in imaginary worlds. When you find yourself replying machine gun fashion in an arguement, getting pissed at someone, take a day or two off the topic. The interweb won't spoil, it'll be here when everyone's settled down. And if it's a topic you're emotionally invested in, by keeping your calm, keeping things civil, you'll help keep the thread healthy, fun, and unlocked. Jim wants his friends to get along, to be pleasant and respecful to each other.
Remember that. I knew a guy who'd get all worked up and shrill and type angry things all the time instead of waiting a bit to settle down. He burned up in the fire, and then Asthon came and stomped on his head.
Selected passages from the From the Ancient Studies of the Life's Work of the Sage, The Most Transendental Passive Aggressive Sneakety Snears Smugly. The works provide a cautionary tale of how not to end up like him.
Don't perform a "Drive By."
A Drive By is a quick, one liner which either invokes a Touchy Topic, or is just obnoxious, insulting, or demeaning. "Yeah, what do they expect when they elect republitarianocratic-ists" or "Well, anyone who's not an idiot can see that Thomas can't feed on Mormonoligistarianists on Tuesdays, because the Accords say so." It's like when a lawyer says something he knows the judge will tell him is out of line, but the damage is done even before he can word his fake apology. That goes for Lofty Pronouncements, a drive by of the "I think you're not smart enough to realize I'm insulting you and sneering at you, you are a simpleton or morally inferior being." Things like starting with "Some of us SNIFFFF... happen to believe otherwise and have the proper appreciation for blahblahblahblarffblarffblarfff."
Cracks like the above might be just one liners, but they're violations of policy and good manners.
And they are particularly insidious because they tempt the goaded party to respond, splashing more Touchy Topic all over the place. Troll bait, anyone? Now, anybody can slip up and say something they didn't intend to be provacative or condescending. Sometimes our wording creates a tone we honestly didn't intend. After all, not everyone is blessed with my stunning charisma and simply magnificent diplomatic gifts. Or my humility. If you post something and someone takes issue, look at what you said and consider rewording it. We're not going to take someone out back to play with Old Yeller because of an honest mistake, but we do watch patterns of behavior, and when we see someone making a habit of "honest mistakes" like Drive By jabs, we'll address it. I knew a feller who posted Drive By's all the time, but he burnt up in the fire, then Ashton came and stomped on him.
More fragments of the text have been recovered during the excavation of what appears to be a the waste pit of a swarm young Moderaptors, providing the following advice:
Don't supply a Non-Apology when informed you're out of line. An apology is "I'm sorry, I didn't mean that the way it came out, I'll fix it." Or "I'm sorry, I was out of line there." The best way to apologize is to use short, simple words even I can understand. That way, there's no question about your intent or meaning.
The Non Apology is the "It's unfortunate that you happen to feel offended that I called your wife a bloated warthog, I regret that some people are overly sensitive or unappreciative of the fact that any reasonable person can see that your wife is indeed a bloated warthog." It's the statement that one clearly isn't actually apologetic about anything other than getting caught, and stands by their original out of bounds behavior but is pretending to be civil. I knew a fellow who used Non Apologies all the time, but he burned up in the fire and then Ashton came and broke his head.
Don't fling poo at other authors while your standing on Jim's porch.
We all have our likes and dislikes. Chances are most all of us have authors that we dislike. Some of us have authors who we really, really, dislike. That's fine. But DO NOT use this site to go on bashing rampages against this or that author. It's one thing to say "I couldn't get into Grayson Payne's epic mongo-mega-ology series Diatribes and Digestives, or "I just didn't like his main character." An honest review or comment is fine, but don't start hate-fests. This is not a "Jim Fans Against Twilight/Anita Blake/The Three Investigators" website. It reflects poorly upon Jim when his fans use his officially sanctioned forum to heap snarlsome, venemous screeds of fanboi/grrl book outrage simply because some author somewhere wrote a books some of us don't like. We want to welcome fans of other works, this tent is big enough for as many fans of as many authors that want to come play with us. That welcoming sensation is not created by peeing on their shoes just because they like some author that some of us aren't big on. Chances are, fans of other authors are just as fond of those authors as we are of Jim. And it's a safe bet that most of us would be rather put out if we were visiting another author's site and saw heaps of kvetching, nasty stuff about Jim.
So let's be respectful of Jim's professional colleagues, as we would wish their fans to be to Jim.
I knew a fella one time who was always using Jim's forum to hate monkey rampage screech about this other author and his fans, and all they found of him was some random sloppy bits and nuggets. And then he got burnt up in the fire.
Don't forget to tidy up after yourself. When the Moderators inform you that a post is in violation of the forum's standards, fix it. Going the House of Urkle and saying "Did I do thaaaat? Ooopsie!!!" and then just leaving the offending post in place does not correct the problem. Like unrepaired vandalism, the eyesore remains to insult or offend, and to provoke reply. This goes for "Drive-by" comments as well as whole posts. The Mods do have the power to simply blot out the unacceptable post and leave a nice big red Content Deleted For Violation of Forum Policy.. Accruing a number of those big red comments can attach a certain bouancy to your account, making it float closer and closer to the top of certain lists. People finding their way to the top of such lists can find themselves winning a no-expenses paid vacation from the forum.
But generally we prefer to treat posters as adults, to give the offender the opportunity to demonstrate their maturity and go back and correct the matter themselves. So when you're informed that a post or comment is out of line, fix it.
Astoundingly, our experienced team of crack snarkeologists have just this minute translated this ancient text, which will be appearing in every copy of The Book Of Don't. The translation has been verified as Authentic Don't, We Really, Really Mean It by none other than His Most Bigger Than Me Modness, Mickey Finn.
DON'T solicit or provide bootleg audio or video through this forum of Jim's Ghost Story Pre-Read at the Fan Dinner.
Jim was nice enough to bend some rules and share some Beta with us at the dinner. I'm sure that we all wish we could share nicely with our fellow fans, but Jim has specifically asked us not to, at least until the sample chapters are released for the preview. He did us a good turn, let's not repay him by doing him a bad one. I know we all want to share and be shared with, but we must respect the wishes of the Founder of The Feast, so please do not make Jim regret what he did for us.
O, Hai. Ceiling Moderaptor seez what U did thar.
DON'T forget that all of the rules of conduct regarding courtesy, respect, and Touchy Topics apply to the Chat Room. Our chat is not a quiet, private room you've rented. That's what your own pesonal email is, or any outside chat you decide to use, like yahoo or FB. Consider our chat as sitting in the middle of Jim or Fred's side room or porch. Sure, it's not where most of the party is happening, but the same house rules apply as anybody could wander in at any moment, and because squabbles and issues from Chat are just as likely to get tracked into the rest of the house as they were from out where the Topics dog used to make his deposits. Frankly, once in a while someone gets the notion that if a Mod isn't looking, TT or rudeness is somehow acceptable in Chat. The Chat option can only be kept around if we can ensure that it will maintain the same standards of civil behaviour as are applied to the rest of the board.
Chat offers no more expectation of privacy than right here in the open forums, and the Chat system keeps and stores an ongoing log of the chat activity which we can use if necessary, should we witness, or receive complaints regarding chat conduct/topics. We don't go digging through there just to go fishing, but we will use it if the need arises to look into any complaints. Having to do so would make us sad. Don't make us sad.
So if you wouldn't say it in front of a Moderator, don't say it in Chat. Take those issues to an outside chat engine if you wish to discuss them... but Touchy Topics and uncivil behaviours are STILL a No Go in this forum's Chat.
Knew a fellar once who used to chat all the time like he didn't think the Mods could see if they weren't logged in. Awful, just awful what happened to him after he burnt up in the fire. It were so bad, that the burnt up in the fire part was the best part of his day, it was.
Don't forget to keep the cigars, pipes, clove cigarettes, and other such fragrant combustables in the Smoking Lounge. I used to smoke. I loved smoking, particularly Djarum clove cigarettes. And some people just hated the smell of 'em. So when I was in a bar or club, I usually stuck to the areas formally or informally designated for smokers. If I started to light one up, and my neighbor asked me not to, I'd take it to an area it wouldn't bother that patron. Basic, common, courtesy. And in any decent bar or club, were I to ignore that courtesy, then a large, unpleasant man would doubtless have instructed me on manners. Likewise, the staff of this forum is prepared to offer instruction should it be required.
In this case, keep the RP stuff in the RP forums or chat channels.
There's a goodly number of gamers who are into these books. That's why there's a Dresden Files RPG in the first place. But RP bogs down and clutters the general chat channels and is an irritant when it invades non-RP oriented threads out in the forum. It's like sitting between the other patrons at a coffee shop and yelling back and forth across their conversations, when there 's a perfectly fine RPG room off to the side. We've created designated areas for RP chat and playing so people who aren't into it don't have to talk around it. So please be courteous to your fellow members and use those rooms. Those RP channels are just one click away when you're in chat, so it's not a grievous and burdensome thing to use them when you want to discuss or play an RP.
Not to start at Touchy Topic, but I'm starting a Touchy Topic...DON'T begin a post that in some form or other boils down to "not to start on a Touchy Topic, but Touchytouchytouchytouchy." If it's about real world religion, politics, sociological issues that are controversial, just don't. Fascinating bit of linquistic trivia here: In my time among the Forumpostah Tribe of the deep Interwebba Jungles, I learned that the phrase "Not to bring up a Touchy Topic" translates quite literally to English for "I know better than to post this, but I'm gonna go ahead and post it anyway."
One big red, flaming, acid dripping flag is "did someone use this as an election campaign issue?" And if they did, did someone argue with them? Did somebody hold a fundraiser for it, and at the same time did someone else held a fundraiser opposing it? If questions like those can be answered "yes", then it you should probably just save it for some other forum.
Global Warming, I see you there. No, don't you go slide over and try hiding behind Minumum Wages, Fair Trade, or Global Anyhthingelseism, that'll do you not a bit of good. Yes, That's right. I'm talking to you. Now git!
If you have to ask if it's touchy, or preface it by saying "I don't want to go Touchy", then you probably shouldn't be posting it. If you're really, really, unsure, but really, really, just gotta post it or your going to do unfortunate things to your undergutchies, send a PM to a moderator or bartender. Say "I think this is ok, but I think it might be Touchy, you tell me." Maybe it'll be ok, maby not. Better safe than making us dig a hole in the cold, frozen ground. Weather's turning powerful miserable for that kind of work, and it makes us cranky.
Additional verses will be provided as our crack team of Snarkeologists get annoyed and puts them together.
Amazingly enough, as Jim's books spread far and wide throughout the land, they've increasingly fallen into the hands of individuals who feel compelled to ... correct... the author and "instruct" him on how to do it right. Neil Gaiman had quite precice and simple response to this. Here's our low-salt version:
"Don't feel entitled to come in here and try to school, lecture, scold, or instruct the author on what and how you think he should be writing. You are not entitled to demand that the author (or any other dreamers, shapers, singers, or makers) strive to validate your own personal worldview or causes, rather than simply tell their story the way they feel it's best told, nor refrain from portraying in what you feel is "too positive a manner" some view you do not share.
If you sincerely feel that other people are for some reason obligated to turn their artistic efforts towards supporting your worldview, or to pursue their craft in specific way to earn your own personal approval, go blog about it or something. Or perhaps simply consider it to be the impetus to pursue your own, original creative endeavor which expresses whatever social, political, or religious viewpoint you feel the need to see addressed in some specific manner.
