Looking for character feedback

[kjpowers]

Hey everyone,

I'm fairly new to the RPG world, and right now I'm in the process of building some characters. I'm having tons of fun with this, and would love some feedback. My first character is my PC, a vanilla mortal. I've had fun making him someone who could be helpful in a wide variety of situations, and hopefully he's someone a veteran player wouldn't mind having on their team. I'm still working on the specific aspects, but here's the rundown otherwise.

Name: Joseph Martello
 
Aspects:
High Concept: Monster Hunting Legislative Aide
Trouble: The Family Name
Other:
I Hail from River City
Come on, Doc, War is Semper Fun!
You Wouldn’t Believe My Night Job…

Skills
 
Great: Athletics, Lore, Scholarship,
Good: Fists, Guns, Endurance,
Fair: Alertness, Conviction, Discipline, Resources,
Average: Contacts, Investigation, Might, Presence, Rapport, Weapons,

Stunts
 
On my Toes (Alertness)[-1]: +2 when determining combat initiative
Legislative Aide (Contacts): +2 when dealing with government contacts
Martial Artist (Fists) [-1]: Allows declarations regarding martial arts
Kajukenbo (Fists) [-1]: Attack +1 when facing multiple opponents
Target-Rich Environment (Guns) [-1]: Attack +1 when outnumbered in a firefight
Finely Tuned Third Eye (Lore) [-1]: +2 to Lore for Alertness when detecting supernatural
Occultist: (Lore) [-1]: +2 to Lore with declarations regarding magical countermeasures
Corpsman (Scholarship) [-1]: +2 when using scholarship to administer medical aid
 
Total: -6 Refresh
   
Stress:

Mental: OOO
Physical: OOOO
Social: OOO
Armor: Usually, None

Notes: Great initiative, depending on the situation, with Good-Great attacks and Great defense. Normally carries a concealed sidearm (weapon:2) that he uses with Good-Great skill. While Joe is very capable in the field, some of his specific non-combat are truly impressive. Joe’s ability to detect the supernatural is Fantastic, as is his knowledge of magical defenses and countermeasures. A combat veteran Navy Corpsman, Joe can administer medical aid with Fantastic skill. Joe also has Good contacts within government, and has more than a few people who owe him favors.

[luminos]

Not bad, but I'd probably drop the corpsman stunt.  I doubt it will be very useful to start treatment of minor consequences in combat.

[Deadmanwalking]

Your character's mechanically sound...but depending on your personal preferences and the other PCs you could easily be overshadowed. You've basically wound up as a "Jack of All Trades, Master of None". You're unlikely to be the best in anything in your group unless it lacks a specialist in that area. If you're cool with that, you're good to go.

Also, your lack of social skills above Average is odd in a legislative aid. I'd drop Conviction to Average and raise Rapport to fair were I you. It'll help your social conflict stuff quite a bit, too.

To ameliorate the Jack of All Traes issue, I'd drop Weapons entirely (at Average, you're almost never going to be in a situation where Fists isn't better), and up a Great skill to Superb. Any skill you like. You'll then likely be the very best with that skill.

Your refresh is also a little low, and with your Scholarship, Corpsman is likely unnecessary, I'd drop it and kill two birds with one stone.

[KOFFEYKID]

Id specialize in guns, drop fists, and all the related stunts. Take a few gun stunts instead.

Then Id drop Might and Weapons.

Up your Presence, since you will need that allot more for social situations.

Then do the stuff deadmanwalking said. That would make you a pretty tuff character.

[Biff Dyskolos]

I have a personal dislike of the Martial Artist stunt. It is the only prerequisite stunt in the book and all it does is give you Declarations. All skills can already be used to make Assessments and Declarations.

I just don't get Martial Artist!

[Deadmanwalking]

I have a personal dislike of the Martial Artist stunt. It is the only prerequisite stunt in the book and all it does is give you Declarations. All skills can already be used to make Assessments and Declarations.

I just don't get Martial Artist!

I believe iago's actually said that Martial Artist is no longer the prerequisite for anything. Though it does still exist. But since it's not a prerequisite it's easy to ignore. 

[kjpowers]

Thanks for the advice, folks. I fiddled around with the stats a bit. Not sure what to have for the 5th "Average" skill. And while I appreciate what you said about guns, KOFFEYKID, I'd prefer fists if I had to choose (10 years of martial arts, personally. I can't help myself).

Name: Joseph Martello
 
Aspects:
High Concept: Monster Hunting Legislative Aide
Trouble: The Family Name
Other:
I Hail from River City
Come on, Doc, War is Semper Fun!
You Wouldn’t Believe My Night Job…

Skills

Superb: Scholarship,
Great: Fists, Lore,
Good:  Athletics, Endurance, Guns,
Fair: Alertness, Presence, Rapport, Resources,
Average: Contacts, Conviction, Discipline, Investigation,

Stunts
 
On my Toes (Alertness)[-1]: +2 when determining combat initiative
Legislative Aide (Contacts): +2 when dealing with government contacts
Lethal Weapons (Fists) [-1]: Weapons:2 when striking an unarmored opponent
Kajukenbo (Fists) [-1]: Attack +1 when facing multiple opponents
Target-Rich Environment (Guns) [-1]: Attack +1 when outnumbered in a firefight
Finely Tuned Third Eye (Lore) [-1]: +2 to Lore for Alertness when detecting supernatural
Occultist: (Lore) [-1]: +2 to Lore with declarations regarding magical countermeasures

 
Total: -5 Refresh
   
Stress:

Mental: OOO
Physical: OOOO
Social: OOO
Armor: Usually, None

Notes: Great initiative, depending on the situation, with Good-Great attacks and Great defense. Normally carries a concealed sidearm (weapon:2) that he uses with Good-Great skill. While Joe is very capable in the field, some of his specific non-combat are truly impressive. Joe’s ability to detect the supernatural is Fantastic, as is his knowledge of magical defenses and countermeasures. Joe also has Good contacts within government, and has more than a few people who owe him favors.

[Deadmanwalking]

I'd grab Deceit as that final skill. Or Empathy. Something social anyhow.

Other than that, he looks good. Though personally, I'd swich out Presence and Discipline. Remember that Discipline is what you resist Mental attacks with...

[KOFFEYKID]

I disagree, his Presence should be higher than his discipline, he'll need it in the court room.

[Deadmanwalking]

I disagree, his Presence should be higher than his discipline, he'll need it in the court room.

Um, he's a legislative aid, not a lawyer. Rapport is more than enough social skill for him, IMO.

[kjpowers]

KOFFEEKID,

As a legislative aide in RL (yes, I basically made an idealized version of myself), we're not actually lawyers, at least not most of us (I'm going to start working on a masters in public policy). We work with interested groups on legislation, and help to bring bills through the process to become law. Not sure if that actually makes any difference, in game terms.

[kjpowers]

And, okay, I guess I'll keep rapport and discipline at fair. Here are the revised stats.

Name: Joseph Martello
 
Aspects:
High Concept: Monster Hunting Legislative Aide
Trouble: The Family Name
Other:
I Hail from River City
Doc, War is Semper Fun!
You Wouldn’t Believe My Night Job…

Skills

Superb: Scholarship,
Great: Fists, Lore,
Good: Athletics, Endurance, Guns,
Fair: Alertness, Discipline, Rapport, Resources,
Average: Contacts, Conviction, Deceit, Investigation, Presence,

Stunts
 
On my Toes (Alertness)[-1]: +2 when determining combat initiative
Legislative Aide (Contacts): +2 when dealing with government contacts
Lethal Weapons (Fists) [-1]: Weapons:2 versus unarmored opponents
Kajukenbo (Fists) [-1]: Attack +1 when facing multiple opponents
Target-Rich Environment (Guns) [-1]: Attack +1 when outnumbered in a firefight
Finely Tuned Third Eye (Lore) [-1]: +2 to Lore for Alertness when detecting supernatural
Occultist: (Lore) [-1]: +2 to Lore with declarations regarding magical countermeasures
 
Total: -5 Refresh
   
Stress:

Mental: OOO
Physical: OOOO
Social: OOO
Armor: Usually, None

Notes: Great initiative, depending on the situation, with Good-Great attacks and Great defense. Normally carries a concealed sidearm (weapon:2) that he uses with Good-Great skill. While Joe is very capable in the field, some of his specific non-combat are truly impressive. Joe’s ability to detect the supernatural is Fantastic, as is his knowledge of magical defenses and countermeasures. Joe also has Good contacts within government, and has more than a few people who owe him favors.

[Deadmanwalking]

The notes are no longer correct. His Defense is now Good to Great, and his attacks Good to Superb. Aside from that he looks good. 

[kjpowers]

Duly noted!  Thanks to everyone for the help. Just wait until you see the wizard I made...ugh. I'll post that later and give my brain a rest.

[kjpowers]

Okay, well, here's character number two. Most likely an NPC, Ted is a veteran of WWII and the Korean War and was a long-time Hedge Wizard for the Venatori Umbrorum. Spent time as Martha Liberty's apprentice in the 1930's before becoming disgusted with the Council and their exclusionary policies. As a Hedge Wizard, Ted enjoys none of the benefits of Council membership and all of the downsides of being a Wizard. Since he spent roughly 15 years holding back his power (1940-1955), I imagined his Thaumaturgy skills atrophying.

Ted is, first and foremost, a combat wizard, and the majority of his time and emphasis has been spent on evocations. For 35 years (1955-1990) he was actively operating in the Bay Area and the Pacific Northwest before ultimately being identified as one of several Venatori operators involved in the extermination (yep) of an entire Ghoul clan operating in Portland. Since that time, he's been a marked man, and has been lying low for his own safety and that of his associates. It was only after the recent clearing of the rest of this Ghoul Clan in San Francisco that Ted has been able to once again operate openly.

Here are the stats - I look forward to everyone's feedback.

Name: Ted Richardson
 
Aspects:
High Concept: Special Forces Hedge Wizard
Trouble: Hunter of Shadows, Hunted by Shadows
Other: Martha’s New Deal Apprentice; Devil’s Brigade, Korea, and Real Combat; Venatori Hedge Wizard, You Wouldn’t Believe my Night Job…
 
Skills
 
Great: Discipline, Conviction, Lore, 
Good: Athletics, Endurance, Fists
Fair: Alertness, Guns, Investigation, Resources,
Average: Contacts, Deceit, Intimidation, Presence, Rapport, Stealth

Stunts

On my Toes (Alertness)[-1]: +2 when determining combat initiative
Person of Conviction (Conviction)[-1]: Uses conviction to determine Social stress
Armed Arts (Fists) [-1]: Shikomizue Scabbard (as Weapons:1 Club) and Shikomizue Sword
 
Powers
 
Evocation [–3]
Rituals: Biomancy [-2]
The Sight [–1]
Soulgaze [+0]
Wizard’s Constitution [+0]
 
Total: -9 Refresh
 
Rote Spells:
Folguris (Lightning Attack as Force, Four Shifts): Directs a tight beam of magical lightning (Weapon:4) at a target. Requires his Shikomizue Scabbard to cast.
 
Mirui ab Airae (Air Block, Four Shifts): creates a small wall of air to protect Ted, and functions as either armor or a block. Usually, Ted uses one shift for persistence, so he can do something else in the following exchange without renewing the shield. Requires the shield bracelet.
 
Strigare (Earth Attack as Force, Three Shifts): Amplifies the gravity around an attacker (like getting hit with a maul), dealing Weapons:3 damage. Requires his Class Ring to Cast
 
Specializations:

Evocation: Elements (Earth, Air, Spirit); Power (Air +1),

Focus Items:
Shikomizue Scabbard [+1 Offensive Control with Air]
Shield Wristwatch [+1 Defensive Control with Air]
Class Ring [+1 Offensive Power with Earth]
 
Enchanted Items:
Shikomizue Sword  [Weapon:2] (2 enchanted item slots)
-While casting a counterspell, the Ted's Sword may add the Sword’s 2 shifts to its power, provided the effect being countered can be attacked by a sword (ethereal chains, good; a mental binding, not so much).

-An attack with Ted's Sword automatically ignores 2 shifts of blocks or armor created via some manner of spellcraft.
 
Stress:

Mental: OOOO (+1 Minor Mental Consequence)
Physical: OOOO
Social: OOOO (+1 Minor Social Consequence)

Notes: A Shikomizue Sword and Scabbard as imagined for this character look like this: http://thedarkblade.com/wp-content/uploads/Zatoichi-Blind-Fury.jpg

More notes forthcoming