The 2009 Bulwer-Lytton Bad Fiction Contest Winners Are Here

[Yeratel]

Does your fiction start out like this?   


http://www.bulwer-lytton.com/2009.htm

[CSDylan]

My favorites:

The dame sauntered silently into Rocco's office, but she didn't need to speak; the blood-soaked gown hugging her ample curves said it all: "I am a shipping heiress whose second husband was just murdered by Albanian assassins trying to blackmail me for my rare opal collection," or maybe, "Do you know a good dry cleaner?"

The appearance of a thin red beam of light under my office door and the sound of one, then two pair of feet meant my demise was near, that my journey from gum-shoe detective to international agent had gone horribly wrong, until I realized it was my secretary teasing her cat with a laser pointer.

Also this one:

Towards the dragon's lair the fellowship marched -- a noble human prince, a fair elf, a surly dwarf, and a disheveled copyright attorney who was frantically trying to find a way to differentiate this story from "Lord of the Rings."

[LizW65]

This one highlights a difficulty seldom addressed in superhero comics:
<<Grimly aware of the rapidly approaching disaster, Spiderman leaped from rooftop to flagpole, from flagpole to fire escape, hurling himself recklessly from building to building, darting glances through every window in his desperate search for one vital room, while silently cursing the fact that the last thing he had done before donning a one-piece skintight costume, was to eat a large bowl of hot chili.>.

And this one just cracks me up for some reason:
<<Perry had come a long way in the nine years since being arrested by a park ranger in his '81 Firebird tenderly holding a spiral-cut, honey-glazed ham (with the bone removed). >>

[THETA]

Oh wow, parodies.  That means they were purposefully made this way.  I think it'd be real mean--even if it is deserved--to win a contest for a work you thought was good.

I did enjoy the one about the untimely death of the hot-air balloon one though.

*snickers*

[LizW65]

Oh wow, parodies.  That means they were purposefully made this way.  I think it'd be real mean--even if it is deserved--to win a contest for a work you thought was good.

If you go back to the Bulwer-Lytton site, you'll see links to awards for the year's worst in actual published writing.  Fun times!

[meg_evonne]

"Towards the dragon's lair the fellowship marched -- a noble human prince, a fair elf, a surly dwarf, and a disheveled copyright attorney who was frantically trying to find a way to differentiate this story from "Lord of the Rings." "

yep this one made my favorite list as well.  Thank you for sharing.